In the 1970's there were a lot of skinheads in my town.
They used to meet up in the town centre.
The police werent very happy about this.
One skinhead had massive boots and this policeman asked him if his feet went to the end of his boots.
He replied,"does you head go to the top of your helmet ?
Been out of .... the forum for a while. Picked this up today:
A farmer had a wife who was always nagging him. From morning to night she went on and always found something new to complain about. The only time the farmer got some peace and quiet was when he plowed the fields with his mule. Therefore he tried to be out in the fields with the mule as often as he could.
One day when the farmer was out plowing, his wife came out with lunch for him. He led the mule to the shade of a tree, sat down on a stump to eat. But before he had even had time to take his first bite, his wife had started to complain again. She ranted about everything between heaven and earth and seemed to barely stop for air.
Then suddenly the mule lurched backwards and hit the wife with both hind legs in the head. She died immediately.
At the funeral a few days later, the priest noticed something strange. When the female visitors came forward to express their grief to the old farmer, he listened for a while and then nodded in agreement. But when the male visitors arrived, he listened for a while and then shook his head.
The priest thought the whole thing was so strange that he felt compelled to ask the farmer what it was all about. After the church coffee, the priest asked the farmer to come into his office and he asked him straight out why he had shaken his head at the men but nodded at the women.
"Well, you see," said the farmer. "When the women came forward, they all said that my wife looked so beautiful in the coffin, or that she was wearing a nice dress. So I nodded in agreement;
"And the men?" asked the priest.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
A farmer had a wife who was always nagging him. From morning to night she went on and always found something new to complain about. The only time the farmer got some peace and quiet was when he plowed the fields with his mule. Therefore he tried to be out in the fields with the mule as often as he could.
One day when the farmer was out plowing, his wife came out with lunch for him. He led the mule to the shade of a tree, sat down on a stump to eat. But before he had even had time to take his first bite, his wife had started to complain again. She ranted about everything between heaven and earth and seemed to barely stop for air.
Then suddenly the mule lurched backwards and hit the wife with both hind legs in the head. She died immediately.
At the funeral a few days later, the priest noticed something strange. When the female visitors came forward to express their grief to the old farmer, he listened for a while and then nodded in agreement. But when the male visitors arrived, he listened for a while and then shook his head.
The priest thought the whole thing was so strange that he felt compelled to ask the farmer what it was all about. After the church coffee, the priest asked the farmer to come into his office and he asked him straight out why he had shaken his head at the men but nodded at the women.
"Well, you see," said the farmer. "When the women came forward, they all said that my wife looked so beautiful in the coffin, or that she was wearing a nice dress. So I nodded in agreement;
"And the men?" asked the priest.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
I always knew when the mother in law was coining around.
The rats would throw themselves on the traps.
The wife was a terrible cook.
The flies used to sit on the side of the waste bin and moan.
The mother in law came around one day.
I hid behind the door and jumped on her shouting boo.
She said you daft devil, you could have given me a heart attack.
So I went boo, boo, boo, boo, boo..................
The rats would throw themselves on the traps.
The wife was a terrible cook.
The flies used to sit on the side of the waste bin and moan.
The mother in law came around one day.
I hid behind the door and jumped on her shouting boo.
She said you daft devil, you could have given me a heart attack.
So I went boo, boo, boo, boo, boo..................
My wife and I are going through a rough patch right now, so I was kind of bemused when she was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.
I drove her to the courthouse and awaited the judge's ruling.
Ma'am, how many peaches are in the can you stole?
I'm not sure, four I think.
Alright then, it's four days in the county jail.
At that point, I identified myself and asked to address the court.
Yes sir, what do you have to say?
Well your Honour, I think you should know she also stole a can of peas.
I drove her to the courthouse and awaited the judge's ruling.
Ma'am, how many peaches are in the can you stole?
I'm not sure, four I think.
Alright then, it's four days in the county jail.
At that point, I identified myself and asked to address the court.
Yes sir, what do you have to say?
Well your Honour, I think you should know she also stole a can of peas.