This is just the start, and humans can bond for life or be heartbroken for the remainder of their life. Don't let it take your happiness.
In an equal property state, give 55% and be done with it. Be true to yourself and don't let her provoke you into being reactionary. Sacrifice the short-term items and get the long-term items. Investigate your roles in what went wrong, but don't beat yourself up about it.
And remember good old Doyle, an old friend from the chemistry dept. One day he came home from work early and found his wife in bed with another guy. Somehow she got the house he built, the kids, the nice car, child support, and alimony. Time passes and he recovers and his career advances, he remarries, has more kids, builds another house. Comes home from work early, finds wife #2 in bed with...wife #1. Divorce again, again she gets the house & kids & nice car, child support, alimony. Now what used to be his 2 women live together with all his kids, all his families merged and living together happily in the bigger house with 2 of his cars, partying with his relatives in the nice party house and pool, plenty of income from him, and they rent out the other house for travelling money. Everyone he loved in his life all live together but without him and court orders to keep a distance; he rents a basement apartment and works his *** off to support them all.
So don't feel too bad. Life has probably not been fair to you. But there's plenty of people who got screwed much worse by the fates. Single parents have a unique resolve to not dwell on what happens to them but concentrate on what to do next, and you will be in that mode for a while.
And remember there are professional people you can pay to listen; and though they don't have much good advice to offer, somehow it helps. And it unburdens your acquaintances who don't really want to hear any more of your problems after a certain point. Monitor yourself and how you're doing; that's no joke. Don't do anything you'd regret later.
And if you can, move away after a reasonable time, like as soon as the kids go off to college. If she's no longer a friend, or no longer good for you, just cut contact to protect yourself. If you have more of the gift of empathy and can put yourself in someone else's shoes...STOP and don't look at yourself thru her eyes anymore; there's no more growth or learning there after a certain point. If you want to change it will change you, but if you just had different values then be true to your real self.
If she gets the house she gets the neighbors. The one who's younger, more attractive and social and throws better parties gets a bigger share of the friends, regardless of any treachery, and sometimes maybe even some of your relatives who don't really care all that deeply about you. Life is not fair. But there's still a good place for you in it. Life is short.
In an equal property state, give 55% and be done with it. Be true to yourself and don't let her provoke you into being reactionary. Sacrifice the short-term items and get the long-term items. Investigate your roles in what went wrong, but don't beat yourself up about it.
And remember good old Doyle, an old friend from the chemistry dept. One day he came home from work early and found his wife in bed with another guy. Somehow she got the house he built, the kids, the nice car, child support, and alimony. Time passes and he recovers and his career advances, he remarries, has more kids, builds another house. Comes home from work early, finds wife #2 in bed with...wife #1. Divorce again, again she gets the house & kids & nice car, child support, alimony. Now what used to be his 2 women live together with all his kids, all his families merged and living together happily in the bigger house with 2 of his cars, partying with his relatives in the nice party house and pool, plenty of income from him, and they rent out the other house for travelling money. Everyone he loved in his life all live together but without him and court orders to keep a distance; he rents a basement apartment and works his *** off to support them all.
So don't feel too bad. Life has probably not been fair to you. But there's plenty of people who got screwed much worse by the fates. Single parents have a unique resolve to not dwell on what happens to them but concentrate on what to do next, and you will be in that mode for a while.
And remember there are professional people you can pay to listen; and though they don't have much good advice to offer, somehow it helps. And it unburdens your acquaintances who don't really want to hear any more of your problems after a certain point. Monitor yourself and how you're doing; that's no joke. Don't do anything you'd regret later.
And if you can, move away after a reasonable time, like as soon as the kids go off to college. If she's no longer a friend, or no longer good for you, just cut contact to protect yourself. If you have more of the gift of empathy and can put yourself in someone else's shoes...STOP and don't look at yourself thru her eyes anymore; there's no more growth or learning there after a certain point. If you want to change it will change you, but if you just had different values then be true to your real self.
If she gets the house she gets the neighbors. The one who's younger, more attractive and social and throws better parties gets a bigger share of the friends, regardless of any treachery, and sometimes maybe even some of your relatives who don't really care all that deeply about you. Life is not fair. But there's still a good place for you in it. Life is short.
When my kids were teenagers they used to say "that's not fair" when they didn't like what I told them.
My response was ( and still is) "Life is not fair". Live with it.
My kids frequently tell me I did the right things and they love and respect me for it.
I've got great kids.
My response was ( and still is) "Life is not fair". Live with it.
My kids frequently tell me I did the right things and they love and respect me for it.
I've got great kids.
My first marriage ended after about two years. We had no kids and little assets so, she got the car and the bank account, I got the house. It was about an even split. No lawyers were involved. There was some finger pointing, but looking back now it was easy to figure out. We were both immature and didn't know what we wanted out of life, much less each other. We parted sort of friends, called each other occasionally.....until the Catholic church got involved. Then it got ugly. Communication ended, she moved away, and I didn't know, or care where, until recently her name showed up on a property search that was totally unrelated to the state where we had lived.
I had a friend who found his wife in bed with his mother! How do you figure that one out?
There was a guy I worked with who had been recently divorced and was living in a cheap rental apartment next door to me. Both of us worked on cars so we helped each other out. He had watched me rebuild the transmission in my Chevy van (hey it WAS the 70's) so asked me to help him with the tranny in his station wagon. He needed it to be ready for a long trip.
He had explained that he had to pay alimony for life, child support for 3 kids, and rehabilitative alimony for 5 years so the ex could go to school. The total of all of this added up to more than he made as a tech in the factory. The judge had told him to get a second job. Yeah, right. After about a year of hearing all the horror stories from his kids, he disappeared one day, didn't tell anyone that he was leaving, not even the boss at work. During all the transmission time he kept talking about the good times he had in Mexico, so my guess is that's where he went. So if the judge and the ex had been reasonable, the kids might have grown up knowing their father, but it didn't happen that way.
No matter haw bad things get you are always better off than most of the people in the world. I remember being depressed over a breakup a long time ago. I had a moment of realization one day that changed my life.
I had gone down to the beach to watch the sunrise one morning after being up all night. I was sitting alone on the sand staring out to sea when I saw a rickety old wooden boat full of Haitians being towed into Port Everglades by the Coast Guard. There must have been 50 people on a boat meant for 10, and they had taken off all their clothes to make a sail. It is a weeks journey across treacherous water in a good boat. These people had risked their lives to try and escape poverty only to be caught by the Coast Guard and returned to Haiti. That made me realize that we have it pretty good here regardless how screwed up things may seem. I told myself to snap out of it and get on with life.....I never looked back!
I had a friend who found his wife in bed with his mother! How do you figure that one out?
There was a guy I worked with who had been recently divorced and was living in a cheap rental apartment next door to me. Both of us worked on cars so we helped each other out. He had watched me rebuild the transmission in my Chevy van (hey it WAS the 70's) so asked me to help him with the tranny in his station wagon. He needed it to be ready for a long trip.
He had explained that he had to pay alimony for life, child support for 3 kids, and rehabilitative alimony for 5 years so the ex could go to school. The total of all of this added up to more than he made as a tech in the factory. The judge had told him to get a second job. Yeah, right. After about a year of hearing all the horror stories from his kids, he disappeared one day, didn't tell anyone that he was leaving, not even the boss at work. During all the transmission time he kept talking about the good times he had in Mexico, so my guess is that's where he went. So if the judge and the ex had been reasonable, the kids might have grown up knowing their father, but it didn't happen that way.
No matter haw bad things get you are always better off than most of the people in the world. I remember being depressed over a breakup a long time ago. I had a moment of realization one day that changed my life.
I had gone down to the beach to watch the sunrise one morning after being up all night. I was sitting alone on the sand staring out to sea when I saw a rickety old wooden boat full of Haitians being towed into Port Everglades by the Coast Guard. There must have been 50 people on a boat meant for 10, and they had taken off all their clothes to make a sail. It is a weeks journey across treacherous water in a good boat. These people had risked their lives to try and escape poverty only to be caught by the Coast Guard and returned to Haiti. That made me realize that we have it pretty good here regardless how screwed up things may seem. I told myself to snap out of it and get on with life.....I never looked back!
My first marriage ended when my wife's therpist called me in from work for an emergency. I arrived to find my two kids (14 and 12) in the waiting room in tears. My wife had threatened to kill them.
I took "Sole and Exclusive Custody" of them and never looked back.
Wife number two had placed her kids above my kids to the point that I did not see either of my kids for over two years. Wrong choice, good by.
I have to pay alamony for life. Life ins and co-pays for 5 years, and gave up over half of all assetts accrued during our marriage.
There is always someone worse off.
I'll see them somewhere today, even without looking.
I took "Sole and Exclusive Custody" of them and never looked back.
Wife number two had placed her kids above my kids to the point that I did not see either of my kids for over two years. Wrong choice, good by.
I have to pay alamony for life. Life ins and co-pays for 5 years, and gave up over half of all assetts accrued during our marriage.
There is always someone worse off.
I'll see them somewhere today, even without looking.
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Don't blame yourself or her, blame marriage. It's the number one cause of divorce.
I hope this works out in the end for you Jeff.
I hope this works out in the end for you Jeff.
😉 Don't blame sugar or fat, blame eating itself. It's the number one cause of getting fat.
A truth like a cow as we say here.
Of course I blame the cow for having eaten it (even for having sucked on it's bones)
Get past it.
I married at 20, divorced in '78 & never even considered marriage since.
Once you start being/thinking single and stop being divorced you'll get your old self back. Getting married is too easy, divorce is rough lonely ****, no doubt it. Don't even think about needing to remarry. It'll lengthen that loneliness you must get past and drive it even deeper.
I moved 1000 miles to Austin after my failure; it ended up being the best thing I could of done. I still remember drinking myself into tears; but she remarried quickly never getting the satisfaction of knowing how bad it hurt me. Ironically, she's still married to him and he's been a lifelong alcoholic ever since. I've never seen her since so I guess she took it out on him. Looking back, I've had allot crazy fun since.
But I fallen for several ones since, meaner ones too. But that's my behavior or 'taste in women' that causes that......nothin to do with her. But I certainly got a lot better *** since and most of the recent ones still like me. Just got better at dealing with them.
The meanest one was an absolute knockout, all legs. But sexually abused orphan ....man-eater. Still tell the story of last night with her. She just had to bounce a good friend of mine, telling me about it was the whole point....I shattered my hand good hitting the block wall near her, compounded it. Pissed at myself, hearing bartender laughing at a fool....wrapped it up, walked out,..... not a word.
Laying in bed, wrapped in pain ...Doctor in the morning.
But LA night was still young . It turned her sick *** on, she dropped it all making her way into my bed. Best piece and control of a woman .....legendary, pure grudge.
Only cuz I walked away. Well maybe cuz some friends got to witness the whole damn thing, story sure got around.
Never saw her again but my female problems ended that night back in 1990 ....with a new nickname.
Their strange creatures and I'm not one to give good advice. But I am happy now at 59 and I've had my fun.
I married at 20, divorced in '78 & never even considered marriage since.
Once you start being/thinking single and stop being divorced you'll get your old self back. Getting married is too easy, divorce is rough lonely ****, no doubt it. Don't even think about needing to remarry. It'll lengthen that loneliness you must get past and drive it even deeper.
I moved 1000 miles to Austin after my failure; it ended up being the best thing I could of done. I still remember drinking myself into tears; but she remarried quickly never getting the satisfaction of knowing how bad it hurt me. Ironically, she's still married to him and he's been a lifelong alcoholic ever since. I've never seen her since so I guess she took it out on him. Looking back, I've had allot crazy fun since.
But I fallen for several ones since, meaner ones too. But that's my behavior or 'taste in women' that causes that......nothin to do with her. But I certainly got a lot better *** since and most of the recent ones still like me. Just got better at dealing with them.
The meanest one was an absolute knockout, all legs. But sexually abused orphan ....man-eater. Still tell the story of last night with her. She just had to bounce a good friend of mine, telling me about it was the whole point....I shattered my hand good hitting the block wall near her, compounded it. Pissed at myself, hearing bartender laughing at a fool....wrapped it up, walked out,..... not a word.
Laying in bed, wrapped in pain ...Doctor in the morning.
But LA night was still young . It turned her sick *** on, she dropped it all making her way into my bed. Best piece and control of a woman .....legendary, pure grudge.
Only cuz I walked away. Well maybe cuz some friends got to witness the whole damn thing, story sure got around.
Never saw her again but my female problems ended that night back in 1990 ....with a new nickname.
Their strange creatures and I'm not one to give good advice. But I am happy now at 59 and I've had my fun.
Try not and get depressed.
Go fishing and make friends and keep them. If they screw you over too then find other friends.
Don't start listening to Death Metal and don't drink (too much).
Spend a lot more time with your dad or mum, he/she can help you with this ******** divorce.
Good luck! 🙂
Go fishing and make friends and keep them. If they screw you over too then find other friends.
Don't start listening to Death Metal and don't drink (too much).
Spend a lot more time with your dad or mum, he/she can help you with this ******** divorce.
Good luck! 🙂
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Mazunte, México.
After divorce.
No, focus on the beach.... the rest is ODWow , beautiful , love it , ohh the beach looks OK too , one or both ..🙂
Thanks so much to Cal, RNMarsh, and Sy for the solid advice and s u p p o r t ... and iko for the personal message.
This place has been a ... sit ... citadel for me. But, ...
My unique, personal circumstances are about to pull this thread ... 'aside'.
I'd rather it stay as a General Divorce Thread for any others that need it in the future.
...
...
There's some great stuff here, continue to post your observations, experiences and advice from those who've 'been there'.
Cheers,
Jeff
This place has been a ... sit ... citadel for me. But, ...
My unique, personal circumstances are about to pull this thread ... 'aside'.
I'd rather it stay as a General Divorce Thread for any others that need it in the future.
...
...
There's some great stuff here, continue to post your observations, experiences and advice from those who've 'been there'.
Cheers,
Jeff
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1. Avoid anything that might introduce more antagonism. Lawyers will instigate and you need to remain on amicable terms so resist the temptation to fight and continue to try and rationalize with your soon to be ex.
2. Get it over as quickly as you can, the longer it goes, the more expensive it becomes and the more the acrimony builds. You will find being more generous in the beginning will end up being cheaper than fighting over time.
3. Read and commit to memory this post. Then rent the movie Divorce Corp. and watch it with your sons.
2. Get it over as quickly as you can, the longer it goes, the more expensive it becomes and the more the acrimony builds. You will find being more generous in the beginning will end up being cheaper than fighting over time.
3. Read and commit to memory this post. Then rent the movie Divorce Corp. and watch it with your sons.
Take the high road, be reasonably generous, most especially when kids are involved.
Keep confidence in yourself and your capabilities in all aspects of life. Moving forward, take it as a personal challenge to re-build your life and make it work even better in future, based upon what you have learned so far. Optimism can have a powerful effect on the situation.
In a relatively short time, you'll be able to look back and be proud of how you handled it.
The very best of wishes to you from one who has been there.🙂
Keep confidence in yourself and your capabilities in all aspects of life. Moving forward, take it as a personal challenge to re-build your life and make it work even better in future, based upon what you have learned so far. Optimism can have a powerful effect on the situation.
In a relatively short time, you'll be able to look back and be proud of how you handled it.
The very best of wishes to you from one who has been there.🙂
Get ready to enjoy life. Been single for 5 years now. Love my bacon at 3 am along with the tunes cranking and leaving the toilet seat up.
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