Lotta misogyny on a slow roiling boil here - I think it behooves us to disabuse ourselves of the conceit that when a relationship goes sour that there isn't shared responsibility - and no need to account to the third decimal point how much on either side.
I'm as happy in my 42yr marriage as can be expected, and during those decades have had the opportunity to witness others ' marriages - including my own parents' fall apart, - seldom is the "fault" unilateral.
Yes, a specialist in family law will be the best investment you could make, and unless any kids involved are very young, they might well have a clearer perspective than the "adults"
I'm as happy in my 42yr marriage as can be expected, and during those decades have had the opportunity to witness others ' marriages - including my own parents' fall apart, - seldom is the "fault" unilateral.
Yes, a specialist in family law will be the best investment you could make, and unless any kids involved are very young, they might well have a clearer perspective than the "adults"
Definitely you need the advice of an attorney.
And if mediation is available to help you two decide how to work things out that could be good.
Being a bit generous for swift resolution with less anger could ultimately cost you far less in dollars and psychic energy. Getting all nasty and vengeful and turning it into a costing will just destroy YOU and maybe your kids and certainly not help anyone. I'm not saying be generous towards your wife, be generous to YOURSELF by not fighting about every little thing.
On the other hand, you don't have to bend over and get screwed. A friend of mine got TOTAL custody way back when. Cost him a lot but it is possible.
The important thing really is your continuing and future relationship with your kids. A close second: you'll have to deal with your ex for a looooong time if your kids are small. Far far better to be able to do that in a civilized way.
Finally…sorry dude, it really sucks things didn't work out. But sometimes they don't, so try to exit cleanly with the least negativity and angst. Therapy! Yoga! Exercise! Meditation! Vacation! New TV! Crazed prostitute filled weekend in Vegas!
(Wait, that wasn't what brought on the divorce, was it? ;-D ).
And if mediation is available to help you two decide how to work things out that could be good.
Being a bit generous for swift resolution with less anger could ultimately cost you far less in dollars and psychic energy. Getting all nasty and vengeful and turning it into a costing will just destroy YOU and maybe your kids and certainly not help anyone. I'm not saying be generous towards your wife, be generous to YOURSELF by not fighting about every little thing.
On the other hand, you don't have to bend over and get screwed. A friend of mine got TOTAL custody way back when. Cost him a lot but it is possible.
The important thing really is your continuing and future relationship with your kids. A close second: you'll have to deal with your ex for a looooong time if your kids are small. Far far better to be able to do that in a civilized way.
Finally…sorry dude, it really sucks things didn't work out. But sometimes they don't, so try to exit cleanly with the least negativity and angst. Therapy! Yoga! Exercise! Meditation! Vacation! New TV! Crazed prostitute filled weekend in Vegas!
(Wait, that wasn't what brought on the divorce, was it? ;-D ).
Maintain a positive attitude at all times.
I once worked with a fellow who came home from work and found his wife had left, and left him a cup, a plate, a knife, a fork, a spoon, a table, a chair, and a bed.
.....and he was able to laugh about it!
I once worked with a fellow who came home from work and found his wife had left, and left him a cup, a plate, a knife, a fork, a spoon, a table, a chair, and a bed.
.....and he was able to laugh about it!
Some are !!
Happily married to my second wife for 24 years now and still friends with my first and YES it is important to settle as easy as possible .
Moving from Europe to Australia did help A lot 🙂
Cheers ,
Rens
NEVER AGAIN -Snakes with tits comes to mind.
Been married twice - NEVER AGAIN.
Never been so well off since I f%^%d off the snakes. Katie and Phillip are still in touch. Don't involve any children in the argument.
Dad
Been married twice - NEVER AGAIN.
Never been so well off since I f%^%d off the snakes. Katie and Phillip are still in touch. Don't involve any children in the argument.
Dad
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A simple question from a lucky guy happily married 36 years to a great woman. How carefully did you search and choose before taking the plunge? Here on a forum where thousands of posts are routinely spent agonizing over noise figures, component choices, and other audio minutia; did you place anywhere near that level of care and effort into finding the right woman? Or was it, "She's hot...got lucky...next thing you know your friends are throwing rice your way"? If you think about the magnitude of the commitment that marriage involves, let alone bringing children into the mix (which we decided was not for us) it is astonishing to watch how casually many people go about it.
Kevin, it's not always so simple, since one can be careful, evaluate rationally and deliberately, and still have an eventual poor outcome. People change over time, it's inevitable. The question then becomes, "Do people change in the same direction?", which is (I think) impossible to predict.
There's a joke in there about burn in.
There's a joke in there about burn in.
Sometimes, and I do mean sometimes, whatever caused the divide can be mended. I know to many couples who would be together today if they had only forgiven and tried loving each other like they did in the beginning. Habit and bad choices split as many marriages as irreconcilable differences. Make sure you both know the reason first. Being mad is not a good reason.
just think about all those available divorced women out there, hmmmm the possibilities. Wait just think about them. Its a lot cheaper.
My recommandations:
1) Be generous but not foolish
2) Let your child have first priortity
3) Try to agree with your wife that you both have a lawyer - it makes things less personal.
4) Do not be bitter.
5) Make sure to have some strict agreements that each of you have to follow. You can always agree to ignore the rules, but they are good to have when communication is not satisfactory.
6) Do not ever say bad things about your ex-wife when your child hears it.
Good luck.
Torben, divorced two years ago, five children.
1) Be generous but not foolish
2) Let your child have first priortity
3) Try to agree with your wife that you both have a lawyer - it makes things less personal.
4) Do not be bitter.
5) Make sure to have some strict agreements that each of you have to follow. You can always agree to ignore the rules, but they are good to have when communication is not satisfactory.
6) Do not ever say bad things about your ex-wife when your child hears it.
Good luck.
Torben, divorced two years ago, five children.
Dating sucks, and online dating sucks even more. I feel like I am advertising myself in a meat market, very awkward.
Listing audio/electronics under hobbies/interests does not get the panties to fly off, I do play a bitching guitar so I got that going for me I guess.
You could always do the common "recently single" thing and buy a Corvette and pick up some sleazy chicks. Just make sure your ex sees you in it😀
Again I don't claim to have great advice.
Save the money on the Corvette, et al, and engage in some self reflection and improvement - something from which none of us couldn't benefit - and when that fails to satisfy, there's more than one kind of forum on the internet.
Hi I like the suggestions a lot as I more or less had the same suggestions which turned out to work out OK (more or less 😉 ). Still we decided to have only one lawyer for the two of us. It went OK I guess.
I would like to add some points:
7) try to forgive your partner for whatever he/she does in the already awkward situation. Count to 10 before giving a reaction (if at all, sometimes it is better to stay silent). It will be better for your own soul too.
8) Steer clear of "friends" that were originally her friends before the marriage. They can turn out to be vultures.
9) Never marry again. You stepped in the turd once, why do it again ?
10) Enjoy the thought of peace of mind and the strength you gained from going through this heavy mental rainstorm.
😀
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I didn't say anything about dating. Being single is something good I think. When I'm going with a chick, it makes me suck at guitar and I have no time for fun hobbies and interests. Don't advertise yourself if that isn't who you are and it makes you feel awkward. Be happy with who you are! 🙄
I completely agree, I love my "me" time with plenty of time to practice my geetah but I have been single for 7 years and honestly I get lonely a lot.
After getting out of a long relationship there is that "I'm free" feeling and it feels great, but after a while it gets old. I guess finding the perfect balance where your not up each others @ss's 24/7 and your not alone either is tough.
But all in all enjoy being single is good advice, it surely has it's perks.
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