I'm intrerested. Only got to play with a mini-Moog one afternoon a long time ago.
Damn Wish I had some bud again, I sound like a ******* Emotional/Personality Mess Kinda am...I'm just Weird in General haha, this ******* Lutda is making me more unstable too..this is ********
I cannot Relax anymore, Do you ever feel like on ******* Edge/cannot Relax like all the time for no apparent Reason?
I cannot Relax anymore, Do you ever feel like on ******* Edge/cannot Relax like all the time for no apparent Reason?
Last edited:
And yeah, Been seriously Trying to Get help, But feel like/get the drift towards me that Help isn't really a Concern, and yeah I'm a ******* Guinea Pig of this Slew of ******* Pharmaceutical's where I have to ******* deal with 9/10 making me 1000x worse/unstable...I'm ******* Fed up with it all...Dare anyone try do any ******* Involuntary Lockup **** on me, I'm unstable/irrational as **** right now...
Last edited:
Onboard analog guitar synth?! That sounds insanely cool.
Sure, man, anything you feel like writing about this should be an interesting read. That site (and the synth) reminds me of the early Paia Electronics stuff I started out with as a kid way back when, although these circuits are much better. So do you have a stash of SSM2210s, or will you go with matched 3904s + tempco for the VCOs?
-- Jim
P.S. I'm also putting together a Mouser list tonight (or maybe Digi-Key, haven't decided yet), for a 16-channel PGA2311-based digital volume control. Haven't done a build like this in way too long!
You sound like you're in a bad way, man. Do you have anyone nearby to hang out with, or just talk to? I'm just saying, as much as we'd like to, us diyAudio guys aren't really in a very good position to help you out much. Anywhere around there you can go just to get out of the house for awhile maybe?
Hang in there, bud.
-- Jim
No, Not really, everyone thinks I'm crazy and avoids me like I'm the ******* plague or something...I mean who the hell do you/can you talk to about this ****? no one wants to, I know damn well...it's always avoided....I don't know what damn good there is to any of it anyways. Most of the time it ends with me yeah feeling more crazy/unstable/questioning myself/everything else. I'm in a very Damn Bad way right now..actually for a really damn long time, it seems like there is no real help for any of it. I don't know, I don't have the answer's/Solution's to everything...
Last edited:
Damn that even proves difficult anymore...Testing my damn Focus and Attention Span. That feels like its getting worse. I always had hell of a time with Focus/attention/impulsive ****. It's ******* Chaos it really is.
Last edited:
I've always considered it one of those oddities of mainstream thought (at least here in the USA) that a person was expected to grow up for alcohol consumption but outgrow marijuana consumption.
I do find it much easier to 'get' the more discordant styles of music (think Velvet Underground, King Crimson or Ornette Coleman, for example) while buzzed. To some degree that extends also to what I will indiscriminately jumble together and call "non-Western" scales and rhythms. I never could get into Hawkwind, or even give much weight to the "music for stoners" concept when forming my listening habits. Then again, since I could have gotten high and played a baroque quintet or jazz quartet or hard rock trio or ? depending on mood and circumstance, that may have been a flag that the concept wasn't totally foreign to me. Especially to someone bound to just popular music:
"What's that?"
"Never heard of 'em."
"You must be a stoner."
Have you ever heard that before?
I do find it much easier to 'get' the more discordant styles of music (think Velvet Underground, King Crimson or Ornette Coleman, for example) while buzzed. To some degree that extends also to what I will indiscriminately jumble together and call "non-Western" scales and rhythms. I never could get into Hawkwind, or even give much weight to the "music for stoners" concept when forming my listening habits. Then again, since I could have gotten high and played a baroque quintet or jazz quartet or hard rock trio or ? depending on mood and circumstance, that may have been a flag that the concept wasn't totally foreign to me. Especially to someone bound to just popular music:
"What's that?"
"Never heard of 'em."
"You must be a stoner."
Have you ever heard that before?
Yeah, I know classic old school thought/idea of outgrow marijuana consumption etc I know. It's not about getting "high" to me or any damn substance..its more like battling/fighting my mind trying to find Damn anything better than my current Emotional/Personality States/instabilities...But it appears like many cannot Comprehend/understand that. Or even believe that. And it aggravates the **** out of me even further etc. But I can't do anything about it.
Last edited:
I for one would be interested in your suggested thread.
I've always wanted to build an analog synth, its been an ongoing pursuit for some time. I've designed oscillators, filters, vca and other waveform modifiers, but its never gone beyond the breadboard stage...like so many of my circuits!
I used to have a ssm2044 based vcf that I'd route my digital synths through, it makes them sound so much warmer. Throughout the 90s after I dropped out from my EE degree I got really into recording electronic music, oh and smoking a lot of weed, just to stay on topic! I owned several analog and digital synths, I could probably manage a full list if anyone really cares!
I built a few things to augment my music setup, the ssm2044 already mentioned, A stereo panner driven by an LFO, sort of like a stereo tremelo. I built a sort of multi effects unit based on the old bbd delay line chips, TDA1097, if I remember rightly. Compressor, a fuzz box for a guitar playing friend. I played bass too as well as my synths. Biggest design from that era was a 10 band vocoder, that was the climax of that phase of my life and still my biggest design to date.
Gordon.
I've still got a lot of analog synth type ics, if anyone is having trouble finding parts: about 25 x lm13700, 12 x ca3080e, 4or5 mc3340, 2 x ssm2044 ( though I'd be loathe to part with these ) I think I have 1 x ssm2164 but again I'd be very reluctant to part with them! I sold 2 ssm2045 to a French guy for £50 and regret it now, they are really hard to find now.
Last edited:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjqrwUzkJs8
"We murder who we were so that we can be reborn"... but yes, a symbolic death can be enough.
I'll take a shrubbery too, please.
Judging from their gargling sounds and the jumbled mess of letters their written language is, the English at least were able to heavily mutilate it.
Quite true, can have moment's where Death feels very much like living. Does not necessarily encompass actually killing ones self. Question What/how/want to Live life itself.
Last edited:
If intervention can't find its way to you, perhaps you should find your way to it.
As you choose. It's still a (nominally) free country. You're a young man, just get a focus on where you want to be in a year, a decade, and at the end of your life. Keep these goals in mind when you make all those small daily decisions.
But most importantly, have fun with it.
If you don't mind me asking, what meds if any have you taken? And who prescribed them?
Your mode of speech / thinking suggests that you might be in the manic stage of a Bipolar Affective Disorder aka manic depression. People are not always happy in this state as general knowledge of the condition may suggest. Rather speedy thoughts constantly going in different directions along with a fraught emotional state can often occur in this stage. Modern psychopharmacology has come along way since the dark days of "One flew over the cuckoos nest" and there are a lot of different meds available now as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), to help get things more on the level. Don't let it get to the stage that you are in danger of being subject to involuntary psychiatric treatment.
I worked as a Psyche nurse before I had a stroke, but I'm also an old stoner and past user of various exotic substances, so I have both a personal and professional idea of what you're going through dude. Some times its hard to close "the doors of perception" once they are opened and you need a bit of help to do so.
Gordon.
AudioFreek88, you are still young and have your life in front of you, life's not always good but try and focus on the positive parts... I don't know what family you have but hopefully they can help...Don't give up hope🙂
Been seeing Doctors for awhile now...Yeah many suspect some form of Bi-Polar/Manic/Depression etc I won't Argue with that, I have tried seems like every pharmaceutical in the book.. been taking Lutda now and I'm about to stop that, at first wasn't bad, but now feels horrible. I of course tried to use/implement CBT, doesn't work...The patterns of irrational/negative thinking still continue/revolve and thinking a positive replacement while yeah is good and all, but the patterns still continue. It feels like it a lot sometimes, one moment might be more normal next getting into even mixed/rapid switching/disphoric states...That's why I mentioned before I damn want to find anything that can help to bring balance/stability. It's a damn nightmare.
Last edited:
- Status
- Not open for further replies.