When I use the word "ego" I am not using it in the colloquial sense, as in "inflated ego". Everyone has an ego. It is that thinking, chattering, nagging in our heads. Most people self-identify with the ego. This leads to a society in a mass state of psychosis.
My point is, the ego is not you. You are the consciousness observing all that noise.
Perhaps your chemical abuse has driven you into a permanent state where you are too intensely aware of that chattering, nagging ego but not quite able to dissociate from it. If that is the case, then it is a matter of learning how to self-identify with your consciousness and objectify the chattering ego.
But Mr. Tolle truly is so much more eloquent when he explains it.
When I learned all of this and truly understood it, I realized that my previous suicidal tendencies were in fact a desire to kill my ego. As I said before, death is not the only way to free yourself from the ego. One cannot get rid of it completely and permanently (I don't think) but one can learn to put it in its place, "make it your bitch".
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Could definitely say there is some excessive chattering all right. And yes dissociating/ignoring/removing it is very difficult. As far as if Chemical Related or not, good question, still feels like I'm evolving/changing from all that, into what I don't know. My Consciousness/Perception's/Awareness it's self, is so elevated/expanded beyond anything that should be normal, no question about it. Psychedelic's definitely opened up some door's there. How sensitive/accurate My hearing can be now or still wild visual's I still experience, I'm telling you I feel like a Damn Alien.
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I could arrange for a long-term loan of an audio book that I am certain you will find helpful. PM me if interested.
For the record (and for all the doubters out there) the writings of Eckhart Tolle are not religious (or pseudo-religious), not associated with any cult, or anything of the sort. If you have no knowledge of his writings, then you really should reserve comment or otherwise risk embarrassing yourselves. Also, if you doubt my ability to judge the validity and usefulness of his work, be aware that I have an Honours BA in philosophy with a minor in psychology and I have studied most major religions on the planet. Also, I have read much of Mr. Tolle's work and I have found it to be incredibly powerful and helpful to me personally. I would expect anyone expressing a contrary opinion to have similar knowledge of the subjects and Mr. Tolle's work.
That one's reserved just for us guys posting on official business. 😉
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And to all... lets keep it light hearted and within reasonable boundaries.
Its hard to make CBT work at times when emotions are so overwhelming, this is from personal experience as I suffer from depression, pretty bad at times since I had a stroke and had to give up work. About 2 months ago I was in a very different place, a bad place and attempts to think my way out of it, as in the methodology of CBT were largely futile. In my case my biggest motivation to escape my mental prison was in realizing the effect my withdrawal was having on my youngest daughter.
Whilst I think some of Max's advice a tad glib, I would agree that for people like us, getting away from drugs, including alcohol ( its a CNS depressant after all) is sage advice, I used to smoke weed a lot in my early 20s and it was fine for awhile, I began to become aware of how I often became irritable and paranoid a few days after a good smoke. In the end I made the connection, though it takes awhile to break the cycle.
I disagree with the notion that addiction doesn't exist, neuroscience says otherwise, look up addiction and dopamine if you're interested. Science aside from personal experience there's no such thing as a non addictive drug, although pot doesn't show the same physical withdrawal symptoms as say heroin or coke, the whole ritual of setting up the bong and/or rolling a fatty and that first glorious inhale, the whole thing becomes a habit and again the dopamine reward system is involved, its the same with other types of addiction like gambling.
There is very strong evidence that amphetamines, esp methamphetamine (crystal meth) can cause and exacerbate mental illness.
Exercise is a good one, also suggested by Max. It is good for 2 reasons, 1. It helps give you a focus at the physical level, instead of the mental / emotional level, it is grounding to use hippy/ new age terminology! 2. It increases the level of serotonin in the brain, this has a generally harmonizing effect on the emotional level. In particular I'd include gardening, for one it involves physical exercise also you see a positive result for your efforts, either nice plants to look at or tasty vegetables to eat.
I don't know much about the vitamin supplements, though some people swear by them. I take Valarian root, a herbal supplement that has been used for centuries to aid sleep, reduce anxiety, whilst research is inconclusive on its effectiveness, it definitely works for me, but be mindful of any potential interactions with prescribed meds you are taking.
Also, sunlight again there's evidence to suggest that it improves ones emotional / mental wellbeing, though I don't understand the mechanism behind this effect.
I would love to study a course like that, I sort of done it informally during my heavy smoking days! No but seriously I have read quite a bit of philosophy and religious material. The most intriguing and inspirational book that I read at that time was "Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda" I also read the Tibetan book of the dead as well as quite a bit of the Bible, and some stuff about magic and the occult. Did you ever read any of Herman Hesse's literature, he is a German writer, although his work is fiction many of his characters struggle with the whole "what's it all about" sort of themes. It is philosophical and introspective without getting bogged down in religious dogma.
I cannot begin to describe how true this is. Becoming a psychiatric nurse for me was a solution to an existential crisis that had being ongoing throughout the best part of the 90s. I agree that a lot of us in this field have issues, but is that a bad thing? It permits a much higher level of empathy for our charges for one.
Loosing this ability, as a result of having a Stroke at only 36 years old has thrown me into another existential crisis. This place in fact has been a god send. Although I don't live alone I was very isolated, I can understand that saying " you can be in a room full of people and still be completely alone"
Helping others is almost certainly a good thing for the heart mind and soul. And whilst I admit that there are real limitations to what psychiatry can achieve, just being there and actually listening to people is so much more valuable than all the clever stuff that scientific research has thrown up. I miss the opportunity to do this and I'm only now understanding that, I feel that I owe this place and its inhabitants, especially its inhabitants, who have been welcoming and helpful so much for helping to bring me to this point of wisdom.
Gordon
P.S. Thanks for pointing out that I was being an **** with that comment I leveled at Max. I have posted an apology.
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Hi Gordon,
Of Hesse's work, I am only familiar with Siddhartha. I didn't feel particularly inspired to explore more of his work at the time, but that is not to say that I won't ever circle back to him.
If you like fiction that has a good dose of philosophy, grab a copy of Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I just bought a new copy and started reading it again for the 4th or 5th time.
Another book that is highly accessible and very well written is The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley. It does a wonderful job of tying many traditions of thought together.
From the jacket text:
"In this profoundly important work, Mr. Huxley has made no attempt to 'found a new religion'; but in analyzing the Natural Theology of the Saints, as he has described it, he provides us with an absolute standard of faith by which we can judge both our moral depravity as individuals and the insane and often criminal behaviour of the national societies we have created."
Of Hesse's work, I am only familiar with Siddhartha. I didn't feel particularly inspired to explore more of his work at the time, but that is not to say that I won't ever circle back to him.
If you like fiction that has a good dose of philosophy, grab a copy of Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I just bought a new copy and started reading it again for the 4th or 5th time.
Another book that is highly accessible and very well written is The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley. It does a wonderful job of tying many traditions of thought together.
From the jacket text:
"In this profoundly important work, Mr. Huxley has made no attempt to 'found a new religion'; but in analyzing the Natural Theology of the Saints, as he has described it, he provides us with an absolute standard of faith by which we can judge both our moral depravity as individuals and the insane and often criminal behaviour of the national societies we have created."
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Yes of course, Dopamine, seems like everything is involved with it, just certain things more so than others/Some even Hell of a lot more than ever should be normal. The Stimulant's are bad off, anyone that knows about/had any pretty relatively pure Glass knows exactly what I'm talking about, you cannot ever experience that same Rush/exhilaration ever again/find it naturally, Personally in my opinion. Probably another reason why I can't stop thinking about it. Other big one I want lean toward the more Serotonin and norepinephrine and say MDMA all that, its so amazing... Sex is probably only thing/few things that comes close as far as stimulating/euphoric/therapeutic like a ton of waves of Empathy its beautiful. It really is like that, say take any normal stimulation/usual activity/involvement and yeah magnify that by 1000/10,000 that's what its like, I still get Shivers thinking about it, it's that powerful.
It is like Burnt/ingrained into my Memory forever etc
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It looks like there is some interest, so I will start a thread in the "instruments and amps" forum when I have some spare time to sit in front of the computer.
I got to play with an Odyssey for like 10 years, since I had one. My first synth was the original PAIA kit with the little wire button keyboard. 1968 maybe? I built a digital synth with RTL logic chips in 1972 and 1973....it took a while to hand wire over 300 chips on perf board.
I do not have any SSM2210's, but the SSM2212 is still in production at Analog Devices, although now in SOIC package only. I will solder wires on them and stuff the wires into an IC socket, but since these critters are $6 each, that is plan "C". I have a box full of vintage dual transistors that I collected back in the early 70's. I also have several hundred 2N3904's for plan "A" and "B".
I plan on building up the boards as they were designed, then making up a front panel of my own design that follows the MFOS schematic. Once the machine is fully functional, I plan on replacing that front panel with a digital equivalent (rotary encoders, PIC chip, and DAC's) to allow program storage. Next up, a MIDI interface..........
Hi Cogitech,
At that time Hesse was on the same page as me, therefore very valuable. I did read Siddhartha but it wasn't one of the ones with which I made a real connection. The glass bead game and Narcissus & Goldmund where the two that really spoke to me at that time.
I always fancied reading, "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" but am yet to do so.
I've read Huxley's brave new world, quite recently in fact for the second time. I first read it on a long train Journey between Crewe, in England and Glasgow, in Scotland! It had a lasting effect on me, it touched on some very profound issues many of which are very pertinent in the world of today. I also read Huxley's the doors of perception and Heaven&Hell, regarding his experiences with mescaline. I have a copy of his novel "Island" but I've never felt that it was the right time to read it, somehow I sense that it has an important message for me, when the time is right.
Gordon.
I've got most of Huxley's work on my shelf. Like you, I have not read them all yet. Island is quite good, but it did not have the lasting impression, for me, that Brave New World did. One that I started, but was not inspired to finish, is Chrome Yellow. Perhaps it'll work better for me later in life. Either way, I am a huge fan of his work. I wish the world had more men like him.
Klaus Schultz, the German electronic musician was partial to a good smoke during the creative process. If you have read the inside of the Mirage gatefold lp you will see what I mean. He attributes some sort of super intelligence to his synthesizers, which he describes as guiding him rather than the other way round. There was a big photo of him smoking a great big fatty! Oh the 70s must have been marvelous!🙂
When Malcolm Mooney, the original singer of CAN, had himself committed (acute paranoia) the rest of the band jokingly said that it was because he couldn't keep up with their heavy consumption of hashish and red wine.
On a lighter note he never really left the band as they kept paying him even though he never sang with them again. In fact everybody who was in that band kept getting the exact same amount of money as everybody else.
That is quite a sweeping condemnation of an entire genre of music, but your right!
Seriously though, disco is shallow in general and particularly in comparison to 70s rock music like ELP, pink Floyd, king crimson, yes, etc which was very serious both musically and in terms of lyrical content.
My preference is for the latter, but I do think sometimes these bands and their followers were way too serious, I've been there myself. Disco is relatively harmless and can be fun when drunk, though your not going to have any profound insights about life, the universe and everything! I haven't had much experience of cokeheads, I was 3 in 1976 round about when the whole disco thing happened.
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Sorry for kind of turning this into All substance's/craziness etc kinda inappropriate, more I think now.
If I was spending day after day surrounded by as much amazing gear as Klaus, I might begin to believe something like that too!
By the way, here's what that little black kitty-cat has got me listening to.
-- Jim
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