A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"
" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 60 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 60 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
An English teacher is reminding her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-**** Johnny in the back of the room shouts out, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and says sweetly,
"That's not an excuse. You can write with your other hand."
One smart-**** Johnny in the back of the room shouts out, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and says sweetly,
"That's not an excuse. You can write with your other hand."
Had the woods, the creek, the steep hills around the corner. Stole planks for builders and built a fortress, fought with bow and arrows, swords (wooden) and spears. The creek and its ponds were very cool in springtime ....
Good news boys!
Recent studies have proven that erectile dysfunction can be reversed with a simple combination of diet and exercise!
The hard part is getting your wife to diet and exercise.
Recent studies have proven that erectile dysfunction can be reversed with a simple combination of diet and exercise!
The hard part is getting your wife to diet and exercise.
You forgot Dettol and Gee's Linctus. A search suggests it had a tincture of opium in it, and I vaguely remember it said that on the bottle. It certainly made me feel better. No idea what Dettol included, but here's my experience of its use.
At age twelve we visited maiden aunt who gave me a pair of old roller skates. The skateboard generation is familiar with wide tapered soft sticky tyres on ball races, on a central axle that steers as you lean. That's almost what my skates at home had. Oh no, these were from an earlier generation with narrow steel wheels and apparently no steering, as I discovered as I went down a steep hill and saw gravel on the path. I knew it was all going to go wrong, so I threw myself onto the grass and most of me made it, just not my ankles and one calf. Took off a lot of skin, down to the bone on one ankle. Obviously, I was worried about totally destroyed and bloody socks. Mother swabbed wounds with neat Dettol. Wow, that hurt! Much more than the initial injury. Spent weeks with a piece of apple crate strapped over calf to stop (long) trousers touching weeping calf.
I remember J Collis Brown's Chlorodyne. Had morphine in it. Definitely had a feelgood factor! They still sell it i think, as J Collis Brown's mixture. Not sure if it still has the same active ingredients!
You could also buy big bottles of Kaolin & Morphine for upset stomachs...
You could also buy big bottles of Kaolin & Morphine for upset stomachs...
Codeine syrup is available here in India, very restricted to 60 ml per genuine patient per month.
Pharmacy stock limit is 6 bottles....and every bottle must be accounted for, prescription to be cancelled , new prescription every time.
Codeine and morphine are nearly the same in action, though codeine is slightly weaker, and less addictive.
There are available nearly as good alternates here. Easier to get.
Morphine tablets are available for terminally ill cancer petients, again very restricted, not very expensive...70 US cents for 10 tablets of 10 mg each.
Pharmacy stock limit is 6 bottles....and every bottle must be accounted for, prescription to be cancelled , new prescription every time.
Codeine and morphine are nearly the same in action, though codeine is slightly weaker, and less addictive.
There are available nearly as good alternates here. Easier to get.
Morphine tablets are available for terminally ill cancer petients, again very restricted, not very expensive...70 US cents for 10 tablets of 10 mg each.
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There used to be a very effective coughing syrup here in Sweden called Cocillana Etyfin that contained morfin 
. It did really help, I remember many years ago when I gort a prescription and used normally, I had some odd seizures when I was working at an exhibition - my heart raced and I was dizzy and felt like the world either stopped spinning or started to spin ...
. It did really help, I remember many years ago when I gort a prescription and used normally, I had some odd seizures when I was working at an exhibition - my heart raced and I was dizzy and felt like the world either stopped spinning or started to spin ...
In Ireland when I was young - late 1940s - the general first aid for all manner of injuries was a bread-poultice.
[I was put on morphine pain-killers for a back problem about 4 years ago...result?...I kept collapsing straight down
without any loss of consciousness. I had to sleep in a chair for some weeks following such a 'collapse' when I cracked one rib and broke
two others on a kitchen drawer handle. VERY dangerous drugs. The emergency doctor at the hospital prescribed more of the
exact same drug!!!!!
[I was put on morphine pain-killers for a back problem about 4 years ago...result?...I kept collapsing straight down
without any loss of consciousness. I had to sleep in a chair for some weeks following such a 'collapse' when I cracked one rib and broke
two others on a kitchen drawer handle. VERY dangerous drugs. The emergency doctor at the hospital prescribed more of the
exact same drug!!!!!
30 years ago, or so, I broke my arm pretty bad and dislocated my shoulder, so I spent the whole night in the hospital, with my arm on a sling hanging from a traction device ( to take the pressure off my shoulder )... while they gave me morphine on the drip.
All night long the Rolling Stones song played through my head
Here I lie in my hospital bed
Tell me, Sister Morphine, when are you coming round again
Oh, and I don't think I can wait that long
Oh, you see that I'm not that strong
Damn, it felt pretty good. No pain.
The next morning they took me to surgery and fixed me up and gave me Vikoden for six months. OK, no pain, but just not the same.. ;-)
When I saw the bill, everything was expensive except for... the morphine. It was cheap.
Opiates. Are we really talking about opiates?
I have an addictive personality and I have been critically aware of this since I was a teenager, so I approach everything with caution. Operative word: “everything”. Unfortunately, I am also what’s known as a “hard head”. Codeine? Has no effect. I mean, maybe, maybe takes the edge off. Percocet? (oxycodone). Okay, now we’re talking. That works at double dose, especially with a cocktail. Feel good? Hell yeah! Too good. Scary good. So I usually choose to suffer instead.
I made an exception when I injured my hip joint before a big family trip not too long ago. I could barely walk or sit down for very long and the trip involved dragging luggage through airports and sitting on plane for 14 hours. The codeine was basically useless, so I spent 9 hours sitting in emergency (that’s Canada for you) and they sent me home with 3 Percocet. The trip was a breeze. I still have one left.
Opiates are a slippery slope. Not everyone can resist the temptation.
I have an addictive personality and I have been critically aware of this since I was a teenager, so I approach everything with caution. Operative word: “everything”. Unfortunately, I am also what’s known as a “hard head”. Codeine? Has no effect. I mean, maybe, maybe takes the edge off. Percocet? (oxycodone). Okay, now we’re talking. That works at double dose, especially with a cocktail. Feel good? Hell yeah! Too good. Scary good. So I usually choose to suffer instead.
I made an exception when I injured my hip joint before a big family trip not too long ago. I could barely walk or sit down for very long and the trip involved dragging luggage through airports and sitting on plane for 14 hours. The codeine was basically useless, so I spent 9 hours sitting in emergency (that’s Canada for you) and they sent me home with 3 Percocet. The trip was a breeze. I still have one left.
Opiates are a slippery slope. Not everyone can resist the temptation.
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I mused about the similarities between porn stars and scientists...
- Both work in workplaces starved of natural light (no windows)
- They're both poorly paid
- Most do their best work when young
- They both habitually wear clothing other people would be ashamed to wear
The toys that scientists use are much more expensive. I think we need a Venn diagram of the two professions.