A cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a bucket of whisky for his horse.
- And for you, asks the bartender.
- Nothing - I am the driver ...
And talking about singing ...
There's a Swedish snapsvisa (a song you sing before gulping down the schnapps) that goes something like this:
No-one has it better than me,
No-one has it better than me,
No-one, no-one as far as I know,
Except for my brother who lies in alcohol at the anthropological museum ....
There's a Swedish snapsvisa (a song you sing before gulping down the schnapps) that goes something like this:
No-one has it better than me,
No-one has it better than me,
No-one, no-one as far as I know,
Except for my brother who lies in alcohol at the anthropological museum ....
My wife says: Take the dog out.
Six hours later we stumble home. She says: I thought you were walking the dog?
Me: You said take the dog out. I had no idea he'd like beer so much.
Six hours later we stumble home. She says: I thought you were walking the dog?
Me: You said take the dog out. I had no idea he'd like beer so much.
My Stepfather once told me to not bother with med school as I was too stupid.
Now 20 years later, one of us is a total loser with a drinking problem and no light at the end of the tunnel.
The other has just booked a flight to Hawai'i to renew his vows with my Mother.
Now 20 years later, one of us is a total loser with a drinking problem and no light at the end of the tunnel.
The other has just booked a flight to Hawai'i to renew his vows with my Mother.
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An older guy goes to the Doctors on Friday and says, "Doc, I need three double doses of Viagra for the weekend"
Doc: "that could be dangerous, what's going on?"
Guy: "the wife's out of town, so my girlfriend is coming over tonight and she expects some action. Saturday, my ex-wife is coming over and she expects some action. And Sunday, the wife comes back and she expects some action."
Doc: "Well OK, but you need to come back first thing Monday morning so I can check for any side effects...."
Monday morning rolls around and the guy hobbles into the Doctors office, completely exhausted, worn out, and with one arm in a sling.
Doc: "Good God, what on earth happened to you??"
Guy: "Well, I took the Viagra every day but then none of the ladies showed up."
So my birthday is next month. My wife asked about the menu. I told her I want oysters, clams and mussels as I plan on Shellebrating.
Cal, that sounded very fishy, I must say. And waht if your wife schrimps the meny to just clams and mussels??
A man is waken up by his wife, after a "night out".
- The called from your job and asked why you didn't in come in this morning.
- But didn't alarm clock go off at 7 as it use to do???
- It did, but you weren't home until 9 ...
At this point one can simply take matters into their own hands, but be careful as new research indicates....
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Could you please use a larger font when posting such messages. My eyesight is not so good.
It's embarrassing to admit this.
Despite being as Blind as a Bat, I scored 20:20 in the Optical Department !
How did I do this? During the 20 minute wait to se the School Optician, I merely MEMORISED the results by peering close to the Chart! OK, a Cheat.
How hard was that!
Sometimes you gotta bluff it.🙂
Despite being as Blind as a Bat, I scored 20:20 in the Optical Department !
How did I do this? During the 20 minute wait to se the School Optician, I merely MEMORISED the results by peering close to the Chart! OK, a Cheat.
How hard was that!
Sometimes you gotta bluff it.🙂