Something to lighten the mood

[Cal Weldon]

There are so many dummies who answer no to every question. Tell me, are you one of them?

 

[AllenB]

Yes.

 

[Galu]

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.

 

[Cal Weldon]

So we're having a great get together and just before we leave, we have a group shot. Wouldn't you know, there's me looking for my keys so there wasn't an unsightly bulge in my shorts when they took the shot. I was the chaperone that day. Dumbest decision their parents ever made.

BTW, that's Kimberly T. my niece in the pink top out front. She's now a Broadway performer.

 

[Cal Weldon]

I was looking for new place where the neighbours were nice and quiet. Found one and it was even better than Florida. It was right next to a cemetery. Spooky but quiet.

 

[Galu]

I was the chaperone that day.

What's the opposite expression to 'a rose amongst thorns'?

 

[Cal Weldon]

Okay so this isn't my family but it reminds me so much. I am always the token white guy in the back In this guy's case at least he gets to show off his belly. I'm not allowed to in family photos, they always tuck me in the back to make sure I don't misbehave.

 

[Cal Weldon]

What's the opposite expression to 'a rose amongst thorns'?

Ya, ya, I'll tell you all the truth later, just leave me dreaming will ya?

 

[Galu]

That token guy obviously uses one of these:

 

[Cal Weldon]

Mine is too deep for that to reach the bottom. That's one of the reasons they call me big Cal.

 

[AllenB]

Speaking of Orions Belt. I think it's a big waist of space. Three stars.

 

[Galu]

Einstein developed a theory about space... and it was about time too!

 

[AllenB]

.

 

[exeric]

An oldie but goodie:

Why do you have to bury a lawyer at least 10 feet deep?

Because lawyers are really good down deep.

 

[Cal Weldon]

.

Since I've had this flu, I'm a bit of a coffer too.

 

[Cal Weldon]

What do you call 99 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

- A good start.

 

[AllenB]

I'm a bit of a coffer too.

Dam.

 

[AllenB]

A police officer came to my house and asked, where were you between 4 & 5?

I said kindergarten.

 

[wg_ski]

A good friend (long time ago) put this as an answer to “what do you see yourself doing in the next three to five years?” on his annual review:

“Waiting for NT to boot”

It was the one and only time he got a promotion within that company.

 

[Galu]

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.