Since I grew up Irish Catholic, does that mean I can tell some Father O'Malley jokes? They're really dirty, and since I grew up Irish Catholic they're extra funny because they're true. However, they might leave some feeling butthurt.
I could tell one semi clean one I guess.
Father O'Malley had to drive down to the New York Archdiocese, so he got on the turnpike with the rectory's station wagon. While en route he got pulled over for speeding. The trooper said "Why do I smell alcohol in the car Father? Have you been drinking?" "Only water my son, only water." The trooper said "Well Father, why is there an empty wine bottle on the floorboard?" Father O'Malley exclaimed "Well praise be Jesus' name! He did it again!"
Father O'Malley was hearing his Wednesday afternoon confessions. A man took his place in the confessional booth and said "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been a long time since I've been to confession." Father O'Malley said "My son, you must take the sacrament of confession regularly to keep your soul clean." The man said "I sure will Father. I didn't know how confession has changed! Why, right in the booth is a collection of the finest Scotch whiskies, the finest cigars... You bet I'll be back!" Father O'Malley said "You're in the wrong booth! That's my booth."
Golden years?
My rear end.
Nowadays the only time I don't feeling like taking a leak is while I'm taking a leak.
My rear end.
Nowadays the only time I don't feeling like taking a leak is while I'm taking a leak.
Prostate.
Pro: Good, Positive
State: Condition
Where the heck do they come up with these words? By the time you realize you even have one, neither of those words comes close to mind.
Pro: Good, Positive
State: Condition
Where the heck do they come up with these words? By the time you realize you even have one, neither of those words comes close to mind.
I was in Walmart the other day, among all the confusion.
I got in line only to have a Karen tap me on the shoulder saying excuse me, I was about to pay for my things. I was unaware of what I had done wrong.
She ranted on for what seemed like an eternity, not allowing me to respond.
Her comments included things like just how stupid are you?
At the end she said, well what do you have to say for yourself?
I gave her sign language for: 'I am sorry'
She melted. She apologized profusely, paid for my groceries and insisted on carrying my bags out to the waiting taxi.
She extended her arms in a hug motion so I obliged, bent over and whispered,
Just how stupid are you?
I got in line only to have a Karen tap me on the shoulder saying excuse me, I was about to pay for my things. I was unaware of what I had done wrong.
She ranted on for what seemed like an eternity, not allowing me to respond.
Her comments included things like just how stupid are you?
At the end she said, well what do you have to say for yourself?
I gave her sign language for: 'I am sorry'
She melted. She apologized profusely, paid for my groceries and insisted on carrying my bags out to the waiting taxi.
She extended her arms in a hug motion so I obliged, bent over and whispered,
Just how stupid are you?
Geez thanks Mark. I was kind of boring until you lead me to this.
Where is it located?
How to find it
How does it provide pleasure?
You'll have to excuse me for a bit Gents, I have some research to do and might be away from the computer for a bit.
I'll return uh...sometime. I have a lot of reading to do. Ya reading, that's it.
^ Well. My current biggest worry is "will the Burson Op Amp" fit into the socket that RT put in the P3 preamp.
I guess your concerns with the prostate are a bit more, ahem... pressing? You know, how you have a pressing need of Numero Uno after they, hmm... verify its condition.
Let me tell you about the other one... the colonosc.... Got another coming up.
Funny, but I'd rather think of pizza... I made an awesome one last night, chopped onions, marinara sauce, sliced zuccinni, italian sausage and lots ( like five handfuls ) of shredded Mexican cheese blend.
Oh, speaking of Golden Years.. my Medicare Advantage Plan and my social security payments start this February.
I may need a Big, Large Buick now...
PS- I don't do Walmart, I do Costco.
I guess your concerns with the prostate are a bit more, ahem... pressing? You know, how you have a pressing need of Numero Uno after they, hmm... verify its condition.
Let me tell you about the other one... the colonosc.... Got another coming up.
Funny, but I'd rather think of pizza... I made an awesome one last night, chopped onions, marinara sauce, sliced zuccinni, italian sausage and lots ( like five handfuls ) of shredded Mexican cheese blend.
Oh, speaking of Golden Years.. my Medicare Advantage Plan and my social security payments start this February.
I may need a Big, Large Buick now...
PS- I don't do Walmart, I do Costco.
Tony, you are relating too much truth.
I am simply adding content to an entertainment thread.
Stick with it buddy, you'll get it one day. In the meantime let's go back to the food thread you and me.
It's where we met and it's also where you perform the best. We have shared so much offline.
I look forward to the day I happen to drop in and stay a week.
I will bring a camera.
Or two.
I bet these guys would love what they saw.
I am simply adding content to an entertainment thread.
Stick with it buddy, you'll get it one day. In the meantime let's go back to the food thread you and me.
It's where we met and it's also where you perform the best. We have shared so much offline.
I look forward to the day I happen to drop in and stay a week.
I will bring a camera.
Or two.
I bet these guys would love what they saw.
I imagine that Monica Lewinsky may have demonstrated that medical phenomenon to Bill Clinton, probably towards the end of a one-on-one meeting.
Imagine having to put on your resume NAME: Monica Lewinsky
SPECIAL SKILLS: Uh.....
Will she get the job?
SPECIAL SKILLS: Uh.....
Will she get the job?
Father O'Malley had been summoned by the Archdiocese about his retirement. He was told they would be sending a young priest, Father Garcia, to his parish for orientation. Father Garcia had never been assigned to a parish, so he had a lot to learn.
When Father Garcia arrived at the parish, Father O'Malley proceeded to show him the ropes. He had arraigned for Father Garcia to take over his Wednesday afternoon confession. To get him started, Father O'Malley made a list of sins and corresponding penances.
Wednesday afternoon came, and Father Garcia was busy hearing confessions. One man entered the booth and said "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I had anal sex with a man." So Father Garcia scanned the list, and to his dismay anal sex with a man wasn't on it. Desperate, he opened the door to the confessional booth and there was an altar boy walking by. Father Garcia asked him "What does Father O'Malley usually give for anal sex with a man?" The altar boy said "I don't know Father, but I always get two cokes and a candy bar."
When Father Garcia arrived at the parish, Father O'Malley proceeded to show him the ropes. He had arraigned for Father Garcia to take over his Wednesday afternoon confession. To get him started, Father O'Malley made a list of sins and corresponding penances.
Wednesday afternoon came, and Father Garcia was busy hearing confessions. One man entered the booth and said "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I had anal sex with a man." So Father Garcia scanned the list, and to his dismay anal sex with a man wasn't on it. Desperate, he opened the door to the confessional booth and there was an altar boy walking by. Father Garcia asked him "What does Father O'Malley usually give for anal sex with a man?" The altar boy said "I don't know Father, but I always get two cokes and a candy bar."
My neighbour couldn't afford his water bill so I got him a get well soon card.
I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday.
"I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies," she giggled.
LSD it is then.
"I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies," she giggled.
LSD it is then.
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