Even as a child of 10, I had a very strong conviction that what I was being taught was wrong. Looking back, it was very wrong.
I've been estranged from my father's side of the family for over 30 years. It's all because of politics and religion. My younger brother (RIP) was the "good kid" and I was the "bad kid." In reality, I studied hard, stayed out of trouble, and worked my *** off for 40 years. My brother was constantly in trouble, barely graduated high school, and only worked for a couple years before becoming a complete bum. He mooched off everybody (myself included), did an amazing amount of drugs, blew his mind out with LSD, and died at 56 from cancer and heart failure. But no, he was the Good Son, because politics.
I've been estranged from my father's side of the family for over 30 years. It's all because of politics and religion. My younger brother (RIP) was the "good kid" and I was the "bad kid." In reality, I studied hard, stayed out of trouble, and worked my *** off for 40 years. My brother was constantly in trouble, barely graduated high school, and only worked for a couple years before becoming a complete bum. He mooched off everybody (myself included), did an amazing amount of drugs, blew his mind out with LSD, and died at 56 from cancer and heart failure. But no, he was the Good Son, because politics.
Ole and Sven
Ole and Sven are standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
Lena walks by and asks what they were doing.
“Ve are supposed to find da height of da flagpole,” says Sven, “but ve don't haf da ladder.”
Lena takes a wrench from her purse, loosens a few bolts, and lays the pole down. Then she takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, takes a measurement, announces, “Eighteen feet, six inches”, and walks away.
Ole shakes his head and laughes. “Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask for da height and she gives us da length!”
Ole and Sven are standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
Lena walks by and asks what they were doing.
“Ve are supposed to find da height of da flagpole,” says Sven, “but ve don't haf da ladder.”
Lena takes a wrench from her purse, loosens a few bolts, and lays the pole down. Then she takes a tape measure from her pocketbook, takes a measurement, announces, “Eighteen feet, six inches”, and walks away.
Ole shakes his head and laughes. “Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask for da height and she gives us da length!”
I don't know too many clean jokes. My specialty is Father O'Malley jokes and Little Vito jokes.
One day Father O'Malley had to visit the archdiocese in New York. So he took the rectory car and while driving on the turnpike he got pulled over for speeding. The cop said "Father, have you been drinking?" "Only water my son, only water." Then why do I smell liquor on your breath Father, and why is there an empty wine bottle on the floorboard?" "Oh praise Jesus, he's done it again!"
One day Father O'Malley had to visit the archdiocese in New York. So he took the rectory car and while driving on the turnpike he got pulled over for speeding. The cop said "Father, have you been drinking?" "Only water my son, only water." Then why do I smell liquor on your breath Father, and why is there an empty wine bottle on the floorboard?" "Oh praise Jesus, he's done it again!"
Little Vito was walking with his girl friend. They saw a rooster chasing a hen and she asked him "What are they doing?" Vito said "the rooster is trying to scare the hen." She said "Will you scare me Vito?" Vito said "sure" and took her in the bushes and "scared" her.
Later on they saw a bull mounting a sow. "Is the bull trying to scare the sow Vito?" "Yup." "Will you scare me again Vito?" "Sure" and he took her into the bushes again.
A while later they saw a peacock displaying its feathers. "Is the peacock trying to scare the hen Vito? " "He sure is." "Will you scare me again Vito?" "BOO GOD DAMN IT BOO!"
Later on they saw a bull mounting a sow. "Is the bull trying to scare the sow Vito?" "Yup." "Will you scare me again Vito?" "Sure" and he took her into the bushes again.
A while later they saw a peacock displaying its feathers. "Is the peacock trying to scare the hen Vito? " "He sure is." "Will you scare me again Vito?" "BOO GOD DAMN IT BOO!"
It really can be like that in some places. I grew up South Louisiana and remember going to the Rebel shopping center. The place had a white wooden fence with the rebel flag done with painted planks.
I saw a few movies at the Robert E Lee cinema.
I have a niece who graduated from Lee High School.
BTW, I live in Colorado now.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the print shop where they make calendars?
He took a day off.
😱
He took a day off.
😱
My son came home from school and said dad, I'm just terrible at maths. I said son, that makes three of us.
Some years back I was doing some contract work for a client. She asked me if I could "keep an eye" on a group of roving workers from South Carolina.
I met these guys and they were as close to the Dukes of Hazzard as humanly possible. My prejudices kicked in (I hate that about myself) and they must have been down that road before while working north of the Mason-Dixon. One guy said right away "I know you think we're dumb Southern hicks, but I want you to know that I buh-lieve in science, and I buh-lieve in evolution." He must have read my mind, because I think that any Southerner I meet is scientifically illiterate and a superstitious rube.
I confessed my prejudice to him right away and we all got along great after that. They taught me how to make moonshine the right way (so you don't go blind 😉) and taught me how to build and maintain a still. They talked about how they aged their moonshine (cool) and how they made various brandies. I really enjoyed their tutorial!
Then they asked where the nearest Pizza Hut was. I told them they didn't have to go to Pizza Hut because they were in Chicago, a Real Pizza Town with countless REAL pizza restaurants. I made several recommendations. They checked out a few and partied at my local joint Village Inn Pizzeria Village Inn Pizzeria | Welcome To Good Taste! where their drinking skills 😀 are still a topic of conversation there.
I met these guys and they were as close to the Dukes of Hazzard as humanly possible. My prejudices kicked in (I hate that about myself) and they must have been down that road before while working north of the Mason-Dixon. One guy said right away "I know you think we're dumb Southern hicks, but I want you to know that I buh-lieve in science, and I buh-lieve in evolution." He must have read my mind, because I think that any Southerner I meet is scientifically illiterate and a superstitious rube.
I confessed my prejudice to him right away and we all got along great after that. They taught me how to make moonshine the right way (so you don't go blind 😉) and taught me how to build and maintain a still. They talked about how they aged their moonshine (cool) and how they made various brandies. I really enjoyed their tutorial!
Then they asked where the nearest Pizza Hut was. I told them they didn't have to go to Pizza Hut because they were in Chicago, a Real Pizza Town with countless REAL pizza restaurants. I made several recommendations. They checked out a few and partied at my local joint Village Inn Pizzeria Village Inn Pizzeria | Welcome To Good Taste! where their drinking skills 😀 are still a topic of conversation there.
Where I live they use 100+ year old rusting farm implements, although when I bought this place I did also find a 25 year old motor mower, sans engine, hidden under one of the bushes.
With yer trusty dawg at your feet, your shotgun leanin' against the front wall and an old t-shirt that says "I'm a mount'n man, and I like mount'n women." 🙂
While my wife was enjoying her breakfast this Saturday morning, I moved on to other things. Knowing that it's kinda noisy, I asked 'honey do you mind if I start vacuuming while you finish up?'
Her fork dropped on the plate, she looked me square in the eye and said 'honey, no woman ever complained about the noise her husband made while doing housework'
Her fork dropped on the plate, she looked me square in the eye and said 'honey, no woman ever complained about the noise her husband made while doing housework'
