Lawyer: An individual whose principal role is to protect his clients from other lawyers.
A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it to himself.
Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding", from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
😀
A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it to himself.
Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called "inbreeding", from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
😀
Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
Witness: "Winchester!"
😀
Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
Witness: "Winchester!"
😀
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man."
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
😀
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
😀
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
- "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
- "Of course, I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
- "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
- "Yes it is, and what's your third question?"
😀
- "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
- "Of course, I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
- "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
- "Yes it is, and what's your third question?"
😀
Terrorists take a building with 40 lawyers as hostages
- We want $ 5 million, a helicopter and an airplane.
- We do not negotiate with terrorists!
- If you do not meet our demands, we will dump the lawyers, one by one .... alive
- OK. here are the $ 5 million, the helicopter is coming ...
😀
- We want $ 5 million, a helicopter and an airplane.
- We do not negotiate with terrorists!
- If you do not meet our demands, we will dump the lawyers, one by one .... alive
- OK. here are the $ 5 million, the helicopter is coming ...
😀
During a trial in a small town, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness stand, an elderly woman.
The lawyer came and asked:
- Ms. Fortunati: You know who I am?
She replied:
- Yes, I know Mr. Sanny. I've known him since he was a kid and I tell you frankly was a major disappointment to his parents. Always lies, thinks he knows everything, is very arrogant, abusive, cheating on his wife and worst of all, manipulates people. It is believed the best of all when it is actually a poor man. Yes, I know ....
The lawyer was perplexed, not knowing exactly what to do. Pointing to the room, asked
- Ms. Fortunati: You know the defense attorney?
Again she said:
- Of course, I also know Mr. Perez since he was a child. He is a lazy and a little weird, and has a drinking problem. You can not have a normal relationship with anyone and is the worst state attorney. Not to mention that cheating on his wife with three different women, one your wife, remember? Yes, I know Mr. Perez. Her mom is not proud.
The defense attorney almost dies.
Then the Judge called quickly to the two lawyers to approach the podium and says:
-If any of you asks that old if she knows me, I send to the electric chair for both !
😀
The lawyer came and asked:
- Ms. Fortunati: You know who I am?
She replied:
- Yes, I know Mr. Sanny. I've known him since he was a kid and I tell you frankly was a major disappointment to his parents. Always lies, thinks he knows everything, is very arrogant, abusive, cheating on his wife and worst of all, manipulates people. It is believed the best of all when it is actually a poor man. Yes, I know ....
The lawyer was perplexed, not knowing exactly what to do. Pointing to the room, asked
- Ms. Fortunati: You know the defense attorney?
Again she said:
- Of course, I also know Mr. Perez since he was a child. He is a lazy and a little weird, and has a drinking problem. You can not have a normal relationship with anyone and is the worst state attorney. Not to mention that cheating on his wife with three different women, one your wife, remember? Yes, I know Mr. Perez. Her mom is not proud.
The defense attorney almost dies.
Then the Judge called quickly to the two lawyers to approach the podium and says:
-If any of you asks that old if she knows me, I send to the electric chair for both !
😀
- Why the Post Office do not make lawyers stamps?
- Because people would not know which side of the seal must spit.
😀
- Because people would not know which side of the seal must spit.
😀
Why do scientists, take up more and more lawyers than rats in their experiments?
1) There are more lawyers than rats.
2) No one will complain if you kill one more lawyer.
3) The anatomy of the lawyers is simpler (no heart, no stomach)
4) Scientists do not grow attached to the lawyers.
5) And finally .... there are things even a rat would not be willing to do!
😀
1) There are more lawyers than rats.
2) No one will complain if you kill one more lawyer.
3) The anatomy of the lawyers is simpler (no heart, no stomach)
4) Scientists do not grow attached to the lawyers.
5) And finally .... there are things even a rat would not be willing to do!
😀
The wife asks her husband
- What is the difference between a dinosaur and a box of rice?
The husband answers
- I have no idea...
The wife says
- Now I understand why you do not want go to supermarket.
😀
- What is the difference between a dinosaur and a box of rice?
The husband answers
- I have no idea...
The wife says
- Now I understand why you do not want go to supermarket.
😀
- What makes an electron when it falls to the ground?
- Planck
- And when burping?
- Boooooorh.
😀
- Planck
- And when burping?
- Boooooorh.
😀
The worst thing about being a chemist is that you spend the day surrounded by bottles but you can not drink any.
😀
😀
And God said
∇ . D = 4 π ρ
∇ . B = 0
∇ x E + (1/c) ∂ B / ∂ t = 0
∇ x H – (1/c) ∂ D / ∂ t = (4 π/c) J
And the light became.😀
∇ . D = 4 π ρ
∇ . B = 0
∇ x E + (1/c) ∂ B / ∂ t = 0
∇ x H – (1/c) ∂ D / ∂ t = (4 π/c) J
And the light became.😀
Gödel, Heisenberg and Chomsky enter a bar ...
Heisenberg says: Because we three are together in a bar, this must be a joke. But I can not say whether funny or not.
Gödel replied: We are in the joke, so it is impossible for us to say whether funny or not. It should be appreciated from the outside.
And Chomsky horizontally nods and says: Of course it's funny, what happens is that you are telling wrong.
😀
Heisenberg says: Because we three are together in a bar, this must be a joke. But I can not say whether funny or not.
Gödel replied: We are in the joke, so it is impossible for us to say whether funny or not. It should be appreciated from the outside.
And Chomsky horizontally nods and says: Of course it's funny, what happens is that you are telling wrong.
😀
- Status
- Not open for further replies.