me standing: "Hi guys, my name's Jeff and I'm in the middle of a divorce."
guys: "Hi, Jeff!"
Like at an AA meeting or something...
It's been a bit rocky and we have a beautiful young son.
Just noticed a couple of members talking about #2 and #3.
So any good advice?
Thanks,
Jeff
guys: "Hi, Jeff!"
Like at an AA meeting or something...
It's been a bit rocky and we have a beautiful young son.
Just noticed a couple of members talking about #2 and #3.
So any good advice?
Thanks,
Jeff
Get thru it as fast as you can. The pain is less if the time is short.
If you can, stay friends. I am friends with two ex. be generous.
Let any and all material things go. You can get such things back again, later.
Get Joint Custody.
-RM
If you can, stay friends. I am friends with two ex. be generous.
Let any and all material things go. You can get such things back again, later.
Get Joint Custody.
-RM
Been there done that..advice...cut your throat and get it over with...on seconded thought get a really really good attorney!!!!!!!!!!!!!😀 good luck my man
try to remain friends - you'll feel better about yourself when the dust settles, and remember every thing we do is as a role model for our kids
There are so many variables. Who's fault? Yours, hers or both? Who earns the most money? Any possible future pension plans or benefit plans? Is either partner going to move far? If you go to court, add another $10,000. That is what I was told anyways. I have friends who divorced and are still friends others who would gladly take out a contract on their ex if they could get away with it. Go see a lawyer who specialises in family law. It will cost you $200-400 for an hours advice. It may be the best $400 you spent.
i can only speak from being a child from divorced parents, but i've seen both scenario's. My parents arranged it fast and calm, and they both own a big house, they both see their children very often and they are still good friends. They even went on holiday toghetter with their new partners a few years ago.
The sister of my mother divorced in an endless fight, with a lot of courtcases, and they (she and her ex) got bankrupt, and have a lot of troubles with their kids and are still, 30 years later, fighting for nothing and struggling to pay alll the depts they made during this fight.
so
1. arrange everything calm and honest, and don't take 'revenge' for whatever happened in the past. This will shorten the emotional and material 'pain'. The faster it's done the faster you can move on with your life. Material stuff can be replaced. broken bonds with family often not.
2. Don't use kids (if you have them) as weapons, they need both parents, so find a way to give them unlimited access to you and your partner. They will apreciate it and you will keep a better bond with your kids.
3. Get over it fast, life does not stop with a divorce. Get a new partner and move on.
The sister of my mother divorced in an endless fight, with a lot of courtcases, and they (she and her ex) got bankrupt, and have a lot of troubles with their kids and are still, 30 years later, fighting for nothing and struggling to pay alll the depts they made during this fight.
so
1. arrange everything calm and honest, and don't take 'revenge' for whatever happened in the past. This will shorten the emotional and material 'pain'. The faster it's done the faster you can move on with your life. Material stuff can be replaced. broken bonds with family often not.
2. Don't use kids (if you have them) as weapons, they need both parents, so find a way to give them unlimited access to you and your partner. They will apreciate it and you will keep a better bond with your kids.
3. Get over it fast, life does not stop with a divorce. Get a new partner and move on.
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If you stay friends you will be called upon to do auto repair, moving and other heavy and generally worthless jobs without any benifits.
If you're a jerk, you will likely be called only for the other ... ahem ... more pleasant jobs cos she'd want to avoid the "jerk" ...
You cant let her read this.
Married and already indicating that I'll be a jerk if divorce rears its head, so I've got that going for me.
Cool.
Srinath.
If you're a jerk, you will likely be called only for the other ... ahem ... more pleasant jobs cos she'd want to avoid the "jerk" ...
You cant let her read this.
Married and already indicating that I'll be a jerk if divorce rears its head, so I've got that going for me.
Cool.
Srinath.
Always take the high road when you can. Even if it's the hard path or costs extra $. Your kids will remember when they get older.
The kids only see what the parent that spends the most time with them shows them of the other parent.
I was the predominant parent for about 2 years ending maybe a month ago. My 11yr old's usual first words to my wife when she gets back home from work usually were - "Mom, can I have the Ipad." Or "Mom, daddy wont teach me math. He makes me read the problem over and over"
Maybe if they are adult kids and living at home, yea they may see things as they are. Usually in that case they would carry their biases forward as well.
Cool.
Srinath.
I was the predominant parent for about 2 years ending maybe a month ago. My 11yr old's usual first words to my wife when she gets back home from work usually were - "Mom, can I have the Ipad." Or "Mom, daddy wont teach me math. He makes me read the problem over and over"
Maybe if they are adult kids and living at home, yea they may see things as they are. Usually in that case they would carry their biases forward as well.
Cool.
Srinath.
A guy I know had to move out after his wife got back together with a childhood sweetheart. He had 3 great kids and has prioritised them throughout. He carries around a crowbar in the boot of his car in case he ever bumps into the new boyfriend and no one else is around. I think this helps him maintain a calm demeanour while dealing with the situation.
If you have kids, make them #1 priority, and I don't mean buying them an Ipad...
I took full custody of a 12yo son and 14yo daughter long ago and far away. Well, 18 years ago and across town.
Learn the following, when a kid wants something you say no to and they say "That's not fair", the proper response is "Life is not fair."
Work it out with the wife if at all possible, however there are times and women who are just not rational. In that case it may be necessary to fight it out.
Don't bring the kids into the fight.
I took full custody of a 12yo son and 14yo daughter long ago and far away. Well, 18 years ago and across town.
Learn the following, when a kid wants something you say no to and they say "That's not fair", the proper response is "Life is not fair."
Work it out with the wife if at all possible, however there are times and women who are just not rational. In that case it may be necessary to fight it out.
Don't bring the kids into the fight.
First things first, get a good lawyer.
Without any other details I got nothing but bad advice. I was the one who didn't want to split up so I took it hard, I tried to drink myself to death. Turns out the human body is pretty resilient and I am still alive. She was the only women I will ever love and I have been single since (7 years).
Violence is never the answer no matter what, crowbar in trunk = jail time.
Without any other details I got nothing but bad advice. I was the one who didn't want to split up so I took it hard, I tried to drink myself to death. Turns out the human body is pretty resilient and I am still alive. She was the only women I will ever love and I have been single since (7 years).
Violence is never the answer no matter what, crowbar in trunk = jail time.
Been there ,done that........let's face it with children involved it is heart breaking at the very least.
Learn from my mistake ....NEVER GO INTO A COURTROOM WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY , you will just get screwed.
And you must have someone you can talk to about this , Alcohol is no answer nor are drugs .
Wish you well,
And remember what Sun Tzu said in the book, "The Art of War" ...Sun Tzu — 'Every battle is won before it's ever fought.'
,
Learn from my mistake ....NEVER GO INTO A COURTROOM WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY , you will just get screwed.
And you must have someone you can talk to about this , Alcohol is no answer nor are drugs .
Wish you well,
And remember what Sun Tzu said in the book, "The Art of War" ...Sun Tzu — 'Every battle is won before it's ever fought.'
,
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Don't get married in the first place.
I was married once and wouldn't entertain it again.
You have to put so much trust in a woman that she wont cheat or disappear with half your assets.
I live alone now and never been so well off, I own my own house, car and have a stash in the bank. There is no one to whine that I spend too much time on the computer or audio projects. Life is much less stressful without a woman.
I always laugh at womens advertisements where the ad says the woman is worth it.
Well no she isn't !
I was married once and wouldn't entertain it again.
You have to put so much trust in a woman that she wont cheat or disappear with half your assets.
I live alone now and never been so well off, I own my own house, car and have a stash in the bank. There is no one to whine that I spend too much time on the computer or audio projects. Life is much less stressful without a woman.
I always laugh at womens advertisements where the ad says the woman is worth it.
Well no she isn't !
I blame Walt Disney personally! Every little girl has grown up with the notion that they are a special princess and they deserve a prince charming. Most women I know live in fantasy land.
true... the company ought to be out-lawed for it's lies 😎
instead of women... pets are nice too, more loyal, grateful and better company... if you feel that urge, a one-nite stand is more fun.
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