Something to lighten the mood

[von Ah]

My favorite Fozzy Bear joke:

“What’s the difference between an orange?”

 

[AllenB]

I irradiated my cat. She has 18 half-lives.

 

[mondogenerator]

I like cats --> English for I Like Cats

There I have corrected your misappropriation of the English language.

I have many boots.

I mean...boats.

I could go on all day....

I mean...the language is English, and its origin is England.

Thus by definition, any distortion of this Language colloquially or by other nationalities, is merely misuse of the language.

So we (UK, England) are right...you lot are all wrong!

Dude...that's another misappropriation from over the pond.
Do you know what the word really means?

The has the sound "thuh" not "Thee"
There is no Ae sound for the letter A, its "ah", or "a".

Eh? Is a question. Eh up is a greeting. Aye is a reply (pronounced eye)

Now if I were to talk french, then I would be subject to the same criticism, hence I learned correctly.

The French are usually far more aggressive in correcting misuse of le Francais

 

[AllenB]

I went to a pawn shop and I bought an entire chess set.

 

[mondogenerator]

A friend asked me what I was planning on eating this evening.

I said "Pasta for one".

He said, " How come?"

I said, "I was feeling cannelloni"

 

[Cal Weldon]

I mean...the language is English, and its origin is England.

Yaaaahhh...

You might want to research that actually.

 

[Cal Weldon]

I heard there was a worldwide shortage of exclamation marks and there's a chance we might run out in the few years.

I'm a dissident so I say up yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Galu]

Someone stole my antidepressants.

Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.

 

[Galu]

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.

 

[Cal Weldon]

I can't help but wonder if I've ever bought milk from the same cow twice.

 

[Cal Weldon]

Took me till I was a teen to realize sleep was a gift not a punishment.

 

[Galu]

My son asked me why I put superglue on his guitar.

I said "You just can’t let it go, can you?"

 

[Cal Weldon]

Does your dog see a police dog and think 'oh no, it's a cop?

 

[Cal Weldon]

How many times have you found yourself here?

 

[Galu]

The first few weeks of Weight Watchers, you’re just finding your feet.

 

[Cal Weldon]

He He He

Laughing gas

 

[Cal Weldon]

Two fingerprints fell in love and one said, I've never met anyone quite like you.

 

[bucks bunny]

how about tongue-twisters:

This silly shellfish is rather selfish!

 

[Cal Weldon]

Now my wife says no more rum for me today. I hate you bucks bunny!

 

[bucks bunny]

Job done