Dad jokes are clean.
I came home yesterday to find my kids had been on eBay all day...... If they're still there tomorrow I think I'll have to lower the price.
I came home yesterday to find my kids had been on eBay all day...... If they're still there tomorrow I think I'll have to lower the price.
I was just listening to a Scottish Rolling Stones cover band. Their number one hit hit was:
Hey McLoud, get off of my ewe.
Hey McLoud, get off of my ewe.
There's always another Dad joke.
My kids refused to eat the left-overs my wife prepared for dinner yesterday. She said, "No problem, just throw them out".
So I did. Now I still have no idea what to do with the food.
My kids refused to eat the left-overs my wife prepared for dinner yesterday. She said, "No problem, just throw them out".
So I did. Now I still have no idea what to do with the food.
Daddy shark teaching son: "When we see a human, first we surround him two times clockwise, then two times counterclockwise, then we move back ten meters, turn around, stay still for a moment and attack. Got it? Now you say it!" "Err... when we see a human... stay still for a moment and then attack!!!" "No, no! First two turns from the left, two turns from the right, then move back and then attack! Say it!." "When we see a human, we take two turns and grab him!!!" "No, why don't you listen to me?" "But dad, why do we have to do all that to eat the human?" "OK, if you don't understand, you can eat them with the sh***t!"
I saw this at the checkout of my favourite record store in Ottawa:
I said to the young lady behind the counter; “That’s meant ironically right?” and she replied “Oh God yes.”
Too funny!
I said to the young lady behind the counter; “That’s meant ironically right?” and she replied “Oh God yes.”
Too funny!
As a severely autistic person, along with my good and rich friend Bill Gates, my mood was not lightened by events in my house on return from the lively "Lord Palmerston" Public House in Southsea last night.
https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/pubs/all-pubs/england/hampshire/the-lord-palmerston-southsea
We mainly discussed the lively BBC News, along with the exciting upcoming Horse-Racing at Cheltenham Festival in March.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheltenham_Gold_Cup
It seems the Landlady had visited:
She is quite the fanatic for pouring foul chemicals down the pan in her cleaning efforts!
Whole place stinks like a Chemical Laboratory!
It gets worse:
As a gifted Chemist I know the ordinary people are not to be trusted with the reagents of Chlorine Bleach and Hydrochloric Acid. The combination of which will create Chlorine Gas. And possibly kill us all!
I have confiscated the 3 bottles of bleach which she has scattered round the house. Toilet Duck we must suffer. I avoid arguments.
Overall my mood is lightened. 😎
https://www.jdwetherspoon.com/pubs/all-pubs/england/hampshire/the-lord-palmerston-southsea
We mainly discussed the lively BBC News, along with the exciting upcoming Horse-Racing at Cheltenham Festival in March.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheltenham_Gold_Cup
It seems the Landlady had visited:
She is quite the fanatic for pouring foul chemicals down the pan in her cleaning efforts!
Whole place stinks like a Chemical Laboratory!
It gets worse:
As a gifted Chemist I know the ordinary people are not to be trusted with the reagents of Chlorine Bleach and Hydrochloric Acid. The combination of which will create Chlorine Gas. And possibly kill us all!
I have confiscated the 3 bottles of bleach which she has scattered round the house. Toilet Duck we must suffer. I avoid arguments.
Overall my mood is lightened. 😎
Last edited:
We don't suffer from limescale in my location.
The water from Loch Katrine, which supplies Glasgow, is so soft that Tennent has to add gypsum in order to successfully brew its lager.
I know, cos I've been on several guided tours of the Wellpark Brewery!
Attachments
I avoid bleach. Only at desperate issues, high risk of bad germs.
I use white vinager is lot, acetic acid 8% if available. Does wonder over time, won't damage or upset a thing.
I use white vinager is lot, acetic acid 8% if available. Does wonder over time, won't damage or upset a thing.
We were briefly worried about the state of the UK economy yesterday.
Seemed like all the economic indices were going down. 😕
Enough to drive a Man to Drink:
Happily all is restored!
Penny Mordaunt in Charge:
It's gonna be alright! A Conservative vote-winner IMO. From Portsmouth. And named after a Battleship. HMS Penelope.
Not that I would reduce certain events to a swimsuit contest.
Best Regards from Steve in Portsmouth, UK.
Seemed like all the economic indices were going down. 😕
Enough to drive a Man to Drink:
Happily all is restored!
Penny Mordaunt in Charge:
It's gonna be alright! A Conservative vote-winner IMO. From Portsmouth. And named after a Battleship. HMS Penelope.
Not that I would reduce certain events to a swimsuit contest.
Best Regards from Steve in Portsmouth, UK.
Last edited: