Something to lighten the mood

If you sit on the table, your mom tells you to get your *** off and mind your manners. If you sit on your electronic work bench, you deserve the soldering-iron-shaped burn on your backside. The only bench that makes sense is the one in the dugout, and pine is relatively cheap compared to other wood.
 
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My old mate Allen Wright once charged me with building him a workbench for a new manufacturing venture. His specification was that it had to "be able to withstand two pairs of fat people copulating on top of it" and that he "preferred screwing to gluing."

He complimented me when that business was winding down by telling me the only way he could get those benches out again was to demolish them with a sledge hammer.