KITE
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it
comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "What you need is a piece of tail". The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite".
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it
comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "What you need is a piece of tail". The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite".
Re: Re: Reading the regular threads
That's because you are too serious Elso...
Jan Didden
PS Got your package, thanks.
Elso Kwak said:
That's because you are too serious Elso...
Jan Didden
PS Got your package, thanks.
Re: Re: Re: Reading the regular threads
No, no will not add another Kid Rock lyrics!
Me too serious.........?janneman said:
No, no will not add another Kid Rock lyrics!
dhaen said:
Civii Romanii habent ne pavis. Caligula ederat. DIYAUDIO autem habent paves multes.
Oh Sorry, didn't realize I was in the wrong language:
KITE
A maritus in suus tergum yard est trying volo a kite. Is conicio kite sursum in aer , ventus reprehendo is parumper pauci secundus , tunc is adveho fragosus tergum tenus terra. Is exertus is pauci magis vicis per haud prosperitas. Usque dum , suus uxor est vigilo ex kitchen fenestra , mussito ut ipsa quam men postulo didico quam efficio panton. Is patefacio fenestra quod crocus ut suus maritus , " quis vos postulo est a piece of penis ". vir volvit per a inconditus vultus in suus visio quod says , " confingo vestri mens. Permaneo nox noctis vos told mihi praecessi no a kite ".
(which is probably totally wrong)
KITE
A maritus in suus tergum yard est trying volo a kite. Is conicio kite sursum in aer , ventus reprehendo is parumper pauci secundus , tunc is adveho fragosus tergum tenus terra. Is exertus is pauci magis vicis per haud prosperitas. Usque dum , suus uxor est vigilo ex kitchen fenestra , mussito ut ipsa quam men postulo didico quam efficio panton. Is patefacio fenestra quod crocus ut suus maritus , " quis vos postulo est a piece of penis ". vir volvit per a inconditus vultus in suus visio quod says , " confingo vestri mens. Permaneo nox noctis vos told mihi praecessi no a kite ".
(which is probably totally wrong)
Woooooo0000000ooooooot 😀 😀 😀
Sure you aren't the long lost orphan twin of Jim? http://www.findsomethingandburnit.com
😀
Tim
Sure you aren't the long lost orphan twin of Jim? http://www.findsomethingandburnit.com
😀Tim
I can't help thinking that from John Hope's post onwards deserves a new thread. If he'd like to think of a title (and keep well away from my consumer "durables") I'll split it.
For Want of a Ladder Part 1.
This is not a Smashitty Bashitty story. . . don't panic!
In 1989 I bought a reconditioned NordeMende TV from an Irishman in East London,South Africa. It was a fine television, cira 1976, in a Dinkum Wooden cabinet. I lugged this TV set back to Midrand (near Johannesburg )and set it up in my new house.
I had already in my posession an outdoor Yagi TV antenna from my old house and so went up on the roof and affixed this, along with FM dipole. It was a double-storey house, and I did not have a 6 metre ladder, so I had to affix the aerial to the wall by leaning precariously over the edge of the roof and working upside down to drill holes for rawl bolts. Very frightening it was.
Not having a ladder was my excuse for not taking a fat earth strap down the wall from the aerial to a stake embedded deep in the ground, like one is supposed to do. So my aerial remained unearthed all winter which mattered not, because it doesn't storm much in winter on the highveld.
When summer came, all this changed. Storms galore with evil, forked lightning having unimaginable destructive power. One day during the 1st Gulf war I switched on the TV to see what was happening and was struck by how short everyone was. All the American soldiers seemed short and fat, as they disembarked from very stubby vehicles. Must be all the donuts they eat, I thought. Even Saddam Hussein seemed short and fat. But the sound seemed OK, so what me worry.
My wife wasn't happy with the picture and gravely exhorted me to buy a new television. I refused unconditionally to do this because one could no longer get Nordemende TVs in a nice wooden box, and I hate plastics. So I resigned to having the TV fixed
I decided that under no circumstances would I take my TV to one of those big after sales customer care emporiums where some inexperienced Short Course Graduate would suck air through his teeth, shake his head and tell me that spare parts were unavailable for a TV not even half as old as himself.
I decided that I wanted my TV fixed by an old man of The Old School, someone with 40 years of TV experience who would treat my TV with the proper respect and fix it decently using AF125s or whatever else it had inside. I located such a man who ran a tiny little shop and left my TV in his 'capable hands'.
Six weeks later I still had no TV and so angrily went to see the little old man. He sucked air in through his teeth, shook his head and told me he'd 'had a poke around inside' but couldn't get parts because the set was 'so old'. Imagine how he'd feel if his doctor had said that to him when he came for a triple bypass?
With much vexatious displeasure, I siezed my precious and took it back home, resolving to watch it in Stubby Mode until I resolved what action to take. But Mr Olde School's 'poke around inside' had not been entirely benign, for there was no picture at all, only an unhealthy buzzing sound. I left the set on for a few minutes until I smelled something burning and discovered there was a fire merrily burning away inside it.
At that point, I decided to have a go at fixing it myself. . .
To be continued. . .
This is not a Smashitty Bashitty story. . . don't panic!
In 1989 I bought a reconditioned NordeMende TV from an Irishman in East London,South Africa. It was a fine television, cira 1976, in a Dinkum Wooden cabinet. I lugged this TV set back to Midrand (near Johannesburg )and set it up in my new house.
I had already in my posession an outdoor Yagi TV antenna from my old house and so went up on the roof and affixed this, along with FM dipole. It was a double-storey house, and I did not have a 6 metre ladder, so I had to affix the aerial to the wall by leaning precariously over the edge of the roof and working upside down to drill holes for rawl bolts. Very frightening it was.
Not having a ladder was my excuse for not taking a fat earth strap down the wall from the aerial to a stake embedded deep in the ground, like one is supposed to do. So my aerial remained unearthed all winter which mattered not, because it doesn't storm much in winter on the highveld.
When summer came, all this changed. Storms galore with evil, forked lightning having unimaginable destructive power. One day during the 1st Gulf war I switched on the TV to see what was happening and was struck by how short everyone was. All the American soldiers seemed short and fat, as they disembarked from very stubby vehicles. Must be all the donuts they eat, I thought. Even Saddam Hussein seemed short and fat. But the sound seemed OK, so what me worry.
My wife wasn't happy with the picture and gravely exhorted me to buy a new television. I refused unconditionally to do this because one could no longer get Nordemende TVs in a nice wooden box, and I hate plastics. So I resigned to having the TV fixed
I decided that under no circumstances would I take my TV to one of those big after sales customer care emporiums where some inexperienced Short Course Graduate would suck air through his teeth, shake his head and tell me that spare parts were unavailable for a TV not even half as old as himself.
I decided that I wanted my TV fixed by an old man of The Old School, someone with 40 years of TV experience who would treat my TV with the proper respect and fix it decently using AF125s or whatever else it had inside. I located such a man who ran a tiny little shop and left my TV in his 'capable hands'.
Six weeks later I still had no TV and so angrily went to see the little old man. He sucked air in through his teeth, shook his head and told me he'd 'had a poke around inside' but couldn't get parts because the set was 'so old'. Imagine how he'd feel if his doctor had said that to him when he came for a triple bypass?
With much vexatious displeasure, I siezed my precious and took it back home, resolving to watch it in Stubby Mode until I resolved what action to take. But Mr Olde School's 'poke around inside' had not been entirely benign, for there was no picture at all, only an unhealthy buzzing sound. I left the set on for a few minutes until I smelled something burning and discovered there was a fire merrily burning away inside it.
At that point, I decided to have a go at fixing it myself. . .
To be continued. . .
Re: For Want of a Ladder Part 1.
Is it OK to throw parts of somebody else's body in the croc pool ?
John Hope said:
Is it OK to throw parts of somebody else's body in the croc pool ?
For Want of a Ladder Part 2
My background of knowing diddlysquot about televisions was not helpful, so I phoned the Irishman from whom I'd bought the set and ordered another one as an insurance replacement. Mr T.V. Irish said it would be straightforward to fix the broken TV; he'd had cause to fix the same fault many times, he said. He said I would find a big TO-3 transistor located under the big green wirewound resistor which was burning so merrily and that this
transistor should be replaced with a 2N3055. The big green resistor, about the size of a hotdog sausage, should also be replaced. This would fix my problem, to be sure, he said. At the time I felt some disquiet about this, because a 2N3055 has a Vceo max of 100V or so, and the transistor in question was located around that thing that looks like a motorbike ignition coil and which has attached to it the other thing like an octopus
sucker that's fixed to the tube. And these things were covered in grey-black dust, all of which said to me that high voltage was involved. All the high voltage transistors I'd come across called themselves BUX something. But I reminded myself that I knew next to fried fish of televisions and did as was suggested.
And the set worked! The picture was slightly bowed, but irish.tv had said this could be cured by adjusting certain trimpots, which I did. Delighted with the results, I promptly sold the repaired TV to a work colleague called Silias.
Meanwhile, I had found that telecopic alluminium ladders cost an arm and a leg and so set about constructing my own ladder. It was - like many an engineer's home project - overdesigned by two orders of magnitude. I made it from sections of 50mmx75mm roofing timber and M12 x 120mm bolts. The resulting ladder was very strong, very heavy, and very much inside my garage where it was created because I couldn't move it anywhere. I acquired the temporary services of five strong fellows and had them remove the ladder from its birthplace and place it up against the side of the house where I needed it in order to fit my aerial's earth strap. Then followed another Great Overkill: I fitted an earth strap, connecting it to a 2m stake which had been driven fully into the ground at the bottom of a specially dug 1m x 1m x 1m hole. The hole was then filled up again with soil mixed with 10kg of salt and watered until the whole area was like a peat bog. The substantial ladder was left where it stood.
Silias reported 'a small problem' with the TV I had sold him. "I switched it on and it went BANG!," he said, "and then there was a fire inside..." I repeated the same repair using a 2N3442 (ex Linsley Hood power amp) instead of a 2N3055 because it had a higher Vceo and and I left the TV running for 48 hours, during which it behaved impeccably.
Two weeks later Silias returned with the luckless TV. "It made a BIG BIG BANG!," he said. "Was there a fire inside?" I asked.
He nodded gravely. By now I was very sceptical of the advice of irish.tv and so went and bought a great fat TO-3 transistor rated at 1400V and 5A, called BUX something. I fitted this BUXom transistor and ran the TV set for 4 days, switching it on and off many times during that period. It seemed fine.
But Silias returned three weeks later with a mournful expression. "It went BANG," he said "but this time there was no fire inside." "No fire?" I asked. Surely this must be a good sign. "No fire," he said sadly, "just lots of smoke." By then I was beginning to have regular nightmares about this TV set,
which I figured had it in for me, so I took it away from Silias and refunded him. He was reluctant to do this, being apparently quite happy for me to continue indefinitely with me fixing it every three weeks at my own expense, but I was resolute.
My wife also became resolute and insisted I do something about all the half-baked TV equipment we owned. The replacement TV from Tele-Irish made the top 50mm of the picture skew and flickering when used with our Betamax. And the Betamax got hot after 20 mins use and one had to remove the lid or it stopped working altogether. We have all this great homemade sound equipment but we don't have a TV or video which works for more than 20 minutes, she groused. I was exhorted to go out and buy a brand new 66cm Philips TV and a Philips VHS recorder. My wife added that she didn't give a fig if it was in a black plastic case and upset my sensibilities, so long as it worked properly, every time, all the time, and was guaranteed for 3 years. And so it came to pass. Wives are very sensible.
I now had surplus to requirements a Nordemende TV that exploded every fortnight and another which I feared might do so at any time. Disposal of the former set has already been described elsewhere, and I decided that Silias should have the working one gratis as a gesture of good faith. I made him a proposition. "Silias, in exactly fifteen minutes I am going to come back here and throw this TV in the concrete they're pouring in that big hole at the building site across the road. If you want it you can have it for nothing; just so long as it's gone when I get back. I never want to hear of it or see it again. Silias told me three months later what a fine TV it was. A year later he told me that it had gone BANG! and started burning inside. He said he removed the innards and adapted the wooden case for use as a cage for his daughter's white mice.
And what of the ladder, the lack of which caused all this? For 4 years it rested against the side of the house, rotting silently and sullenly in the rain. One day when I began climbing up it to replace a roof tile, it disintegrated into a pile of rotting timber under my weight and thereafter gave valued service as barbecue wood.
My background of knowing diddlysquot about televisions was not helpful, so I phoned the Irishman from whom I'd bought the set and ordered another one as an insurance replacement. Mr T.V. Irish said it would be straightforward to fix the broken TV; he'd had cause to fix the same fault many times, he said. He said I would find a big TO-3 transistor located under the big green wirewound resistor which was burning so merrily and that this
transistor should be replaced with a 2N3055. The big green resistor, about the size of a hotdog sausage, should also be replaced. This would fix my problem, to be sure, he said. At the time I felt some disquiet about this, because a 2N3055 has a Vceo max of 100V or so, and the transistor in question was located around that thing that looks like a motorbike ignition coil and which has attached to it the other thing like an octopus
sucker that's fixed to the tube. And these things were covered in grey-black dust, all of which said to me that high voltage was involved. All the high voltage transistors I'd come across called themselves BUX something. But I reminded myself that I knew next to fried fish of televisions and did as was suggested.
And the set worked! The picture was slightly bowed, but irish.tv had said this could be cured by adjusting certain trimpots, which I did. Delighted with the results, I promptly sold the repaired TV to a work colleague called Silias.
Meanwhile, I had found that telecopic alluminium ladders cost an arm and a leg and so set about constructing my own ladder. It was - like many an engineer's home project - overdesigned by two orders of magnitude. I made it from sections of 50mmx75mm roofing timber and M12 x 120mm bolts. The resulting ladder was very strong, very heavy, and very much inside my garage where it was created because I couldn't move it anywhere. I acquired the temporary services of five strong fellows and had them remove the ladder from its birthplace and place it up against the side of the house where I needed it in order to fit my aerial's earth strap. Then followed another Great Overkill: I fitted an earth strap, connecting it to a 2m stake which had been driven fully into the ground at the bottom of a specially dug 1m x 1m x 1m hole. The hole was then filled up again with soil mixed with 10kg of salt and watered until the whole area was like a peat bog. The substantial ladder was left where it stood.
Silias reported 'a small problem' with the TV I had sold him. "I switched it on and it went BANG!," he said, "and then there was a fire inside..." I repeated the same repair using a 2N3442 (ex Linsley Hood power amp) instead of a 2N3055 because it had a higher Vceo and and I left the TV running for 48 hours, during which it behaved impeccably.
Two weeks later Silias returned with the luckless TV. "It made a BIG BIG BANG!," he said. "Was there a fire inside?" I asked.
He nodded gravely. By now I was very sceptical of the advice of irish.tv and so went and bought a great fat TO-3 transistor rated at 1400V and 5A, called BUX something. I fitted this BUXom transistor and ran the TV set for 4 days, switching it on and off many times during that period. It seemed fine.
But Silias returned three weeks later with a mournful expression. "It went BANG," he said "but this time there was no fire inside." "No fire?" I asked. Surely this must be a good sign. "No fire," he said sadly, "just lots of smoke." By then I was beginning to have regular nightmares about this TV set,
which I figured had it in for me, so I took it away from Silias and refunded him. He was reluctant to do this, being apparently quite happy for me to continue indefinitely with me fixing it every three weeks at my own expense, but I was resolute.
My wife also became resolute and insisted I do something about all the half-baked TV equipment we owned. The replacement TV from Tele-Irish made the top 50mm of the picture skew and flickering when used with our Betamax. And the Betamax got hot after 20 mins use and one had to remove the lid or it stopped working altogether. We have all this great homemade sound equipment but we don't have a TV or video which works for more than 20 minutes, she groused. I was exhorted to go out and buy a brand new 66cm Philips TV and a Philips VHS recorder. My wife added that she didn't give a fig if it was in a black plastic case and upset my sensibilities, so long as it worked properly, every time, all the time, and was guaranteed for 3 years. And so it came to pass. Wives are very sensible.
I now had surplus to requirements a Nordemende TV that exploded every fortnight and another which I feared might do so at any time. Disposal of the former set has already been described elsewhere, and I decided that Silias should have the working one gratis as a gesture of good faith. I made him a proposition. "Silias, in exactly fifteen minutes I am going to come back here and throw this TV in the concrete they're pouring in that big hole at the building site across the road. If you want it you can have it for nothing; just so long as it's gone when I get back. I never want to hear of it or see it again. Silias told me three months later what a fine TV it was. A year later he told me that it had gone BANG! and started burning inside. He said he removed the innards and adapted the wooden case for use as a cage for his daughter's white mice.
And what of the ladder, the lack of which caused all this? For 4 years it rested against the side of the house, rotting silently and sullenly in the rain. One day when I began climbing up it to replace a roof tile, it disintegrated into a pile of rotting timber under my weight and thereafter gave valued service as barbecue wood.
Jaco: Here's the book they'll throw at you:
1. Desecrating a corpse
2. Polluting a public water resource.
3. Failing to properly dispose of human remains.
4. Disposing of human remains without the necessary license.
3. Cruelty to animals.
5. Hindering public workers in the course of their duties.
6. Purveying meat products without a proper permit
7. Transporting human remains without a permit
8. Creating a public nuisance.
9. Performing works of public enterrtainment without a license.
10. Wilfully endangering members of the public
10. Anything else they want under the new 'security laws'
Hope you get a cellmate that doesn't snore.
Cheers
JFH
1. Desecrating a corpse
2. Polluting a public water resource.
3. Failing to properly dispose of human remains.
4. Disposing of human remains without the necessary license.
3. Cruelty to animals.
5. Hindering public workers in the course of their duties.
6. Purveying meat products without a proper permit
7. Transporting human remains without a permit
8. Creating a public nuisance.
9. Performing works of public enterrtainment without a license.
10. Wilfully endangering members of the public
10. Anything else they want under the new 'security laws'
Hope you get a cellmate that doesn't snore.
Cheers
JFH
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