Crazy things your parents said

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'Just wait 'til your Father gets home!"
Maybe the scariest one of all to a little kid who just did something stupid.
And once he got home, he would crack his belt while walking down the hall. Then, once he entered the room within which we were confined, he'd toss out one of the following gems depending on his particular level of frustration...

Level 1 - I'll wipe that smile off your face.
Level 2 - I'll uncross those eyes. (I'm cross-eyed).
Level 3 - I'll knock you into next week.
Level 4 - I'll smack you so hard your grandkids will feel it.
Level 5 - This was for truly historic f-ups and doesn't warrant repeating. It creates a truly horrific mental image and could render readers faint.

I still grin from ear to ear; I'm still cross-eyed; I've never experienced time travel; I never had kids; and last I checked, the fellas were still in place.
 
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Then he still hasn’t hit you hard enough yet.

I remember the day my stepdad lost all control over me. My little sister threw a brick at me (and it hit). I made the “mistake” of pitching it back in her direction - and he saw. He picked me up and threw me ten feet in the air - right into the side of the house (a cheap aluminum-sided mobile home). Spent the next 20 minutes beating me every which way but Sunday for leaving a dent. I never listened to another word he said, and from then on any attempt at discipline was absolutely futile.
 
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^ Dang! Sorry to hear that.

In fairness, my dad was a lot of bark, and some bite (dare I say appropriately) when I was maybe under 13 or so. He'd just scare the bejesus out of us most of the time. After about 13 or so, the threats and administration of punishment were rarely corporal in nature. In my teens, it was still some barking... but mostly withholding of privileges and a crap-ton of work around the house. By contrast, I remember the one time (I was probably around 14 or 15) that I mouthed back and called his "bluff" vs. the expected reply of yes, sir. I showed a total lack of respect. Big Mistake... Huge.... I am witness that the man could actually "box your ears".

I'm sitting here hanging out with the old man as I type this. I had a great childhood, and he was / is a super father. Don't want anyone to think he was abusive. That's certainly not the case. He's still very colorful and creative with his language.

Which brings me to one of my mother's other sayings... sadly said too often... It's only sheet metal. Glad you're not hurt. Now get your A$$ to work. You'd better leave early, you're walkin'.
 
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On trying to pull the wool over my father's eyes: “I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking”.
I used to hear that in Scotland many years ago, think I need to import it!

Along with great words like "shoogle" (what you do with a crackly switch to try and quiet it up) and "Barry" (jolly good)
 
I used to hear that in Scotland many years ago...

That reminds of things my granny would say - with translations.

"Whit's fur ye will no go by ye" - if it's meant to be, it will happen.

"Ye're a lang time deid" - Enjoy your life

"Dinnae talk mince" - Stop talking nonsense

"Awa' an' bile yer heid" - Don't be ridiculous.

"Dinnae be a wee clype!" - Stop telling tales

"I'll skite ye across the ear" - I will slap you on the ear.

"Stoap footering wae that"- Stop fidgeting with that.
 
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How many parents told their children 'not to smoke' - being smokers themselves. I didn't give up until I was 50. A filthy habit for me, an addiction for others. A far bigger killer than all other addictive substances put together but still legal. Once I gave up I couldn't understand how my wife of 36 years put up with the stench in the home and on my clothes and breath for the first 7 years together.
 
That reminds of things my granny would say - with translations.

"Whit's fur ye will no go by ye" - if it's meant to be, it will happen.

"Ye're a lang time deid" - Enjoy your life

"Dinnae talk mince" - Stop talking nonsense

"Awa' an' bile yer heid" - Don't be ridiculous.

"Dinnae be a wee clype!" - Stop telling tales

"I'll skite ye across the ear" - I will slap you on the ear.

"Stoap footering wae that"- Stop fidgeting with that.

Wonderful - my dad was born in Possil park and when he got angry or emotional he reverted to the Glaswegian dialect. I first visited Glasgow to stay with his brother when I was 10. I got off the train and had to wait for my uncle to collect me. He was late, this was 1955. A railway employee, possibly a ticket collector saw I was worried and came up to me. He spoke and I couldn't understand a single word he said - it certainly wasn't English, I was born and brought up on the South Coast of England.

A 10 year old then was far less worldly wise than now and for 3 days it was frightening being unable to understand anything. Then on the 4th day it suddenly clicked, it was a huge relief not only for me but for dad's family as well. I remember how 'controlled' kids were in Glasgow compared to back home where we would go off for the whole day and walk miles having skirmishes crossing 'territories' of other kids. A bottle of water and a sandwich or two. One day I decided to walk into the centre from Maryhill and was gone all day. Had a great time not realising that this kind of freedom was unknown for kids in Glasgow. My uncle and his wife were really worried and angry - I got sent home early.

I've run into people from other European countries who visited Newcastle thinking they had a good grasp of English LOL.