Dad started this when he was around 50ish.
"Don't worry, I'll soon be dead".
He lived till just shy of 91 when covid got him.
"Don't worry, I'll soon be dead".
He lived till just shy of 91 when covid got him.
My dad made up the most wonderful illnesses to convince us that we should eat something or the other...
You'd better eat your broccoli or you'll get hybolical flip of the blowhole....
If you don't eat your liver, you'll get stagnacious polifarnitis...
.
.
.
My mom occasionally tells a story of a tummy ache in school. It was probably kindergarten or 1st grade. Apparently, I told the school nurse that I must be suffering something akin to hyperfluxia of the lower lunderflappen. You see, I had secretly fed my peas to the dog the previous evening. I was writhing about contemplating certain death while confessing my sin to the nurse and describing how I must have the dreaded pea-deficiency disease. More importantly, I needed an IV with D5W STAT! and 10cc of Ringer's solution to cure what ailed me. I was a big fan of the television show "Emergency!" at the time, and I just knew that would save me. Neither the nurse nor Mom were pleased.
That may have led my mother to say, as she often did, "I should have let the wolves keep you." Both my brother and I were often told we were rescued from wolves.
You'd better eat your broccoli or you'll get hybolical flip of the blowhole....
If you don't eat your liver, you'll get stagnacious polifarnitis...
.
.
.
My mom occasionally tells a story of a tummy ache in school. It was probably kindergarten or 1st grade. Apparently, I told the school nurse that I must be suffering something akin to hyperfluxia of the lower lunderflappen. You see, I had secretly fed my peas to the dog the previous evening. I was writhing about contemplating certain death while confessing my sin to the nurse and describing how I must have the dreaded pea-deficiency disease. More importantly, I needed an IV with D5W STAT! and 10cc of Ringer's solution to cure what ailed me. I was a big fan of the television show "Emergency!" at the time, and I just knew that would save me. Neither the nurse nor Mom were pleased.
That may have led my mother to say, as she often did, "I should have let the wolves keep you." Both my brother and I were often told we were rescued from wolves.
If you don't eat your (bread) crusts your hair will never curl
If you swallow chewing gum it'll wrap round your heart and you'll die
Stop sucking your pencil; you'll get lead poisoning
That's not music. That's just noise
If you swallow chewing gum it'll wrap round your heart and you'll die
Stop sucking your pencil; you'll get lead poisoning
That's not music. That's just noise
My dad used to tell me that, as hard as metalwork files are, imagine how hard the tools had to be to make them...
Whenever I replied to something I'd not heard properly by saying "Ay?" I got the response "Horses eat it, tramps sleep in it"
When I was told to go out and play: "but Mum, it's raining" to which the response was, "you're not a sugar lump, get out it'll do you good"
When I was told to go out and play: "but Mum, it's raining" to which the response was, "you're not a sugar lump, get out it'll do you good"
When I was young boy, I heard frequently: "you are lying, because your nose is soft!". I tested it in front of the mirror: "ice is hot" - soft. "the sky is yellow" - damn, soft. How did it know?
Gramma always used to say ‘your gonna feel that when you get old’ …….she was right! Another was ‘wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which one fills up first!’ ………she was right again! 😆
edit; I see wg-ski already used the second one……its worth a re-up!
edit; I see wg-ski already used the second one……its worth a re-up!
Last edited:
Hurry up and eat before it gets cold !
yep, can’t get rid of it and standard operating procedure still
yep, can’t get rid of it and standard operating procedure still
"If you hit your mother your hand will grow out of your grave."
"My nipple is itching, there'll be snow tomorrow."
"Finish your food or it will be raining tomorrow."
"My nipple is itching, there'll be snow tomorrow."
"Finish your food or it will be raining tomorrow."
"Hurry up! Time and tide waits for no man." From my dad who was a Navy man.
"You're going to wear your hair off your f@#$&*! ears and off your f)+&!#$ collar until you're 40!" My dad in 1973 (I was about 15) just about when I got a little too big to drag to the barber shop.
"G@! Damn it Eddie!" Every day from 1967 until 2009 when he died. Yes that's 40 years of daily G@! Damn Its.
"G@! Damn it Eddie!" Every day from 1967 until 2009 when he died. Yes that's 40 years of daily G@! Damn Its.
"It'll never get better if you pick it"
"But you had a bath just last week"
"Oil is the best engineer" - Maybe not so crazy from my engineer dad. However, he also claimed that after he had repaired a Spifire engine he had to accompany the pilot on a test flight in order to assure the quality of his workmanship. It must have been very crowded in that cramped cockpit!
"But you had a bath just last week"
"Oil is the best engineer" - Maybe not so crazy from my engineer dad. However, he also claimed that after he had repaired a Spifire engine he had to accompany the pilot on a test flight in order to assure the quality of his workmanship. It must have been very crowded in that cramped cockpit!
If you keep rolling our eyes back in your head they may stay there permanently
On being cheap, picking on the Scottish neighbours, Short arms, long pockets
If you throw enough crap against the wall, some is bound to stick
Squeaky wheel gets the grease
Take a long walk off a short peer
Cover turds in chocolate someone’s going to buy it, Dad liked to say that about the Americans, sorry Americans, just quoting Dad
Dad’s advise when it came to relationships and marriage in general,
Is the f’n you’re getting worth the f’n you’re getting?
You don’t get married to be happy!
There’s more just some examples of my upbringing
On being cheap, picking on the Scottish neighbours, Short arms, long pockets
If you throw enough crap against the wall, some is bound to stick
Squeaky wheel gets the grease
Take a long walk off a short peer
Cover turds in chocolate someone’s going to buy it, Dad liked to say that about the Americans, sorry Americans, just quoting Dad
Dad’s advise when it came to relationships and marriage in general,
Is the f’n you’re getting worth the f’n you’re getting?
You don’t get married to be happy!
There’s more just some examples of my upbringing
Last edited:
This thread put a big smile on my face,my mother was a kindergarten teacher so lots on this thread resonate
I remember 2 saying that my dad always brought up
What a what ( maybe someone can explain)
And my favorite
Never trust a short man as his brains are too close to his ****.
I remember 2 saying that my dad always brought up
What a what ( maybe someone can explain)
And my favorite
Never trust a short man as his brains are too close to his ****.
