When You Have Had Just Too Much....
Hello Jackinnj,
a good list of IT jokes.
Another one I heard about (read somewhere) is a customer call to an IT phone support center.
The IT centre guys asks a whole series of questions and eventuality establishes that the office concerned is experiencing a power blackout.
The IT support guy then quietly advises the user that she should pack all the computer items back into the original packaging, and return the system to where she bought because she is too stupid to use one.
The account concludes in saying that the IT guy got fired.
Eric.
Hello Jackinnj,
a good list of IT jokes.
Another one I heard about (read somewhere) is a customer call to an IT phone support center.
The IT centre guys asks a whole series of questions and eventuality establishes that the office concerned is experiencing a power blackout.
The IT support guy then quietly advises the user that she should pack all the computer items back into the original packaging, and return the system to where she bought because she is too stupid to use one.
The account concludes in saying that the IT guy got fired.
Eric.
Engineers....
A group of doctors are discussing the type of patients they like operating on.
The first says, " I like working on librarians, because all their organs are in alphabetical order." The second comments, " I prefer accountants, all their innards are numbered in columns."
The third doctor chips in, " I find working on lawyers the best, they are so easy, as they're heartless, spineless and gutless."
But the fourth doctor sums it up, " Engineers are the best patients for an operation, as they always understand if you have a few bits left over afterwards!"
A group of doctors are discussing the type of patients they like operating on.
The first says, " I like working on librarians, because all their organs are in alphabetical order." The second comments, " I prefer accountants, all their innards are numbered in columns."
The third doctor chips in, " I find working on lawyers the best, they are so easy, as they're heartless, spineless and gutless."
But the fourth doctor sums it up, " Engineers are the best patients for an operation, as they always understand if you have a few bits left over afterwards!"
More and more often it seems that the errors I face with my customers are of the ID 10 T sort. This baffles most...untill they push the letters and numbers together 
The second most common problem appears to be a "loose connection ...somewhere between the opperators chair and the keyboard"
Motto of an engineer:measure with a yard stick, mark with chalk then cut with Ax.
It's my personal belief, arrising from direct experience! That automotive engineers "MUST know how to work on a car....BEFORE they get to design one!"
True story: quite a long time ago I worked as a purchasing agent for a major "pollution controll" company, I was in charge of purchasing materials and services. This day I call engineer "X" questioning his paint code for a machine we are building, epoxy based paint (BIG dollars) this is a machine that will "de-water sludge" a couple hundred thousand dollars worth of gear. He FREAKS on me! "you just order what I tell you....thats what YOU do I make the important decissions!" The boss at the welding fabrication shop calls me....uh... Gord... uh.. are you sure you want me to use this paint? You do know it's........I interupt...tell him of my rude engineer associate..."go ahead Ike... SHOOT IT!"
About 4 hours later.... a HOT PINK sludge de-waterer rolls out of the paint booth. Hours and hours of sandblasting later... and it's ready for yet another paint job
zardoz....boy oh boy... don't get me started on engineers.....
The second most common problem appears to be a "loose connection ...somewhere between the opperators chair and the keyboard"
Motto of an engineer:measure with a yard stick, mark with chalk then cut with Ax.
It's my personal belief, arrising from direct experience! That automotive engineers "MUST know how to work on a car....BEFORE they get to design one!"
True story: quite a long time ago I worked as a purchasing agent for a major "pollution controll" company, I was in charge of purchasing materials and services. This day I call engineer "X" questioning his paint code for a machine we are building, epoxy based paint (BIG dollars) this is a machine that will "de-water sludge" a couple hundred thousand dollars worth of gear. He FREAKS on me! "you just order what I tell you....thats what YOU do I make the important decissions!" The boss at the welding fabrication shop calls me....uh... Gord... uh.. are you sure you want me to use this paint? You do know it's........I interupt...tell him of my rude engineer associate..."go ahead Ike... SHOOT IT!"
About 4 hours later.... a HOT PINK sludge de-waterer rolls out of the paint booth. Hours and hours of sandblasting later... and it's ready for yet another paint job
zardoz....boy oh boy... don't get me started on engineers.....
Two Audiophiles meet on the street. After talking for a few minutes on asks the other where he got the cool new Discman.
“Funny you should ask. Just yesterday I was walking through the park when this girl runs up to who was listening to this very CD player. In less than a second she had dropped the Discman, and torn off all her clothes. Then she tells me to take anything I want.”
(Pause as the two Audiophiles blink and consider the situation)
The other audiophile replies, “ Well you obviously made the right choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway.”
Thank you, and be sure to tip your waitress, she’s working hard…. Is this thing on?
“Funny you should ask. Just yesterday I was walking through the park when this girl runs up to who was listening to this very CD player. In less than a second she had dropped the Discman, and torn off all her clothes. Then she tells me to take anything I want.”
(Pause as the two Audiophiles blink and consider the situation)
The other audiophile replies, “ Well you obviously made the right choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway.”
Thank you, and be sure to tip your waitress, she’s working hard…. Is this thing on?
For engineers who are having difficulty converting....
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? =
1bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? =
Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen..
20. 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations? = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations? = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms? = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels? = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital? = 1 IV League
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? =
1bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? =
Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen..
20. 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations? = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations? = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms? = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels? = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital? = 1 IV League
Unit conversion
One of Klipstein's Laws states:
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight
http://dmawww.epfl.ch/roso.mosaic/dm/murphy.html
One of Klipstein's Laws states:
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight
http://dmawww.epfl.ch/roso.mosaic/dm/murphy.html
Re: Conversion Perversion
Sounds like my supervisor at my day job.... "We're doing it MY way because *I'M* the engineer!" (to my colleague with a 2-year degree).
I think that this link is only good for another couple days, but this has been a regular staple at work for 4 weeks: Dilbert 16/2/2003
And here Wally demonstrates what I feel about my day job as of late: Dilbert 3/2/2003
Cheers!
Mark Broker
zardoz said:True story: quite a long time ago I worked as a purchasing agent for a major "pollution controll" company, I was in charge of purchasing materials and services. This day I call engineer "X" questioning his paint code for a machine we are building, epoxy based paint (BIG dollars) this is a machine that will "de-water sludge" a couple hundred thousand dollars worth of gear. He FREAKS on me! "you just order what I tell you....thats what YOU do I make the important decissions!" The boss at the welding fabrication shop calls me....uh... Gord... uh.. are you sure you want me to use this paint? You do know it's........I interupt...tell him of my rude engineer associate..."go ahead Ike... SHOOT IT!"
About 4 hours later.... a HOT PINK sludge de-waterer rolls out of the paint booth. Hours and hours of sandblasting later... and it's ready for yet another paint job
Sounds like my supervisor at my day job.... "We're doing it MY way because *I'M* the engineer!" (to my colleague with a 2-year degree).
I think that this link is only good for another couple days, but this has been a regular staple at work for 4 weeks: Dilbert 16/2/2003
And here Wally demonstrates what I feel about my day job as of late: Dilbert 3/2/2003
Cheers!
Mark Broker
Why dogs are better than wives
1) The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2) Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3) If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4) Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5) A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6) Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7) A dog's parent's can never visit.
8) Dogs do not hate their bodies
9) Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10) Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11) Dogs seldom outlive you.
12) Dogs can't talk.
13) Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14) You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
15) Dogs find you amusing if you're drunk.
16) Dogs like to go hunting.
17) Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18) If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19) A dog will not wake you up at night to ask "If I died would you get another dog?"
20) If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21) If a dog has babies you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22) A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23) A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24) If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think its interesting.
25) On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26) Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27) When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28) Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck
29) Dogs are not allowed into Bloomingdales or Neiman Marcus.
30) If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.
1) The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2) Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3) If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4) Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5) A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6) Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7) A dog's parent's can never visit.
8) Dogs do not hate their bodies
9) Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10) Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11) Dogs seldom outlive you.
12) Dogs can't talk.
13) Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14) You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
15) Dogs find you amusing if you're drunk.
16) Dogs like to go hunting.
17) Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18) If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19) A dog will not wake you up at night to ask "If I died would you get another dog?"
20) If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21) If a dog has babies you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22) A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23) A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24) If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think its interesting.
25) On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26) Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27) When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28) Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck
29) Dogs are not allowed into Bloomingdales or Neiman Marcus.
30) If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.
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