I've served over 5 years as a vegetarian, thank you.
(not cannibal, but I'd eat humans when push comes to chew. probably taste like chicken)
Bums and junkies have been on a trash (dumpster) diet, other downside is that even before you get to skin them, their carcasses have already been hanging (out) too long.
During the winter season, a frozen bum may be a last resort to avoid having to live on rotten (fu) soy beans.
Christian missionaries taste like pork according to the Maori and Polynesian peoples, hence the term 'long pig'.
the-history-of-cannibalism-in-the-fiji-islands
Dan.
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Funny neither bother me. I find grated mountain yam hard to take, innocuous but like a bowl of phlegm.
Reverends.
Catholico priests undoudtebly are a totally different animal, raised on proper food, and self-flagellated intensively to a tender texture.
We like to freeze the pods, stick 'em with a fork and eat them like an ice cream bar.
Sounds like you want to do Hot Smoke where the temp is kept between 175F and 225F for an extended period of time.
Salmon takes about an hour if sliced thin.
Ribs up to 6 hrs.
Pork Butt 12 + Hrs.
I prefer an offset smoker where the charcoal and smoke wood is in a chamber with a flue to the main smoke chamber. This is probably mostly personal preference, and for was driven by the ability to build the smoker out of two empty half barrel kegs with a section of 4" truck exhaust between them.
Hard to see in the picture, but the kegs were cut below the chines, and the chines flared to allow a slip fit. The center sections are used to hold racks for food to be smoked. They stack on top of each other and the end (not shown) slips on top.
A less expensive alternative is a vertical smoke box with the fire in the bottom and racks for meat above it.
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Looks like Gimp is doing a fine job there. 
A smoker can be just about anything. If you want to DIY and not purchase a premade you just build a box with a door on the front. Find some grilles out of an old fridge or oven for the shelves. Put some foil on the bottom, get an old hot plate from the second hand store, a cast iron pan and a bag of sawdust from a smokehouse/sausage maker. They usually have the 50 lbs. bags that'll last a long time if you keep it dry.
You'll also want a thermometer that has the probe inside the box and the meter on the outside to control the heat of the hot plate. You'll have to experiment to get the sawdust up to temperature quickly but not set it ablaze. Often a foil cover prevents that. Each pan of dust lasts about 30-45 minutes and then you empty and add more.
Depending on what you smoke, you may want a second hot plate to put a pan of water on, to keep the environment moist or to keep it hot if you're doing this in the cold. Again, you'll learn as you go along.
If this is starting to sound a little involved for you then you can get one of the Chief smokers or the R2D2 style that are popular among enthusiasts.
Amazon.com : Weber 721001 Smokey Mountain Cooker 18-Inch Charcoal Smoker, Black : Patio, Lawn & Garden
A smoker can be just about anything. If you want to DIY and not purchase a premade you just build a box with a door on the front. Find some grilles out of an old fridge or oven for the shelves. Put some foil on the bottom, get an old hot plate from the second hand store, a cast iron pan and a bag of sawdust from a smokehouse/sausage maker. They usually have the 50 lbs. bags that'll last a long time if you keep it dry.
You'll also want a thermometer that has the probe inside the box and the meter on the outside to control the heat of the hot plate. You'll have to experiment to get the sawdust up to temperature quickly but not set it ablaze. Often a foil cover prevents that. Each pan of dust lasts about 30-45 minutes and then you empty and add more.
Depending on what you smoke, you may want a second hot plate to put a pan of water on, to keep the environment moist or to keep it hot if you're doing this in the cold. Again, you'll learn as you go along.
If this is starting to sound a little involved for you then you can get one of the Chief smokers or the R2D2 style that are popular among enthusiasts.
Amazon.com : Weber 721001 Smokey Mountain Cooker 18-Inch Charcoal Smoker, Black : Patio, Lawn & Garden
Lots of good recipes out there. Salmon is a good one for a dry brine and ribs a wet brine. Remember to peel the silverskins on the ribs before brining and allow them to dry for a day in the fridge before you smoke.
30 is yoost a wee too many there laddy buck.