I still remember some silly nursery rhyme variations from my younger days.
Here are a few that come to mind. Please add more if you can remember them:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two and half
They didn't go up for water.
Mary had a little lamb
And the doctor almost fainted.
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
And burnt his ***.
Here are a few that come to mind. Please add more if you can remember them:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two and half
They didn't go up for water.
Mary had a little lamb
And the doctor almost fainted.
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
And burnt his ***.
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Why do you have to do this, it's tough for a 60-year-old to regress so much but here goes
Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
stupid Jill forgot her pill
and now they have a daughter
old king Cole had a merry old soul
and a merry soul had he
he sat on a rock and fiddled with his ****
and called his wife to see
there was a lady in madras
who had a magnificent ***
not pink or blue but
the one who ate grass
Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
stupid Jill forgot her pill
and now they have a daughter
old king Cole had a merry old soul
and a merry soul had he
he sat on a rock and fiddled with his ****
and called his wife to see
there was a lady in madras
who had a magnificent ***
not pink or blue but
the one who ate grass
Here's another one. Not exactly a nursery rhyme, but a silly rhyme nevertheless.
Hi Ho Silverware
Tonto lost his underwear
He say, me no care
Long Ranger buy me another pair
Hi Ho Silverware
Tonto lost his underwear
He say, me no care
Long Ranger buy me another pair
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each of them had a quarter
Jill came down with 50 cents
Do you think they went up for water?
Each of them had a quarter
Jill came down with 50 cents
Do you think they went up for water?
There once was a man from the Amazon
Who used to put nighties of his grandma's on
The reason for that, he was too fat
To put his on pajamas on...
Who used to put nighties of his grandma's on
The reason for that, he was too fat
To put his on pajamas on...
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
"A canner can can anything he can but a canner can't can a can can he".
One morning remarked to his granny
"A canner can can anything he can but a canner can't can a can can he".
The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled;
By Jove, he said, it's warmer here
Than in my cold, cold bed.
With apologies to Felicia Hemans (1793-1835)
Whence all but he had fled;
By Jove, he said, it's warmer here
Than in my cold, cold bed.
With apologies to Felicia Hemans (1793-1835)
I must go down to the sea again
to the lonely sea and the sky;
I left my shoes and socks there -
I wonder if they're dry?
Spike Milligan
to the lonely sea and the sky;
I left my shoes and socks there -
I wonder if they're dry?
Spike Milligan
A peanut sat on a railroad track
It’s heart was all a flutter
The 8:15 came rolling by
And “TOOT TOOT” peanut butter!
It’s heart was all a flutter
The 8:15 came rolling by
And “TOOT TOOT” peanut butter!
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two bits of bread
I think the following one was from the late, great Spike:
The boy stood on the burning deck
When all around had fled...
Twit!
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two bits of bread
I think the following one was from the late, great Spike:
The boy stood on the burning deck
When all around had fled...
Twit!
I can’t write them here, but Andrew Dice Clay’s nursery rhymes are a good laugh and his delivery is classic.
I'm afraid that I don't find Clay to be very funny at all. There is big difference between being clever versus being crude. I like material that is the former, not the latter, which is what Clay does. And that's the reason you can't present it here.
Little birdie in the sky
Why'd you do that in my eye
I won't scream, I won't cry
But I'm glad elephants don't fly
Why'd you do that in my eye
I won't scream, I won't cry
But I'm glad elephants don't fly
One of my favorites:
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy
Was He
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy
Was He
As they walked down the lane, together
The moon was shining above.
Her heart was as light as a feather
And her brown eyes glowed with love.
As his arm stole around her shoulder
Words couldn't come somehow -
For he was only a farmer boy
And she a Jersey cow.
(Napoleon XIV)
The moon was shining above.
Her heart was as light as a feather
And her brown eyes glowed with love.
As his arm stole around her shoulder
Words couldn't come somehow -
For he was only a farmer boy
And she a Jersey cow.
(Napoleon XIV)