Funniest snake oil theories

Status
Not open for further replies.
Jump to Latest
#2,964
Steve Martin said:
Ladies and gentlemen, I have to be honest with you. Uh -- I do not feel well tonight. [ laughter ] I woke up this morning with a splitting headache. [ laughter ] It was as though my... head were in a vise. [ he clamps his his fingers as the audience laughs ] I thought it would go away -- it hasn't. I took some aspirin -- it did nothing. But I decided to continue with the show anyway. [ he looks offscreen ] Pardon me, what? [ a beat ] There's a clamp on my head? [ confusion turns to relief, as Steve laughs cheerfully and removes the vise from his head ] Aw, those "Saturday Night" people! They didn't even tell me! I went through make-up and everything, and nobody said a word!

[ he drops the vise to the floor, then turns serious ]

I know what you're saying. You're saying, Oh... I'll bet he's on drugs." [ laughter ] Well, I'll be honest with you: I used to smoke... marijuana! [ he covers his face in mock shame ] But I would only smoke it... in the late evening. Oh, occasionally, the early evening, or mid-evening. But that was it -- the late evening, the early evening, or mid-evening, but that was it, I -- ohhh, occasionally, the early morning... or, oh, the mid-morning... maybe the late morning... or, occasionally, the early-mid-late morning! Or, sometimes, the mid-early morning, or... oh, the late afternoon! Sometimes, the mid-early-late afternoon! Never at DUSK! NOOOOOO, I would never smoke it at dusk! Oh, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!! Because that's when the little FAT men would come! And they would DO things to me! They'd go: [he bounces his fingers forward ] "Whoa-oa! Who-oa!" And I LIKED it! [ he laughs wildly ]

[ seriously ] But I quit that! I've quit ALL drugs. Well... let me say one thing: I twisted my ankle this morning, and I was in quite a bit of pain... so I went to the doctor, and I asked him to give me some pain pills. And he didn't want to do it, but I talked him into it. So he gave me some pills -- and I shouldn't have done this, but I took some about an hour before the show tonight, and right now... I am high... as a KITE! [ audience cheers ] I mean, it is unbelievable! And I would NEVER say this to you people, but, in this case: if you EVER get a chance, to take these drugs... DO IT! They're called... [ he glances from side-to-side cautiously ] Placebos! I mean, I'm thinking that right now I have NO idea where I am at all! It is WILD! Placebo!
Click to expand...
 
#2,967
It would take more than a leap of faith for me to believe that lot.

It would take something more like a warp drive jump across the space time continuum to another galaxy where the laws of physics (as we know them) no longer apply.

Imagine what could happen if Synergistic Research were commissioned to build nuclear power plants 😱
 
#2,968
At Synergistic Research we focus on a total system approach to create synergy in your system. All aspects of performance are taken into account and because there's more to synergy than just cables, we've developed some of the world's most innovative solutions like our PowerCell line conditioners and Acoustic ART room treatments and MiG resonance control footers. Of course audio cable and power cords are one of the biggest contributors to system performance second only to room acoustics so we pioneered several ground breaking technologies like Active Shielding with air dielectrics and custom tunable cables with Enigma Tuning Circuits to get you closer to the music than ever before.
Click to expand...
Cables and power cords are second only to room acoustics, interesting comment by a cable company.
Now Mr Denney has numerous patents, none of which I could find on line, regarding his ground plane technology, EM cell technology as this glowing report on him explains, he is rather portrayed in a messianic way in the press.
Ted Denney | Synergistic Research Inc | ZoomInfo.com

I am impressed though $75 for a bit of aluminium with a hole in it, pity there are no real explanations of what it does, just empty words to soothe the Audiophiles nerves as he parts his money for this scam...


Forgot this....This is my vote for Wife of the month anecdote, from Eugovectors' link above:
I was very curious if non-audiophiles could consistently hear when the FEQ was turned on. I enlisted the help of my wife and a neighbor, both non-audiophiles with no expectations of how things should sound. Since the power light on the FEQ is in the back of the unit, they never knew when it was on. In fact, I never told them when I turned the FEQ on and off. I just wanted to see their reactions. Also, my test subjects did not listen together and help each other. In each case, my wife and neighbor had no trouble hearing when the FEQ was turned on. Both stated the sound was bigger and clearer. My wife would shout out “bigger” and then “smaller” as I powered the FEQ on and off.
Click to expand...
What I find interesting is the insinuation that only audiophiles know how things should sound.
 
Last edited:
#2,969
Imagine what could happen if Synergistic Research were commissioned to build nuclear power plants
Click to expand...

Cost 100 billion to build, come with a ream of press reports and produce 1pW of power a year, and have to be re-positioned a few times to get the right aura for power non production, then would require 15 years of tweaking and expensive add-ons such as the Synergistic Reasearch Galileo power station mains cord a mere snip at $350,000,000 per foot, and will require 10 years break in.
 
#2,970
Not to bring the thread back on track or anything, but whilst browsing the bay recently I came across these massively-over-priced-seriously-questionable gems:

REFERENCE 3A EPISODE SPEAKERS HIGH GLOSS MAPLE (W) | eBay

(For future reference when that link breaks, they're reference 3A episode speakers)
With such design highlights as -cabinets that show no understanding of quality loudspeaker construction, a super tweeter for all those frequencies you can't hear, bybee quantum purifiers AND AND AND

(hope you're sitting down for this, because I'd never heard of it before)

ANTI-VIBRATION MAGIC FLUID! IT'S ACTUALLY CALLED MAGIC!!!

The listing says this 'alone costs £1000 for a small amount' oh, and it's used on submarines, a well known audiophile environment.

Anyway, I HAD to find out more, and thanks to our friend google found out you can actually buy a bottle for just $100, so maybe not £1000, though it doesn't seem to say how much you get for that.

Also loved the description:

Results Greatly improved sound in terms of musicality, refinement and nuance, transient clarity, inter-transient silence, 'black' sonic background, precise extended sound staging, solid three dim-ensional imaging, vital pace, rhythm, and timing, powerful dynamic contrasts, absence of aggressiveness or fatiguing 'hot' sound quality, etc. There are no negative sonic effects at all. When you hear the results, you'll agree - it's like magic!

This description is followed by the bold red text statement: Please do expect 'huge' overall improvements.


I'm confused... I thought it produced greatly improved sound? but not huge improvements? what what what now?

Anyway, it looks to me like a basic silicon/latex paint. Sure it works fine in the right places, but doubt it does anything more than coatig your equipment in silicon/latex/any other synthetic rubber would.

So, do we catagorise it as snake oil?
 
#2,971
Och aye nannoo, page not found but description matches oil of snake definition IMO.

I looked them up on feepay, I see they are open to offers, I wonder if they would accept some magic beans as payment. I noticed they were in North wales, did leek have any influence on their design?

@ marce, Is that before or after they replaced the entire grid network with quantum boring cables, and 'upgraded' all pylons to huge oak cones?
 
Last edited:
#2,973
Charles Darwin said:
Only indirectly.

It all started with a minor hiccup when they accidentally put the leeks in a vase and the daffodils in the stew and the lycorine from the daffodils gave them mental diarrhea.
Click to expand...

😀😀😀 Leeks are translated in Japan as Welsh onions even though they are native. I use mass quantities in all sorts of cooking. Daffy?

I missed out on the sub connection, the AD745 was desiged originally for a giant sonar web. The problem was all 6 or 8 secretive customers were bidding on the same project.
 
Last edited:
#2,977
But the truth doesn't let the professor (who is spending the grant money from the rich producing class guys foundation that is paying him the extortion money, so he will be allowed to keep most of his money), feel smug and superior when he piously drives around in his Prius.

FrankWW said:
Why is it then, in 2010 we had one of the greatest Sockeye spawning runs in history?

Watching the Salmon Run of the Century at the Adams River, British Columbia | The Barefoot Nomad

Sockeye returns hurting on Fraser, Skeena rivers; pink, coho, and chinook salmon surge on B.C. coast

Salmon populations are cyclical and the species don't have the same cycles and are subject to a variety of stressors and understanding of these is utterly deficient.

There is a great deal of snake oil being peddled by various people about volatility of salmon populations most of it lacking significant scientific work.
Click to expand...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom