No one. An idiot is an idiot. Just ask my wife. We crossed the US border today and when we had car problems she asked why I couldn't fix it? I tried to explain that because I had removed the tools from the trunk as she had asked, to make room for the new shoes she 'needed', that I was at a bit of a disadvantage. She looked at me like I was some sort of...(fill in the blank).
Geez, I wish we were allowed to (fill in the blank) them sometimes.
Geez, I wish we were allowed to (fill in the blank) them sometimes.
With friends like this...
-We do an orgy tonight?
-Great, how many are we?
-If you come with your wife... three.
-No, I don't participate!
--So, two...
-No, me neither!
--So...
Onanism causes memory loss and other more serious things that I do not remember.
New element in the periodic table
Analysis Department
NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT: WOMAN
1. - Chemical Analysis:
Item: Female
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic mass: 58.6 kg appropriate. (but varies between 40 and 150 kg.)
Occurrence: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
2. - Physical Properties
a. - Totally unpredictable.
b. - Surface usually covered with a coat of paint
c. - Boils spontaneously, freezes for unknown reasons.
d. - Melts if given special treatment
e. - It becomes bitter if not used properly.
f. - Rarely is found in nature in the virgin state.
g. - Yields under pressure on precise points.
3. - Chemical Properties
a. - Has great attraction for gold, silver and a wide range of precious stones.
b. - Absorbs large quantities of expensive substances.
c. - May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
d. - Insoluble in liquids and its activity increases by saturation in ethyl alcohol.
e. - Is the most powerful money reducing agent known by man.
4. - Storage
The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.
5. - Common uses:
a. - Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b. - It may be helpful for relaxation.
6. - Tests:
a. - Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in its natural state.
b. - Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
7. - Potential Hazards:
a. - Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
b. - It is illegal to possess more than one, although it may be several in different places, while not in contact, in which case a violent explosion is unavoidable.
Warnings:
a. - There are no two alike.
b. - Although it seems an abundant element, is considered a scarce commodity so easily is not one in good condition, therefore values it has.
Additional Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS.
Analysis Department
NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT: WOMAN
1. - Chemical Analysis:
Item: Female
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic mass: 58.6 kg appropriate. (but varies between 40 and 150 kg.)
Occurrence: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
2. - Physical Properties
a. - Totally unpredictable.
b. - Surface usually covered with a coat of paint
c. - Boils spontaneously, freezes for unknown reasons.
d. - Melts if given special treatment
e. - It becomes bitter if not used properly.
f. - Rarely is found in nature in the virgin state.
g. - Yields under pressure on precise points.
3. - Chemical Properties
a. - Has great attraction for gold, silver and a wide range of precious stones.
b. - Absorbs large quantities of expensive substances.
c. - May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
d. - Insoluble in liquids and its activity increases by saturation in ethyl alcohol.
e. - Is the most powerful money reducing agent known by man.
4. - Storage
The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.
5. - Common uses:
a. - Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b. - It may be helpful for relaxation.
6. - Tests:
a. - Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in its natural state.
b. - Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
7. - Potential Hazards:
a. - Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
b. - It is illegal to possess more than one, although it may be several in different places, while not in contact, in which case a violent explosion is unavoidable.
Warnings:
a. - There are no two alike.
b. - Although it seems an abundant element, is considered a scarce commodity so easily is not one in good condition, therefore values it has.
Additional Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS.
I am more alone than Adam on Mother's Day, but just keep on going.
A marriage turns 25 years of marriage and the wife asks her husband:
- My love, you're going to give away for our silver wedding?
- A trip to China.
The woman was surprised by the magnitude of the gift, he asks:
- But my love for 25 years if you give me this, what are you going to do when she turns 50?
- I'll go looking for you.
A marriage turns 25 years of marriage and the wife asks her husband:
- My love, you're going to give away for our silver wedding?
- A trip to China.
The woman was surprised by the magnitude of the gift, he asks:
- But my love for 25 years if you give me this, what are you going to do when she turns 50?
- I'll go looking for you.
- Status
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