So yeah been on my own since last April. No family, no friends, just lots of work.. What would you do ego's aside if you could picture yourself in the same situation?
The pro's are I'm working my aZZ off and my company pays overtime so that's cool, as I'm a so called blue collar worker and overtime is rare for lots of jobs. I'm thankful for all the work as it's like therapy that I get paid for but I'm really starting to burn out. Last payday was 144hrs. I had one day off in Aug, and two days off in Sept.
The con's.. Loneliness, uncertainty, no life partner to be in check with, what am I working so hard for?
Anyone relate?
The pro's are I'm working my aZZ off and my company pays overtime so that's cool, as I'm a so called blue collar worker and overtime is rare for lots of jobs. I'm thankful for all the work as it's like therapy that I get paid for but I'm really starting to burn out. Last payday was 144hrs. I had one day off in Aug, and two days off in Sept.
The con's.. Loneliness, uncertainty, no life partner to be in check with, what am I working so hard for?
Anyone relate?
Enjoy the freedom you can have, and don't try to live by anyone's standards but what matters most to you.
Overworking is not good, either - you need "me time" to balance things out.
As for loneliness, just because society says you need a partner, it's not life-threatening - there's plenty of things to fill that void/time.
Life is not all about "making money" - that's a rat-race thing.
As long as you're responsible with paying bills, etc, and banking the extra, find a happy and comfortable balance to settle into.
To hell with what others tell you or do - you live for yourself.
Overworking is not good, either - you need "me time" to balance things out.
As for loneliness, just because society says you need a partner, it's not life-threatening - there's plenty of things to fill that void/time.
Life is not all about "making money" - that's a rat-race thing.
As long as you're responsible with paying bills, etc, and banking the extra, find a happy and comfortable balance to settle into.
To hell with what others tell you or do - you live for yourself.
Oh, I could say so much on this.
I was very much a loner, living alone, for much of my life, until I was married at 42.
I do find life more fulfilling with a wife and kids, but would say don't sweat it, do whatever makes you happy and take life in stride whatever happens.
I remember a few years back when one of my parents was in the hospital, in the "public" rooms, which were 4 beds in 1 room, that the doctors were talking to an elderly gentleman about a procedure he needed. He would be reduced in capacity while recovering, so he would need someone to take care of him. He said there was absolutely no one, no friend, family, ex, children, nobody. I thought wow, just can't imagine that.
I think what I would try to do is more outdoor activity, force myself to do it alone, which I was always reticent to do when I was single. I find outdoor activity is more relaxing in a subtle and lasting way.
I was very much a loner, living alone, for much of my life, until I was married at 42.
I do find life more fulfilling with a wife and kids, but would say don't sweat it, do whatever makes you happy and take life in stride whatever happens.
I remember a few years back when one of my parents was in the hospital, in the "public" rooms, which were 4 beds in 1 room, that the doctors were talking to an elderly gentleman about a procedure he needed. He would be reduced in capacity while recovering, so he would need someone to take care of him. He said there was absolutely no one, no friend, family, ex, children, nobody. I thought wow, just can't imagine that.
I think what I would try to do is more outdoor activity, force myself to do it alone, which I was always reticent to do when I was single. I find outdoor activity is more relaxing in a subtle and lasting way.
My wife does a wonderful job of putting up with me, but...
Here are a few things off the top of my head that one could do when single:
Rebuild a Honda motor on your kitchen floor.
Fiberglass work on your kitchen table, and it will always stay there until the project is finished. Y'all know how much of a stinkin' mess that is, right?
Use living room as a workbench, and den as a nice storage facility for extra audio pieces that stay where you leave them. Lots of speakers. Big ones aren't a problem, even if they are unfinished.
Hang a hammock permanently from the ceiling in a spare bedroom just because you want to.
Go to sleep at night with Led Zeppelin playing, and loudly.
Wake up in the morning with Led Zeppelin playing, and loudly.
Cut/sand/route/drill indoors or outdoors any time of the day or night.
Bring woodworking projects and power tools into the spare bedroom, den, kitchen, etc because you don't want to work outside or in the shop at that moment.
Leave the house exactly when you get ready to, and come home when/if you want to.
Decide at 10:30 on Friday night that you want to go fishing 300 miles away this weekend, be in the car and driving by 11:00 and not come home until Monday. Without a word of explanation to anyone.
Etc. Make lemonade and count your blessings, you have plenty of them.
Here are a few things off the top of my head that one could do when single:
Rebuild a Honda motor on your kitchen floor.
Fiberglass work on your kitchen table, and it will always stay there until the project is finished. Y'all know how much of a stinkin' mess that is, right?
Use living room as a workbench, and den as a nice storage facility for extra audio pieces that stay where you leave them. Lots of speakers. Big ones aren't a problem, even if they are unfinished.
Hang a hammock permanently from the ceiling in a spare bedroom just because you want to.
Go to sleep at night with Led Zeppelin playing, and loudly.
Wake up in the morning with Led Zeppelin playing, and loudly.
Cut/sand/route/drill indoors or outdoors any time of the day or night.
Bring woodworking projects and power tools into the spare bedroom, den, kitchen, etc because you don't want to work outside or in the shop at that moment.
Leave the house exactly when you get ready to, and come home when/if you want to.
Decide at 10:30 on Friday night that you want to go fishing 300 miles away this weekend, be in the car and driving by 11:00 and not come home until Monday. Without a word of explanation to anyone.
Etc. Make lemonade and count your blessings, you have plenty of them.
I did a 4 month job away from home this summer. It's not the first time. I didn't mind it, I made friends where I was - mostly co-workers and enjoyed the work. Tim has all the good ideas above. Count your blessings. 
The super long work hours is something I can't do for long. Last job was working 70, 80, 90 hours a week on salary, no overtime. The pay was good, but what the heck was I living for? In my very minimal free time I was too exhausted to do anything. My preference is to trade time for money because I'd rather have more free time and less money. That has its anxieties, too - but I prefer it to working all the time.
The super long work hours is something I can't do for long. Last job was working 70, 80, 90 hours a week on salary, no overtime. The pay was good, but what the heck was I living for? In my very minimal free time I was too exhausted to do anything. My preference is to trade time for money because I'd rather have more free time and less money. That has its anxieties, too - but I prefer it to working all the time.
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I can relate to that.
You need to make changes to create time to feel bored, or you will burn out and/or develop health issues (mental and physical).
Get some people contact going - join a church, a sports club, a cooking class etc.
I can't really relate as my situation is similar in that I work a lot, two jobs and about 75 to 80 hours a week. But I have 2 kids, a girlfriend who has a kid and we are having a baby soon so I literally have no time to myself. I enjoy the rare hour or two I get alone once in a while but also love my girl and my kids so I guess it goes both ways. If I did have more free time I would be working on my next speaker project and riding my mountain bike and rock climbing more. Life is short so make the most of it.
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All you have to do here is walk the streets
Depending where you live in Canada, yes, it's different. I was raised in the UK, I remember before there were shopping centres. As a teenager you would just walk down town and it would be a zoo, in a good way. North America is, in general, different from Europe in this respect. If you want to be in the thick of things here you need to be in a big city (New York but not LA as it's all spread out) or you need to go to special places like the local Farmers Market. As in most places, social life builds during your school years, it's hard when you transplant to somewhere new.
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Thank you everyone for your advice and input, much appreciated!
I'll make a better response soon to everyone. Forgot to mention that I don't sleep much either so that adds to the day to day etc. Had a few beverages to wind down a bit so not in the best shape to try and be intelligent right now, or try anyhow etc..
I'll make a better response soon to everyone. Forgot to mention that I don't sleep much either so that adds to the day to day etc. Had a few beverages to wind down a bit so not in the best shape to try and be intelligent right now, or try anyhow etc..
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I think the hard part lately has just been the fact that I've had no family since 15, and sometimes things get tough that way.. I'm thankful for my job and the hours I'm putting in are getting me close to being able to pay cash for a few big ticket items so that is cool!
I'm a work and come home kind of person. I love to just be home after long hours rather than anything social like a pub or whatever. Problem is I need to get out of this house as there are too many memories and also I keep hearing things in my sleep like my wife is walking around and her cat etc, plus when I clean I still find sometimes a strand or two of her long beautiful hair. Even in my car the other day the sun lit up a strand of her hair blowing strait out towards the passenger seat from the heating duct.
Anyhow I kind of wish I never posted as I feel like a dork but I guess I needed some input..
The good things are yes I can do whatever I want, but I could do that pretty much anyways before. She was cool with me building refrigerator sized speaker cabs if I wanted too, and I could have rebuilt something moterized inside if that was something I wanted to do.. Just trying to touch on some of the comments, advice, and input rather than quoting everyone..
My plan.. Keep working and slow down on the things that are bad for me and wreaking my sleep. Replace my car or keep it and build a small tiny house, as that is kind of what I want right now. I want to be minimalist in all my domestic life and use the KISS principle for everything which I pretty much always do anyhow.. Just got to shake the feeling of coming home to the place that used to be 'us'.. I might even just get a camper to put in the yard and live there instead of the house while all the other things hopefully fall into place..
Thanks for all the input!
I'm a work and come home kind of person. I love to just be home after long hours rather than anything social like a pub or whatever. Problem is I need to get out of this house as there are too many memories and also I keep hearing things in my sleep like my wife is walking around and her cat etc, plus when I clean I still find sometimes a strand or two of her long beautiful hair. Even in my car the other day the sun lit up a strand of her hair blowing strait out towards the passenger seat from the heating duct.
Anyhow I kind of wish I never posted as I feel like a dork but I guess I needed some input..
The good things are yes I can do whatever I want, but I could do that pretty much anyways before. She was cool with me building refrigerator sized speaker cabs if I wanted too, and I could have rebuilt something moterized inside if that was something I wanted to do.. Just trying to touch on some of the comments, advice, and input rather than quoting everyone..
My plan.. Keep working and slow down on the things that are bad for me and wreaking my sleep. Replace my car or keep it and build a small tiny house, as that is kind of what I want right now. I want to be minimalist in all my domestic life and use the KISS principle for everything which I pretty much always do anyhow.. Just got to shake the feeling of coming home to the place that used to be 'us'.. I might even just get a camper to put in the yard and live there instead of the house while all the other things hopefully fall into place..
Thanks for all the input!
Being able to be on your own is not gifted to so many people. And there are two sides to it also. When your on one side enjoying solitude, looking over the ocean to the yonder shore this yarning and desire flames the soul. But when once reached it, the memory of this stillness and pivotal view lost, magnitize another longing, balancing the experience.
It is not the place where you are, it is the track where upon you're going.
You're traveling a (your) unique path, which will coïncide with others (even here on diy), and guide and confuse during the trip. My old man, passed away in '94, made an extreme steep climb from utter loneliness to celebrated generousity in public office. Mine is different, but knowing all this is simply blessing.
My hand was taken by my wife in '92, our daughter is now about to start her own path and make her own choises. Curious and blissfull. And a bitter very very remote past... past.
It is not the place where you are, it is the track where upon you're going.
You're traveling a (your) unique path, which will coïncide with others (even here on diy), and guide and confuse during the trip. My old man, passed away in '94, made an extreme steep climb from utter loneliness to celebrated generousity in public office. Mine is different, but knowing all this is simply blessing.
My hand was taken by my wife in '92, our daughter is now about to start her own path and make her own choises. Curious and blissfull. And a bitter very very remote past... past.
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Dave don't be the guy living in his trailer, that will not end well. Get out of that house, sell it and get a nice condo or something, some place that is just "you" not "us". Travel. Seriously, it will do you good. Fly to Europe for a week, or to the Caribbean, or drive to Fredericton, whatever works for you, just get a change of scenery and some rest.
Sadly, my answer to "What would I do on my own" is probably drink to excess, but that is never a solution to anything. I happen to be under a lot of stress right now, looking at a job change and move, and I realized my alcohol intake had gone up quite a bit while I fret about it, which only made my sense of confusion even worse. (If this job comes through my salary will increase >50% but I will have to move to Montreal, and my wife is not ready to move so paying for two households will eat up the pay increase.)
Sadly, my answer to "What would I do on my own" is probably drink to excess, but that is never a solution to anything. I happen to be under a lot of stress right now, looking at a job change and move, and I realized my alcohol intake had gone up quite a bit while I fret about it, which only made my sense of confusion even worse. (If this job comes through my salary will increase >50% but I will have to move to Montreal, and my wife is not ready to move so paying for two households will eat up the pay increase.)
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Actually I was thinking on asking my boss if I could put a trailer outback the plant as we are in a sort of industrial area. I could make it nice with a little deck and also then be like onsite security as well, plus have free utilities lol. I'd just let this house I'm in sit and at some point when I can figure things out better decide what to do with it. I like the idea sort of, of living on the back lot at work. No commute, a feeling of less isolation etc etc. Would be kind of weird though I guess, but it's a short term low cost idea that intrigues me right now for some reason.
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