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Could it be?
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Old 12th August 2019, 01:12 PM   #1
auplater is online now auplater  United States
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Default Could it be?

Here's a post from the internet spoofing the whole chicken little discussion currently in the news...

No need to worry about Climate Change anymore; there is something far worse on the horizon:

Top scientists agree, “With the present rate of consumption, the earth’s supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 22nd century,” say several prominent physicists. “There is a direct link between the vanishing of the ozone layer and the decrease in the earth’s gravity supply. We’re already seeing the effects of the disappearance of the ozone layer, but we’re not likely to feel the effects of vanishing gravity during our lifetimes. However, our children will probably have to deal with the issue.”

It is interesting to think of some of the results science has yet to consider. The obvious impact will be on engineering, like keeping bridges and buildings weighted down, but what about sports? Breaking records for the high jump will become easier. Football kicks will grow longer and a 92-yard field goal will not be unheard of.

Until scientists discover a cheaper alternative, we need to help.

We can conserve Gravity, just follow these simple suggestions:

(1) Walk with a light step. Carry helium balloons if possible.
(2) Use tape, magnets or glue instead of paperweights.
(3) Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like snorkeling.
(4) Avoid showers .. take baths instead.
(5) Don’t hang all your clothes in the closet, keep them in one big pile.
(6) Stop flipping pancakes.

This is most assuredly not a joke. What could be more serious? After all, gravity is the opposite of comedy. You may be laughing now, but just picture your great-grandchildren wearing safety tethers and tied to concrete posts, unable to play outdoors for fear of floating away on a windy day.

Please be gravity conscious, while we still have some.
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Old 12th August 2019, 01:35 PM   #2
Cal Weldon is offline Cal Weldon  Canada
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Not just gravity. Because of careless and misguided use of punctuation marks, it is reported the world is running dangerously low on question marks. I wonder if this is true???????
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Old 12th August 2019, 01:53 PM   #3
twocents is offline twocents  South Africa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cal Weldon View Post
Not just gravity. Because of careless and misguided use of punctuation marks, it is reported the world is running dangerously low on question marks. I wonder if this is true???????
Well, if this is true - you just wasted a few question marks. Sis Cal.

NASA should be very happy with vanishing gravity!
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Old 12th August 2019, 01:57 PM   #4
Galu is offline Galu  Scotland
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I had absolutely no idea of the gravity of the situation!
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Old 12th August 2019, 02:01 PM   #5
phredrick is offline phredrick
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I don’t know about quotation marks but they ran out of ‘r’ a long time ago in the northeast.
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Old 12th August 2019, 02:12 PM   #6
DF96 is offline DF96  England
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In the UK we have a problem with greengrocer's using up all the apostrophes - oops, I did it myself.
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Old 12th August 2019, 06:34 PM   #7
chrisb is offline chrisb
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Up there with the world class stupefying mental gymnastics performed by prominent leaders of the recently resurgent Flat Earthers, and surgically dismembered by folks like SciMan Dan.
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Old 12th August 2019, 07:19 PM   #8
Cal Weldon is offline Cal Weldon  Canada
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Huh?
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Old 12th August 2019, 07:26 PM   #9
Discopete is offline Discopete  Canada
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Joe Namath kicked a 94 yard punt in 1968.


Yikes!!!!!
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Old 12th August 2019, 08:21 PM   #10
Cal Weldon is offline Cal Weldon  Canada
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It's a huge achievement for a Quarterback true but a 94 yard punt (very plausible) is nothing compared with a 94 field goal (near impossible).

EDIT: There have been two 108 yard punts in the CFL (longer, wider field)

Last edited by Cal Weldon; 12th August 2019 at 08:34 PM. Reason: added
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