Terrible electronic jokes

Member
Joined 2016
Paid Member
An old favourite....

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
 
What's happened?

Have the jokes been choked?
 

Attachments

  • Choke.png
    Choke.png
    55.8 KB · Views: 544
No, but some of them are shockingly bad.

What is an electrician’s favourite ice cream flavour?

Shock-o-lot

What is another name for an electrical apprentice?

Shock absorber

Why are the electricians always up to date?

Because they are “current specialists”.

Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?

Because he couldn’t resistor!

What kind of car does an electrician drive?

A Volts-wagon

What do you call a bad electrician?

A shock absorber!

Two atoms were walking down the street.
Atom One: Oh no - I've lost an electron!
Atom two: Are you sure?
Atom one: Yes… I'm positive.

The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.


Story based electrician jokes!

An electrician in Heaven

A electrician dies in a fishing accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”
“Congratulations for what?” asks the electrician
“Congratulations for what?” says Saint Peter. “We are celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.”
“But that’s not true,” says the consultant. “I only lived to be forty.”
“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter, “we added up your time sheets!”


Lost Ear Accident

Two electricians, John and Dave, were working and John up on a scaffold accidently cut off his ear.
He yelled down to Dave…”Hey! look out for my ear I just cut off!”
In a little bit Dave calls up to John, ” is this your ear?”
John looks down and says “Nah! Mine had a pencil behind it!”

Exact Words

The homeowner was delighted with the way the electrician had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job.” he said and handed the man a cheque. “Also, in order to thank-you, here’s an extra £80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.” Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the electrician. Thinking the electrician had forgotten something the man asked, “What’s the matter, did you forget something?” “Nope.” replied the electrician. “I’m just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked.”

Her Clean Floor

While electricians were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning.
I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the toilet.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors.
“Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution.
“I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
Construction Workers Understand


Four surgeons are discussing who makes the best type of surgery patient.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers ~ they seem to understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

Death Row

A chemist, a biologist and an electrician were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. “Do you have anything you want to say?” asked the executioner, strapping him in ”No,” replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forward. “Do you have anything you want to say?” “No, just get on with it.” The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released. Then the electrician was brought forward. “Do you have anything you want to say?” asked the executioner. “Yes,” replied the engineer. “If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work.”

Strong Man on the Job

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said.
“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, Get in.”

Applying In Person

An electrician walks onto a job site of a large company and hands the foreman his application.
The foreman begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. “I must say,” says the foreman, “your work history is terrible.
You’ve been fired from every job.” “Yes,” says the sparky. “Well,” continues the foreman,
“there’s not much positive in that.” “Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”