The following appeared on the PIC-LIST, a newsgroup devoted to programming the Microchip series of MCU's. I post it here for an evening chuckle and note that it is not original to me, but cut and paste:
<em>"Here's my part for this threat:
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At
the station, the three lawyers each buy
tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the
three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close
the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on
the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the lawyers decide to copy the
engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are
hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
</em>
<em>"Here's my part for this threat:
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At
the station, the three lawyers each buy
tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the
three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close
the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on
the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the lawyers decide to copy the
engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are
hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
</em>
A mathematician and an engineer were given a problem:
A beautiful woman is at the centre of a field.
They are allowed to approach her, only by going half of the remaining distance at a time.
The mathematician throws up his arms in horror and says " according to the mathematics I have learned, I will never reach her".
The Engineer sets off immediately, and says "It's OK, I'll get close enough!
A beautiful woman is at the centre of a field.
They are allowed to approach her, only by going half of the remaining distance at a time.
The mathematician throws up his arms in horror and says " according to the mathematics I have learned, I will never reach her".
The Engineer sets off immediately, and says "It's OK, I'll get close enough!
Humour
Thers's these guys taking a hot air ballon trip, and somehow they manage to get lost. The ony thing they can think of is to lower the balloon until they see this man in the road.
They yell down: "Where are we?"
The man looks up and says: "In a basket underneat a hot air balloon!".
The balooners look at each other perplexed, one says: "This guy must be an engineer".
Why?
"Well, 1 - he clearly understood the question, 2- his answer is factually correct, 3 - it doen't help you diddley".
Jan Didden
Thers's these guys taking a hot air ballon trip, and somehow they manage to get lost. The ony thing they can think of is to lower the balloon until they see this man in the road.
They yell down: "Where are we?"
The man looks up and says: "In a basket underneat a hot air balloon!".
The balooners look at each other perplexed, one says: "This guy must be an engineer".
Why?
"Well, 1 - he clearly understood the question, 2- his answer is factually correct, 3 - it doen't help you diddley".
Jan Didden
from the PIC List again
Comparison
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Comparison
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer are sentenced to die by guillotine. They're given the choice of execution face-up or face down.
The priest says, "Face up. I want to be looking in the direction of my God when I die." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the priest's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the priest is set free.
The rabbi says, "Face down. I want my last sight to be the earth whence I came." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the rabbi's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the rabbi is set free.
The engineer says, "Face up. I want to see how this whole thing works." They put him in the guillotine, he looks up, and just as the executioner reaches for the blade catch, the engineer blurts out, "Oh! I see what the problem is!"
The priest says, "Face up. I want to be looking in the direction of my God when I die." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the priest's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the priest is set free.
The rabbi says, "Face down. I want my last sight to be the earth whence I came." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the rabbi's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the rabbi is set free.
The engineer says, "Face up. I want to see how this whole thing works." They put him in the guillotine, he looks up, and just as the executioner reaches for the blade catch, the engineer blurts out, "Oh! I see what the problem is!"
That's not the way I heard that joke:
A man is lost in a balloon. He figures he'll let out some air and drop down, then ask someone on the ground where he is.
He spots a man in a field.
"Hey, do you know where I am?" The balloonist shouts.
"Sure, you're 50 feet above the ground in a balloon". Says the man on the ground.
"You're a programmer, aren't you?"
"Yes I am, now did you know?" says the man on the ground.
"Because you gave me a perfectly correct answer that's totally useless" says the balloonist.
"You're in business, aren't you?" says the man on the ground.
"Why yes, yes I am. How did you know that?" says the balloonist.
"Because you're no closer to a solution to your problem than you were before, but somehow you made it all MY fault".
A man is lost in a balloon. He figures he'll let out some air and drop down, then ask someone on the ground where he is.
He spots a man in a field.
"Hey, do you know where I am?" The balloonist shouts.
"Sure, you're 50 feet above the ground in a balloon". Says the man on the ground.
"You're a programmer, aren't you?"
"Yes I am, now did you know?" says the man on the ground.
"Because you gave me a perfectly correct answer that's totally useless" says the balloonist.
"You're in business, aren't you?" says the man on the ground.
"Why yes, yes I am. How did you know that?" says the balloonist.
"Because you're no closer to a solution to your problem than you were before, but somehow you made it all MY fault".
A Dead Engineer
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Satan meets him at the gates of Hell, and says "Wow, you're the first Engineer we've got down here. Let me give you a tour".
On the tour, the Devil points out some things that are broken, and the Engineer offers to try and fix them. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Satan meets him at the gates of Hell, and says "Wow, you're the first Engineer we've got down here. Let me give you a tour".
On the tour, the Devil points out some things that are broken, and the Engineer offers to try and fix them. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Not quite engineering....
Dripping tap problem:
The Physisist describes the flow, velocity and pressure changes involved.
The Chemist describes the atomic structure, molecular bonds, and forces involved.
The Mathematician tries to models the behaviour, but has to describe it as corresponding to "chaos theory"; practically beyond modern maths.
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The plumber changes the washer....
Dripping tap problem:
The Physisist describes the flow, velocity and pressure changes involved.
The Chemist describes the atomic structure, molecular bonds, and forces involved.
The Mathematician tries to models the behaviour, but has to describe it as corresponding to "chaos theory"; practically beyond modern maths.
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The plumber changes the washer....
An engineer,an artist and an architect
An engineer,an artist and an architect
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
mirabile dictu,
Fred
P.S. And neither of them will know about Miss Lo Tess CoOp........... who looks good and can solder!
An engineer,an artist and an architect
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
mirabile dictu,
Fred
P.S. And neither of them will know about Miss Lo Tess CoOp........... who looks good and can solder!
If we're going for versions of the balloon joke...
A man is lost in a hot air balloon and decides to let some air out to find out where he is. As he desends he sees a man crossing a field and calls out "Where am I".
The man hears him but doesn't answer.
Unfortunately the balloonist lets out too much air and crashes into the field whereupon the walker comes over and states "You're in a field."
The balloonist looks up at him and says "You're a mathematician, aren't you ?"
"How did you know ?" replies the walker.
"Well," responds the balloonist, "your answer is absolutely accurate, too late, and completely useless."
A man is lost in a hot air balloon and decides to let some air out to find out where he is. As he desends he sees a man crossing a field and calls out "Where am I".
The man hears him but doesn't answer.
Unfortunately the balloonist lets out too much air and crashes into the field whereupon the walker comes over and states "You're in a field."
The balloonist looks up at him and says "You're a mathematician, aren't you ?"
"How did you know ?" replies the walker.
"Well," responds the balloonist, "your answer is absolutely accurate, too late, and completely useless."
A lawyer, a doctor and an engineer are waiting to tee off one day ahead of them is a threesome who are hacking away slowly not making any progress whatsoever. The lawyer asks the greenskeeper "What's going on with these guys?", and he replies that "They're a group of fireman who went blind saving the clubhouse from a huge fire so they let them play for free whenever they want."
The doctor says, "That's terrible, I know a fantastic surgeon who may be able to help them some."
Not to be outdone the lawyer boasts, "I know a superb lawyer who can get them tons of money for their suffering."
The engineer who's been quiet thus far pipes up "Couldn't they just play at night?"
The doctor says, "That's terrible, I know a fantastic surgeon who may be able to help them some."
Not to be outdone the lawyer boasts, "I know a superb lawyer who can get them tons of money for their suffering."
The engineer who's been quiet thus far pipes up "Couldn't they just play at night?"
Another one...
A physicist, a mathematician and a biologist sit in a cafe ovelooking the street. Two men walk into a house across the street and then ten minuts later three men walk out of the house. The physicist says: "The calculations are wrong". The biologist says. "Oh no, they reproduced". The mathematician says: "Hey, if another guy goes in there it´ll be empty again"
/U.
A physicist, a mathematician and a biologist sit in a cafe ovelooking the street. Two men walk into a house across the street and then ten minuts later three men walk out of the house. The physicist says: "The calculations are wrong". The biologist says. "Oh no, they reproduced". The mathematician says: "Hey, if another guy goes in there it´ll be empty again"
/U.
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all faced with
the problem of deciding the volume of a certain red rubber ball.
The mathematician immediately observes that balls are spherical
and so measures the diameter and calculates the volume. The
physicist submerges the ball into a water filled vessel of known
geometry and then measures how much the water level changed,
from which he calculates the colume of the ball. Finally, the
engineer takes up the ball, turns it around slowly for a couple of
minutes while inspecting it closely with his eyes. Finally he finds
the model number, takes out his red-rubber-ball table from his
pocket, looks up that particular model and reads out the volume.
the problem of deciding the volume of a certain red rubber ball.
The mathematician immediately observes that balls are spherical
and so measures the diameter and calculates the volume. The
physicist submerges the ball into a water filled vessel of known
geometry and then measures how much the water level changed,
from which he calculates the colume of the ball. Finally, the
engineer takes up the ball, turns it around slowly for a couple of
minutes while inspecting it closely with his eyes. Finally he finds
the model number, takes out his red-rubber-ball table from his
pocket, looks up that particular model and reads out the volume.
Doctors are (kind of) engineers:
<b>Gynecologist joke:</b>
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the
verge if being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands
would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He
found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for
evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the
time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully
for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a
score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't
want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if
there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went
on to say, " I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the
muffler."
<b>Gynecologist joke:</b>
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the
verge if being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands
would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He
found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for
evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the
time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully
for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a
score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't
want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if
there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went
on to say, " I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the
muffler."
A mathematician, physicist, and engineer were contemplating prime numbers.
The mathematician said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime ... therefore I conjecture that all odd numbers are prime."
The physicist said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an expermental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, ... yeah, looks like you're probably right. All known odd numbers appear to be prime."
The engineer said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, ..."
The mathematician said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime ... therefore I conjecture that all odd numbers are prime."
The physicist said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an expermental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, ... yeah, looks like you're probably right. All known odd numbers appear to be prime."
The engineer said "3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, ..."
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