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Old 24th May 2018, 10:14 AM   #51
haiqu is offline haiqu  Australia
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I have perfect pitch. I managed to throw a ukelele down a well without hitting any banjos.

Speaking of banjos, a musician friend recently panicked at the shopping centre when he realized he'd left the car unlocked with his prized instrument in the back. When he got to the car there were two banjos in the back.

Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

And this one's for Jonathan Bright:

Two adventurers in deepest Africa were being chased by a tribe of natives. They were driven up a narrow gully with no way of escape and so they hid behind a large rock awaiting their fate. As the tribe approached there was an ominous sound. One man held his hands to his ears and yelled, "Oh, my head! If only those jungle drums would stop!" There was a pause and then the Chief called back to them very slowly, "You don't want drums to stop. When drums stop, then comes bass solo."
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Old 28th June 2018, 06:42 PM   #52
Soundhappy is offline Soundhappy  France
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DJ Schmolli - In The Mood For Some Killing Joke ?
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Old 28th June 2018, 07:51 PM   #53
leadbelly is offline leadbelly  Canada
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Music Jokes
How do you get rid of a bass player?

Let the keyboardist use their left hand.
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Old Yesterday, 01:34 AM   #54
PeteMcK is offline PeteMcK
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Sir Thomas Beecham once not happy with a cellist remarked:
"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it."
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Old Yesterday, 04:09 PM   #55
Kay Pirinha is offline Kay Pirinha  Germany
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Very good! As Sir Beecham also is very well known for his fine sense of humour, I guess this is a quotation?


Best regards!
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Old Yesterday, 05:18 PM   #56
dooper is offline dooper  Canada
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How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and four to complain because it's an electric bulb.

How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was.

How many country musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb, one to write a song about it and two to fight over it in the parking lot.

How many lead vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one - to hold the bulb while the world revolves around him/her.
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Old Yesterday, 05:20 PM   #57
nigelwright7557 is offline nigelwright7557  United Kingdom
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How many male country musicians does it take to change a light bulb ?
No point changing it, his wife has left him and his dog died.
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Old Today, 08:18 AM   #58
Kay Pirinha is offline Kay Pirinha  Germany
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“The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.” (Sir Thomas Beecham)
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