diyAudio

diyAudio (http://www.diyaudio.com/forums/)
-   The Lounge (http://www.diyaudio.com/forums/lounge/)
-   -   More engineering humor (http://www.diyaudio.com/forums/lounge/7181-more-engineering-humor.html)

jackinnj 28th October 2002 09:08 PM

More engineering humor
 
The following appeared on the PIC-LIST, a newsgroup devoted to programming the Microchip series of MCU's. I post it here for an evening chuckle and note that it is not original to me, but cut and paste:

<em>"Here's my part for this threat:

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At
the station, the three lawyers each buy
tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the
three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close
the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on
the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the lawyers decide to copy the
engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over
to the restroom where the lawyers are
hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

</em>

dhaen 28th October 2002 09:22 PM

A mathematician and an engineer were given a problem:
A beautiful woman is at the centre of a field.
They are allowed to approach her, only by going half of the remaining distance at a time.
The mathematician throws up his arms in horror and says " according to the mathematics I have learned, I will never reach her".
The Engineer sets off immediately, and says "It's OK, I'll get close enough!

LaMa 30th October 2002 08:54 PM

:D :D Keep them coming

jan.didden 30th October 2002 09:02 PM

Humour
 
Thers's these guys taking a hot air ballon trip, and somehow they manage to get lost. The ony thing they can think of is to lower the balloon until they see this man in the road.

They yell down: "Where are we?"
The man looks up and says: "In a basket underneat a hot air balloon!".

The balooners look at each other perplexed, one says: "This guy must be an engineer".
Why?
"Well, 1 - he clearly understood the question, 2- his answer is factually correct, 3 - it doen't help you diddley".

Jan Didden

jackinnj 30th October 2002 09:13 PM

from the PIC List again
 
Comparison

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

SY 30th October 2002 09:30 PM

A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer are sentenced to die by guillotine. They're given the choice of execution face-up or face down.

The priest says, "Face up. I want to be looking in the direction of my God when I die." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the priest's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the priest is set free.

The rabbi says, "Face down. I want my last sight to be the earth whence I came." They put him in the guillotine, the executioner releases the blade catch, the blade descends, and... just before it hits the rabbi's neck, it stops. "A miracle!" the crowd shouts, and the rabbi is set free.

The engineer says, "Face up. I want to see how this whole thing works." They put him in the guillotine, he looks up, and just as the executioner reaches for the blade catch, the engineer blurts out, "Oh! I see what the problem is!"

jgwinner 30th October 2002 09:41 PM

That's not the way I heard that joke:

A man is lost in a balloon. He figures he'll let out some air and drop down, then ask someone on the ground where he is.

He spots a man in a field.

"Hey, do you know where I am?" The balloonist shouts.

"Sure, you're 50 feet above the ground in a balloon". Says the man on the ground.

"You're a programmer, aren't you?"

"Yes I am, now did you know?" says the man on the ground.

"Because you gave me a perfectly correct answer that's totally useless" says the balloonist.

"You're in business, aren't you?" says the man on the ground.

"Why yes, yes I am. How did you know that?" says the balloonist.

"Because you're no closer to a solution to your problem than you were before, but somehow you made it all MY fault".

jgwinner 30th October 2002 09:58 PM

A Dead Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St.. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Satan meets him at the gates of Hell, and says "Wow, you're the first Engineer we've got down here. Let me give you a tour".

On the tour, the Devil points out some things that are broken, and the Engineer offers to try and fix them. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

dhaen 31st October 2002 09:21 AM

Not quite engineering....
 
Dripping tap problem:

The Physisist describes the flow, velocity and pressure changes involved.



The Chemist describes the atomic structure, molecular bonds, and forces involved.



The Mathematician tries to models the behaviour, but has to describe it as corresponding to "chaos theory"; practically beyond modern maths.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
The plumber changes the washer....

jan.didden 31st October 2002 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jgwinner
That's not the way I heard that joke:

A man is lost in a balloon. He figures he'll let out some air and drop down, then ask someone on the ground where he is.

He spots a man in a field.

"Hey, do you know where I am?" The balloonist shouts.

"Sure, you're 50 feet above the ground in a balloon". Says the man on the ground.

"You're a programmer, aren't you?"

"Yes I am, now did you know?" says the man on the ground.

"Because you gave me a perfectly correct answer that's totally useless" says the balloonist.

"You're in business, aren't you?" says the man on the ground.

"Why yes, yes I am. How did you know that?" says the balloonist.

"Because you're no closer to a solution to your problem than you were before, but somehow you made it all MY fault".

Touché!

Jan Didden


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:50 AM.


vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright ©1999-2014 diyAudio


Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2