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Old 10th July 2010, 12:31 AM   #1
T in AZ is offline T in AZ  United States
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Is there any way to understand them? Or keep them happy longer then 90 min. after having sex. Any ways, I’m minding my own business, just reading and out of the blue I hear “Men are disgusting.”. I say “What?” and I wonder what I did now. She says, “Men are disgusting.” And I reply, “Why is that?” “You just are,” she says. I look at what she is watching, and I see she is watching PNN and they have a video of Mel Gibson running over and over. Thanks for that BREAKING NEWS!!!!
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Old 10th July 2010, 12:44 AM   #2
audi0 is offline audi0  Australia
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Read John Gray's book "Men are from Mar's, Women are from Venus" This will give you a insight!
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Old 10th July 2010, 02:13 AM   #3
LCole is offline LCole  United States
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happy longer then 90 min. after having sex

Let me guess: based on the fact that the topic sex was even mentioned in your opening sentence led me to believe you were still single, a newly wed or some teen just looking for some insight in women before really getting into the dating scene.

For the rest of us more seasoned in our marital bliss, DIY speaker building helps ease some of that sexual tension...
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Old 10th July 2010, 04:52 AM   #4
gootee is offline gootee  United States
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For many of us (men), it is WE who are happy for 90 minutes after sex. Women are usually much more "complicated", in terms of what makes them happy (which can be the "baffling" part that makes us think that they are all hard-to-understand, high-maintenance bee-atches). Are you sure that it's not just a case of YOU being happy after sex, which makes her SEEM happy, to you? Or maybe it actually does make her happy, either because a) she loves you and is happy that you're happy, or, b) because you're hard to get along with until you've had sex and she is just relieved that you are finally happy for a little while?

But "men are disgusting"? No. Maybe just you? <grin> Seriously, though, it sounds like you haven't even asked her what she finds to be disgusting about you, er, I mean, men. Ask her, politely, like a puppy dog, and pretend to really care, and maybe she'll give you a clue. Then LISTEN (women LOVE that). And make a mental note of it so you can correct it later for a woman who really matters to you. <grin!>

A really good woman (translation: a woman you deperately desire and also might wish to keep) will eventually train you, civilize you, teach you to be caring and sensitive, responsible; even (gasp!) Unselfish. I know that might sound "impossible", and quite scary, especially if you're still basically young and free. It's just what they do; what they must have to be happy (with you; with us). But that CAN be a very GOOD thing, for you, and for other areas of your life, but especially if it is with a woman whom you can also train, in other ways. i.e. On one level, which is the one that we are always interested in, the unspoken deal that eventually could evolve between you and them, in a long term relationship, is that you will be "good" in all of the ways that they want and they will then be much more motivated to try hard to become very good at being "bad" in most or all of the ways that you want, and might ALSO greatly respect you AND be loyal and affectionate. (Note well, too, that affection and sex are not the same thing. I have found that if deprived of both for very long, simple affection will actually be more important to you than sex. [You'll just have to trust me on that one, because you definitely don't want to have to learn it by experiencing it.])

I guess the bottom line is that there do exist women with whom it is worth learning to try to communicate on the level that they want and need, and who are worth learning to please and keep happy, and it might be in your best interest, overall, to try to do those things, with the right woman. But you should learn as much as you can about making and keeping them happy, even from the ones you don't intend to keep, because what you learn will serve you well, in many, many ways, as you go through life.

And, of course, your primary motivation for doing all of this is that you will then be more likely to get the best possible sex, much more often than you otherwise would. ("You, too, will be assimilated." -The Borg)

Last edited by gootee; 10th July 2010 at 05:08 AM.
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Old 10th July 2010, 05:09 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gootee View Post

But "men are disgusting"? No. Maybe just you? <grin> Seriously, though, it sounds like you haven't even asked her what she finds to be disgusting about you, er, I mean, men.
I took it that she was extrapolating about men based on what she'd just learned about Mel Gibson being disgusting. Guess there were various assumptions I made to reach such an interpretation - the fact that Mel Gibson hasn't exactly been a gentleman towards his latest (now ex-) lover. But then the disgust goes both ways - why would she (Oksana) stay with a guy who was violent to her?

So for many women there's a part of them that feels they're disgusting, that they somehow deserve men to behave in a disgusting manner towards them.

My line of enquiry would be to ask 'You're dating a disgusting man, is it because you believe there really is no choice - that all men without exception are disgusting, just like your opinion of Mel Gibson?' Show some interest in her viewpoint and find out what's behind it.
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Old 10th July 2010, 05:37 AM   #6
gootee is offline gootee  United States
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Very, very good, abraxalito! Brings to mind books that could be written on the subject(s) (by someone far more patient [and smart] than I am)!

And there's probably a _very_ good and obvious clue for him, there, in what she generalized from Mel, onto him (assuming he even caught what was going on, there). (I am not familiar with that program or movie or whatever it is, and so just took it straight to his personal situation instead. i.e. I totally missed that/the context.)

T in AZ: Run with it! It's an excellent potential bridge or opening. Learn(!), and (probably) benefit.
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Old 10th July 2010, 05:52 AM   #7
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Guess I learned a lot from my ex, just as you said earlier. Women do train their men, if the men are willing to be trained that is.

I do recall another thing that my ex said on occasion, which I feel is very useful for men who are willing to be trained to take account of. This is a phrase which I've heard more than one woman say to a man 'This is not about YOU!'. Us guys do have a tendency to personalize women's remarks more than they're intended to be. You showed a classic example here - she was talking about men in general and it seems you took it to be about T in AZ (probably so did he). Learn to take a step back when your gal makes such a remark. Practice asking 'You're talking in general terms aren't you, not about me specifically?'
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Old 10th July 2010, 10:33 AM   #8
SY is offline SY  United States
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My wife says, "I don't hate men, I'm just embarrassed that I like them so much."
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Old 10th July 2010, 11:55 AM   #9
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You guys have it all wrong. (lol)

this is the deal...

You have to have 2 things going for you to have a successful relationship.

1 - You and the other HAVE to be on the same "level" when you first meet. Don't ask for a clarification of "level", its a difficult phenomenon to grasp. It basically means that, in life, you are both in similar mindsets. This has nothing to do with "similar" personalities, or career's, or psychologies necessarily.

2 - After having been in a relationship with the person who meets the number 1 criteria for a while, this is the part that takes time. Learning the others peculiarities is what we have to work with. At this point in the relationship...its the LITTLE THINGS that both people try to deal with. But, these little things challenge one's ideologies and temperament, and unselfish/selfish predispositions. This is the part that you give and take from each other. This is the part of the relationship that will, in time, determine the success in LIVING with each other.

Here's my example.

I met my wife at a coffee shop in New Orleans. I had, for a year, been pissed off at the female species because of previous X, and had told myself that I would not even LOOK at another woman for a year. I was 27, still in college, still with parents. Very self-minded.

She, had just finally finished the paperwork on a crappy 4 year marriage. Moved to New Orleans to learn pastry skills, and was living in the WORST part of the city due to inability to find apmt that would take her ridiculously fat lab. Chloe. She also was 27. Graduate from college with degree, self motivated, on her own from young age. very responsible.

We got married 5 years later. The first couple of years was smooth sailing. After that...we learned more and more about our differences, tolerances, AND stubbornness. Hardly any yielding took place between each other.

Now...I'm not the kind of person that gives up the goat if ya' know what I mean. If I'm pissed, your going to hear about it. If you do something stupid...your going to know about it. If I make a mistake...I admit to it. So, one of our main humps in the relationship was getting myself to be more...tactful with my presentation of these issues. Lot of work.

In the end...as gay as it sounds...communication is the key. You have to know what each is thinking and how it effects them. The dynamics in a relationship are so great, that they build and build and build...intil there are too many layers to strip off if there are problems. Here is where counseling comes in for many. But if you keep communication open, and just "hear" each other out...wonders happen with much less effort as time progresses.

<disclaimer>

I don't know squat, so please proceed to the exit on your left.
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Old 10th July 2010, 12:08 PM   #10
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Did I neglect to mention that I called the cops on here once???

LOL...man, sometimes you have to take drastic actions in order to be "heard".

Basically, we were at a point that I had mentioned earlier about the "layering" that happens when things are not communicated between each. Time builds these layers, and sometimes counseling really helps. Especially when both parties are fed up. One thing is certain though, we loved and love each other through the hard times.

Scratch it all if you don't have that.
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