Marketing Terms - in plain cruel words!

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I thought we could have a laugh at the expense
of the Companies, we to a considerable part
have helped, by financing them.

Let us make up some good interpretations
to make those marketing terms understood better.

I have a feeling we could fill a whole book,
that would make quite a laughable reading.
A good laugh makes life worth living!

This, for a start, I found on an australian guitarist's homepage.
It is about a magnetic pickup called Lace Sensors,
which he uses.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

The thing I like least about them has nothing to do with the pickups!
It's the bizarre marketing terms that goes with them.
- Here's my interpretation:
Radiant Field Barriers = shield
Acoustic Sensor = magnetic sensor (try talking into one of them - nothing happens!)
Micro Matrix Comb = magnet assembly (spread evenly along the edges of the pickup)
Ultra Precision Micro Winding = coil winding
Iso Biflux Dual Fields = magnetic fields
Frequency Sensitivity = a measurement only (frequency response versus level)
Anti-Microphonics, Anti-Static = mounted on rubber grommets
Low Energy Particle Magnets = weak magnets
 
halojoy said:
Monster Cable Pricelist = substitute for Horror Movie

lol :D :D

I'll have to read through the story of their latest lawsuit (I remember there's a thread about it, didn't have the time to read it all through.....), the more I read and am told about Monster Cable™©® , the more I get the impression of that company being a mob of greedy idiots.

In the present issue of a german pro audio / musicians mag, they compared a whole lot of cables, and Monster CAbles didn't get a good review at all........ the cables are overpriced, the company invents jackass esoteric theories why their super-special-doublecore-whatever-s§it-cable rocks it, and is worth 80 -100$. Total crap!!!!!! Of course the wire is OK, but why should I spend such a big sum on a cable that doesn't differ at all from other cables that cost about 20$?
Well........:rolleyes:

I don't wonder the Aerosmith suckers use Monster, but Zakk Wylde endorsing that sh#tty company makes me cry..:bawling:

try finding synonyms for these:

multi-gauge Bandwidth Balanced® wire networks

Time Correct® windings

MicroFiber® dielectric

cheers,

bob
 
bob4 said:
lol :D :D

... but why should I spend such a big sum on a cable that doesn't differ at all from other cables that cost about 20$?
Well........:rolleyes:

try finding synonyms for these:

multi-gauge Bandwidth Balanced® wire networks

Time Correct® windings

MicroFiber® dielectric

cheers,

bob
I favour SUPRA (Loudspeaker) Cables.
They have done research, and make high quality cables.
There may be better but not for same money.
They keep winning the value/money, in most comparing tests I have read.
SUPRA Ply 3.4 is a very good Working Horse.
http://www.supracables.co.uk/s-spkr.htm
Image: Supra Ply 3.4 (unshielded version)
 

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This story always makes me smile, I think it was in a link on Rod Elliott's site.

Some researchers looking into psychoacoustics gathered together a group of well respected high-end audio reviewers to test out some of the latest speaker cables. Various lengths of flashy looking cable were handed around the group, then the reviewers were allowed to hear them hooked up to a good quality sound system. The researchers made a big deal of changing round the cables in front of the reviewers, but in reality the same leads were used throughout the experiment. Despite this, the reviewers still claimed to hear huge differences - they all preferred the nicer looking cables made of esoteric materials :rolleyes:

My choice of speaker cable? Heavy guage zip wire :cool:

See ya,
Tim.
 
As seen on TV = It must be true. :rolleyes:
Fully Imported = much better than anything the clowns in this country could make.
Export Quality = overseas people have much greater discernment of quality than you local rednecks.
Field tested = sell it anyway and see if the market complains.
Clinically tested = the law required us to anyway.
Made for tough (insert country) conditions = sold only here because local laws and requirements are the slackest in the world.
Exclusive Interview = no-one else bothered to run the story.
Patented = so good even the Patent Office liked it. (liked their money, more like it.)
 
Right to the point, Circlotron!

Circlotron said:
As seen on TV = It must be true. :rolleyes:

Fully Imported = much better than anything the clowns in this country could make.

Export Quality = overseas people have much greater discernment of quality than you local rednecks.

Field tested = sell it anyway and see if the market complains.

Exclusive Interview = no-one else bothered to run the story.
:D :D :D :D :D :bawling: :D
 
Okay, I have some synonyms for these that were originally posted here!




multi-gauge Bandwidth Balanced® wire networks = Mixed sizes and gauges of used leftover wire cut to miscellaneous lengths according to what looks cool and expensive.

Time Correct® windings = A crappy pile of wire poked at by a slave with a good watch.

MicroFiber® dielectric = Normal Dielectric cut into thin strings and
protected by a high marketing women's shampoo.


:)
 
THX = Equipment certified to sound good with Disney movies

Expert = X being the variable, spert being the drip under pressure.

Windows 9X = 32bit shell and extensions for a 16bit patch
to an 8 bit operating system coded for a 4bit processor written by a 2bit company that can't stand 1bit of competition.

Anybody have more???
 
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