Musical humor

[Christer]

We have had that thread on engineering humor going on for
long, but wouldn't also be appropriate with one on musical
humor on this forum? I think so, and will start with a few new
jokes I had never heard before.

Q: How many double-bass players does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
A: None. The pianist can do it with his left hand.

Q: How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do it and one to say "Isn't that a bit high
for you darling?"

Q: How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

[Sch3mat1c]

The one I always tease Dad with..

Q. How can you tell someone is a trombonist?

A. The Pizza Hut sign on his car.

Tim

[benny]

why is a trombone like elderly parent???

both are unforgiving and hard to get in and out of cars





Why are girls like pianos?

When they're not upright, they're grand.




This one's a little inapropriate... so all you kiddies out there, close your eyes!!! (i gave suitable warning, so please don't remove this one moderators... it's funny)

The couple were sitting on the balcony in the front row of the box. During the interval, he was feeling a little horny, and asked her to give him a hand job.
When he was relieved, she threw the handful over the balcony. It hit the seccond violinist right on his bald head.
"CHRIST! he said... i've been hit by a flying f * * k !!!!!"
"that's justice" said the first violinist. "You've been playing like a c * * t all night!"




hope you all enjoy!

[Elso Kwak]

Benny, you are a naughty boy!

[Pjotr]

Ok, then here another “bad” one, bedtime kids. The story goes that it has happened real.

One night a well-known Dutch pianist gave a piano concerto at the Amsterdam concert hall. This pianist was also a very good and regarded piano teacher. It was also a public secret that as a teacher he had not only interest in teaching piano but had also a lot of other interests in his female pupils.

Half an hour before the start of the concert the pianist inspected the grand piano and saw the lid was opened at the large pole while it was intended it to be opened at the small pole. The pianist decided to correct this himself. However that was not easy and the pianist had problems finding the hole in the lid where the small pole should fit. The director watched the stumbling of the pianist a said loudly:

“Yes no problem if it has hair on it, isn’t it?”

[Elso Kwak]

Hahahahah!

[jackinnj]

Q: What's a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?
A: Hide it in an accordion case.

A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.

[jackinnj]

Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning?
A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.


Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

A: About 10 pounds.

[phase_accurate]

Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline ?

A: You take your shoes off before jumping onto a trampoline !


Q: What are 10000 accordions on the ocean floor ?

A: Good start !

Regards

Charles

[janneman]

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a base?

A: A base burns longer than a violin.


Q: What's the difference between a trumpet and a trombone?

A: A trombone holds more gin than a trumpet.


Jan Didden