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Old 16th August 2003, 07:21 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally posted by grataku
What? You don't know about two of the main currents of Islam?
I always knew you had a sunni and warm personality!


Quote:
PS: who made the last post figure and the"quote" button soo big?
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Old 16th August 2003, 07:28 PM   #42
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Don't worry Andrew, Frank and Brett are both single as far as I can tell. And likely to stay that way with their admirable principles.

Hey you single guys out there- I know that these posts make us married guys look like wimps, and all, but audio has long been acknowleged as having WAF issues. Everyone wants to have some sort of perfection in their lives, I have a sailboat that I stress over, trying to keep that small portion of my chaotic life perfectly funtional and great in appearance. We all want our amps, etc. to be beautiful and a perfect as we can make them.

Traditionally , in my culture at least, the living (lounge) and dining rooms are a place where the wife gets to strive for her bit of perfection. For this reason, the intrusion of massive speakers, and stacks of amps is so controversial. I run into this a lot as I'm an architect. This doesn't mean that the husband has no control over houshold decisions. In fact, these days the husband sometimes has much more strongly held ideas about the kitchen if he does most of the cooking, and the wife usually goes along.

From stuff I've read, the person that has an affair on a business trip and then has to tell the spouse, is not trying to be honest with the spouse, but trying to hurt him/her. Most counsulors I've read say the best thing to do in this case is SHUT UP and not screw up again, not pour out your guts to the spouse. So, I think there is no reason to volunteer infomation about every transgression (did you really have to have that Western Electric 300b?) but to learn, and do better.

90% of arguments among couples are abiout money. If he is spending too much money then it is indeed her right to complain, before the house is reposessed. When your finances are interlocked (house payments) with your spouse and you have kids that need stuff, you have voluntarily given up a hell of a lot of freedom, You may indeed be spiraling into bankrupcy. Which would indeed harm his spouse and family.

I agree that having to consistantly watch what you say to avoid offense, and having to sneak audio parts into the house, sounds like a relationship I wouldn't like, but relentless honestly volunteered and proflegate spending are no picnic either.

As the idealists have pointed out- choose your wife carefully. I got married when I was 32, when I finally found a person who I could be very open with- very few games played. I don't have patience for dramatic relationships, I want mine straightforward.
I'll forgo that "excitement" , thank you.

I'll call fat as fat, but know that I better be a pretty damn good guy in other regards to get by with this!!

Finally, I have found that claiming that this audio is your "thing" is more accepted if you aren't also into motocycles, horseracing, sailing, fancy cars, et al ad bankrupcy. I get crap for being a dilitante from friends and family, but first I restored my Ciocc racing bicycle and got a mountain bike, then got the boat, then got back into audio. Serial is the way to go!!!
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Old 16th August 2003, 07:53 PM   #43
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grataku, same situation here, but she asks anyway.

We're in the fortunate situation of having two living rooms. Mine is uglified by the stereo, hers by the Lascaux/Jackson Pollack crayon scrawls on the wall.
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Old 16th August 2003, 11:26 PM   #44
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Hi,

Quote:
As the idealists have pointed out- choose your wife carefully. I got married when I was 32, when I finally found a person who I could be very open with- very few games played. I don't have patience for dramatic relationships, I want mine straightforward.
Amen....

I got married at the age of 27, it didn't work so I called it quits, finito, after a year.

That was than, nowadays I'd probably handle it differently.

Still, I stick to what I believe in and I also believe that any relationship is based on mutual trust.

Once that's gone because of lies, you can say goodby to happiness and forget your marriage and move on.

Do you have to be cruelly honest? No, I don't think so.
You need to trust one another, would I confess a mess-up whith another woman? No, I won't because I wouldn't mess up in the first place.

When you're with the right woman this adultry won't cross your mind.
No matter where you are or whom you're with.

The irony is that saying no to a woman can come at a very high price...emancipation never taught them anything about rejection.

Bottom line is, be yourself. If she doesn't love like that then she doesn't love at all.

Cheers,
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Old 16th August 2003, 11:56 PM   #45
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Default About the dress thing...

I think I made that mistake once. Ouch!

My wife has some dresses that turn her from tall and attractive to absolutely stunning. She knows the ones I mean as I was out shopping with her when she got them and may even have helped to talk her into buying them when she was debating "Is it worth it?"

So, on another shopping trip when she tried on a dress and it made her look pear-shaped (obviously due to the cut of the dress as she still looks as stunning as ever in the other dresses) I said so. Not a happy lady at that.

In future I'll stick to "there's something about it that I'm just not sure about"

It may well be the dresses fault, but I can vouch that it will be taken as a personal attack.

drew
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Old 17th August 2003, 03:09 PM   #46
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Frank and Brett are both single as far as I can tell.

I'm single because my partner died of cancer some years ago, and since then, only once, breifly, have I found that sort of communion with another, but a promise she made before she met me took her away.

Your comment reads as though being married is an end in itself, and is something that everyone must aspire to and is somehow lesser without. I had such an incredible relationship that was based on honesty and trust, and that certainly did not involve lying, manipulation or deceipt to get what I needed or wanted simply because we knew it devalued what we shared.

I don't need* a partner, so I don't need to play lots of bulls__t games to win or keep one. Relationship, sex and the excitement of romance are fun and distracting, and so easy to get, that their currency are of small worth to me without something more.

As the dress scenario seems popular, my comment would be to tell her she looked fat in it (and I've done it often). If you asked Cath's mum about this, she'd tell you of a particular dress Cath bought one day when we were out together. I told her it made her skin look yellow, but she really wanted it so she bought it anyway. Oh, and it was very expensive. She first wore it to a big family do, and the first words out of her mother's mouth were, "you look jaundiced". Better to hear it from someone who loves her in private, rather than to wear it out and be told her butt's even bigger than J.Lo or Roseanne. I like my partners to feel beautiful and to lie to them like this, because I didn't have the courage to say what needed to be, would dishonour them.

* almost every relationship I've ever seen is based upon need; need to please the parents, need to fit into societal expectations, need to not be alone etc, and too few are built around a communion.
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Old 18th August 2003, 02:01 AM   #47
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Hi Drembo,
If you are good enough at repairs, you ought to be able to take in some service work to finance your hobby work - that's what I do.
More correctly I do repairs for a living, and when I have spare time I do my experimenting.
I have a friend who has a fantastic and very expensive collection of gear that he has built up by buying and selling used high-end equipment.
By this method his hobby does not really cost him anything except time, and indeed he makes a profit by it.
She and the kids have a very fine TV and AV system in the family room, and he has his high-end stuff in the formal lounge room - this way he can dabble without intefering with the family dynamics and everybody is happy.
If you can find a way to finance this new amp without adversely influencing family finances you ought to be able go ahead with your partners blessing, and if it turns out to be universally sonically pleasing, then the whole family will thank you for your efforts.

Eric.
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Old 18th August 2003, 02:13 AM   #48
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Quote:
Originally posted by fdegrove
....When you're with the right woman this adultry won't cross your mind.
No matter where you are or whom you're with.

Cheers,
Hmmm, Elle McPherson and Kylie have crossed my mind....
Thoughts and actions are two very different things, and deep down I think the same as you Frank, and if offered I am perfectly happy to decline - indeed this has led to some very happy social only relationships that my GF and I still share, and I don't have to worry about any guilt feelings, and besides my GF wears me out (physically) anyway.

Eric.
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Old 18th August 2003, 02:21 AM   #49
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Originally posted by Brett
Relationship, sex and the excitement of romance are fun and distracting, and so easy to get, that their currency are of small worth to me without something more.
What more could you want ? - A father in law who owns a pub ?.
Or are you just boasting about all those swim-suit models round your way ?.

Quote:
As the dress scenario seems popular, my comment would be to tell her she looked fat in it (and I've done it often).......
My babe does not look fat in anything, even better without, and I tell her so.

Eric.
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Old 18th August 2003, 07:44 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by mrfeedback

My babe does not look fat in anything, even better without, and I tell her so.
I too have never said to any of various GFs that they look fat in something. I do remember saying that I preferred a different dress or pair of pants.

My basic rule of thumb is that I always treat them as I would if I were still dating. That doesn't mean lying to get what I want, but watching out for my bad behaviour and encouraging them when they do something I like.

If you say truthfully that she looks fat, even if she doesn't get upset, you'll reqret her reaction (which will not be happiness) and you'll regret having said it at all. She might even keep wearing it. If you say truthfully that you prefer the other outfit, you might actually get your wish, which is going to be way better than any of the alternatives.

:)ensen.

PS: Hey Drembo, what's the verdict... did you get both your loves to live together in peace and financial harmony?
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